Thursday, December 24, 2009


George and Lynne are out carol singing. When they get back, Lynne is cold but tells George that she had fun and now she needs a hot bath. George says that he enjoys carol singing but it's not a patch on Lynne's singing.

George and Lynne are definitely the youngest people in the carol singing troupe. Is this a whim that they started this year or is it a regular occurrence? Do George and Lynne go to choir practice at the church each week? It is certainly not inconceivable. If Lynne is feeling slightly uncomfortable about 30 years younger than anyone else, she is not showing it as she is doing it for George. Just look at how much he is enjoying it! He has his eyes closed and is really throwing everything into this particular carol. It was George's idea to join the choir.

George is in need of a new winter coat. He has been wearing that same blue wind cheater all year. Everyone else is wearing a heavy winter coat and George thinks he can beat the cold just with the addition of a scarf. That scarf isn't really going to make much difference with it hanging out like that. He really needs to tuck it inside his jacket to create that extra layer he so needs. George should be going to the sales with Lynne after Christmas.

George says he enjoys carol singing, as we have seen from his expression. He then says it's not a patch on Lynne's singing. He has been standing next to Lynne for the past hour singing. You would think that he would have time between songs to turn to Lynne and comment on how lovely her voice is. Oh should that be how much better her singing is. It was not even one month ago that George was recoiling in horror at Lynne's singing. It now seems that Lynne took that advice on board and has been having singing lessons. Either that or it really was the smell of the bathroom that made George gag. Maybe that is why he is still keeping his distance from that foul smelling room.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


George and Lynne are out shopping buying Christmas decorations. Lynne says that Christmas wouldn't be the same without holly. George adds that mistletoe is equally important. He then decides to try it out and kisses Lynne.

Christmas shopping may be over for George and Lynne but the decorations still need to be purchased. This trip to the shops has happened the day after the previous present buying because George is wearing a rust coloured suit rather than the blue wind cheater he wore previously. This means that Lynne was wrapping the presents at home when George was at work and then had a sudden panic as she looked around to see her bare house. She immediately called George and demand that they go to the shops after work, or dragged him out at lunch time for a last minute decoration buying spree. George's boss must be on her Christmas holiday already.

Lynne likes holly and is weighing which of the two sprigs is the best. Is she only planning on buying one sprig? Their house will not look very festive with just one sprig of holly on the mantlepiece, so George is right to buy some mistletoe to add to the festive feel of the house.

The reason that they are only buying one sprig of each is that it's so expensive. Lynne hands over at least two notes to the shop keeper. These could be two one pound notes as the pound coin wasn't introduced until 1983, but it could be two five pound notes, or most likely one five pound note and one one pound note. £6 for holly and mistletoe is very steep. The shop keeper must be taking advantage of the last minute rush to buy decorations that he has seen over the last few days and jacked his prices. That said, even his cold money grabbing heart is thawed by the affection between George and Lynne. They still won't be able to afford one of his trees though.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


George and Lynne are out Christmas shopping. Lynne comments that she thinks Christmas is wonderful, to which George only half agrees. George puts the shopping in the boot of the car and is glad that the Christmas shopping is done for another year. Lynne says that they have the New Year sales to look forward to.

George is a gentleman. After the furore with the breakfast cereal, he has offered to accompany Lynne to the shops this time. Christmas shopping is a joint venture in their household so the presents have to come from both of them. George has the right to veto any purchase that they will put their names to. However, Lynne will go to the shops on her own to buy George's present but she will come back with four dresses and a hundred weight of non-descript perfume.

How many people do George and Lynne buying presents for? There's Sammy and 'Mantha obviously, but there must be more if George lets out an audible sigh at the end of the shopping trip. This must have been a long trip. There are many friends and distant relatives that George and Lynne have been seen with over the last few months, but who is to receive the large black and yellow box? It certainly is the largest and most conspicuous present of the shopping trip and whoever gets it will be very happy.

The contents of the yellow and black box is also a mystery. With Sammy and 'Mantha being their closest friends it will most likely be one of them. Sammy needs to clean up so it could be a chest expander for his new regime of fitness and abstinence, but that would most likely come in a box with a picture of it on the front. So the box must be for 'Mantha. A box like that must contain a pair of boots. Lynne is keen to get 'Mantha into the rock music that she has embraced and also secretly blames her for the unceremonious ejection from the club. With these boots they can re-enter the club with their heads held high, and finally talk to some guys.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Lynne comes through the door having been shopping. She tells George that a new breakfast cereal was on special offer so she bought a dozen boxes. George asks whether this will help her lose weight. Lynne says it already has as she lost three pounds just carrying the boxes home.

George's face shows shock when Lynne comes through the door. This is because he asked Lynne to pop out and get something nice for dinner and she has come back with 12 boxes of cereal. What was she thinking? Lynne must be a sucker for a deal. George should know this and not send her to big supermarkets. There's a deal on every aisle. George is lucky she didn't buy 25 bottles of washing up liquid and half a tonne of cat food.

Lynne has lost three pounds carrying the shopping. How does she know this? As far as we can see, she has come through the front door, collapsed on the sofa through exhaustion and thrown the cereal boxes everywhere. The sofa must have built in scales. That is state of the art furniture. By combining these items, Lynne can now know just how much weight her dinner has made her gain. This is surely the reason for Lynne dieting obsession. It really can't help that you constantly know your weight.

Lynne is visibly sweating from her strenuous walk. Her face is red and she is tired. George really should be offering a glass of water to cool Lynne down. Instead he offers her his most recent urine sample. This may be the reason why George could not go to the supermarket. He has been ill and needs to give a urine sample to the doctor. He does not look ill so it might be that he has to have a random drugs test from work and he thinks it is essential to provide a sample immediately, even though it is Saturday. The last thing that Lynne needs right now is George's hot wee in her face.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are at a disco. Lynne comments that two guys are giving her and 'Mantha the eye. The two guys start to come over and Lynne remids 'Mantha that they are married. It turns out that the two guys thought that Lynne and 'Mantha were old teachers from school. 'Mantha is not happy.

Lynne is still rocking the Heavy Metal look. She has gone to a young person's discotheque and has deemed this the outfit of choice. This is probably the most suitable occasion for this outfit after the local pub and the beach walk. 'Mantha on the other hand has gone for the shortest skirt imaginable. Once again her earring match her top, thus implying that she has as many earrings as there are colours.

Lynne thinks that the two guys are giving them the eye. This means that they think these two young men are looking at them in a sexy way. They are standing very close to Lynne and 'Mantha which means that they usually wear glasses but have decided not to wear them to the discotheque as wearing glasses suggests you are a mathematician, which is a look they do not want to pass on, even though they are likely to be mathematics students.

The man on the right is wearing a very poorly made Sergio Tacchini shirt, which is quite casual for a fashionable discotheque especially considering Lynne and 'Mantha's outfits. However the most intriguing dress is the man over Lynne's right shoulder at the end. It looks like an old man who is wearing large hooped earrings and two rows of pearls. Have the girls stumbled upon a special club? The sign behind them clearly says 'Rock', but the woman who is between the ladies also looks of age. Perhaps they are there to pick up their son. I'm sure the man in the Sergio Tacchini shirt will be quite embarrassed that his mum and transvestite father have come into the club and not waited in the car.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


George has arrived home from work and Lynne asks him how it was. George tells Lynne that his boss has asked him what he is bringing to the next board meeting. George says he told her he would bring sandwiches and a flask of tea in case it went on as long as usual.

George is wearing a blue suit, a grey shirt and a black and red tie. This is a different outfit to when we last saw George in work mode. Then he was wearing a blue shirt, purple tie and cream trousers, which may have been part of a suit, or may have just been some chinos. The presence of a jacket today suggest that either it is a lot cooler than before or that George had to see some clients. The boss has asked him about the next board meeting so perhaps today wasn't the day of a meeting. We now know that George must own a number of shirts and ties. I would think he owns three suits.

George is very brave. The only time we have seen a glimpse of his boss, she has grabbed an employee by the tie because he was fiddling his expenses. That man was never seen again. She has asked George what he is bringing to the next board meeting. She did not ask because she wanted to know what material items he would bring, but what input he would have in it. She is probably asking this because in the last board meeting George was extremely quiet and when he was asked about this month's figures he stuttered and started sweating. George is now on thin ice. He has to pull his weight and wow the directors in the next board meeting otherwise it could be his last.

The joke that he made won't have gone down well with the boss. She is not impressed with George's current work rate and this won't have helped. George should be putting in extra hours and all he is thinking about is that there should be sandwiches. If he's not careful, he'll be delivering the sandwiches to that board meeting.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


George brings Lynne breakfast in bed for which she is thankful. George then drops the breakfast which makes Lynne unhappy.

Lynne's breakfast consists of some tea and a flower, which is hardly breakfast. This is either down to George's inability to even toast some bread or Lynne thinks that a hearty breakfast will ruin her figure. That is of course if the flower is just for show. That could be Lynne's breakfast.

If George had made toast it may have made less of a mess than the pot of tea. Whatever the breakfast was, Lynne is now right browned off that she has both missed breakfast and is now sitting in a wet bed. The question still remains, what made George trip up? It could be a rug, it could be a loose slipper. The real reason why George tripped is that he stepped on a mouse.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Lynne sees a mouse and screams at George. George says he will get rid of it and Lynne thanks him. She then wonders where the mice keep coming from. George goes to a pet shop to buy another mouse where the proprietor tells George he wishes his wife's legs were like Lynne's.

George is releasing mice into his bedroom purely so he can get a look at his own wife's legs. This seems quite an extravagant plan, especially when she is already wearing exposing negligee. It would be easier for George to see his wife's legs just by being in the house. She's half dressed enough of the time that releasing rodents seems a little over the top. The pet shop owner wishes to see Lynne's legs but really he should be asking George why he has to do this.

Lynne is wondering where the mice keep coming from. She is just thankful for it to be gone, but never once does she think that the rodent problem is getting out of hand and that George should hire an exterminator. How often is he releasing these mice? It seems he is leaving just enough time between mice so that Lynne doesn't hire pest control but also so that George gets all the plaudits for taking care of it. Or does he have one in his pocket waiting for Lynne to wear that particular item of clothing.

George goes to buy another mouse from a pet shop. This means that after every time he 'catches' the mouse, he must kill it, or release it into the wild. He should just keep the one mouse with his fishing gear. Maybe he thinks Lynne will get suspicious when she keeps seeing the same mouse. Lynne is very perceptive so George has to buy a new mouse each time.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Lynne is in the garden. She tells George that the garden needs weeding. She then tells George that the grass needs cutting and that the hedge needs trimming. George runs off saying that the pub needs visiting.

All this time and George and Lynne's garden still needs some work. The idea of getting a gardener must have fallen by the wayside in recent months because of the economic crisis George has been having. Those little luxuries need to be sacrificed and Lynne has agreed that a gardener is a step too far. She may also have had second thoughts after seeing what Lady Blenkinsop's son was doing with their gardener.

George does not want to do this work and so runs to the pub. Does the pub really need visiting? Is he currently bashing out a contract for a potential new owner and is overseeing a survey? Is he in the local darts team in an important semi-final match? Or is it just that George is shirking his responsibilities? It is your garden as well George, although you wouldn't know it.

How close is this pub to George and Lynne's house? George is shouting to Lynne at the end so he must be in earshot of her. Also he must have heard Lynne's cries for horticultural help in order for him to say that. Unless he is emulating Lynne by pausing for 10 minutes before delivering his witty riposte, that pub can be no more that 40 yards from their house. If that is the case, it is odd that we haven't heard of it before. Sammy should be constantly at George's trying to persuade him to go for a quick drink, although saying that, it is now obvious why we never see Sammy round George and Lynne's anymore because he cannot escape the lure of the pub. The name Ferryboat Inn suggests George and Lynne live very close to the river, which would explain the numerous boating trips.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Lynne is on the bus with an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that she was right and there are three people in her marriage. As the friend starts crying, Lynne asks her why she thinks that. Her reason is the present her husband bought last week, which is a 3 person bicycle.

Lynne and her friend are on the bus, probably on the top deck. It is busy so that would suggest it is either commuting time or a busy Saturday afternoon. The man at the front is deaf or a doctor. At first glance, one might think he was listening to his ipod, but this being 1982, ipods were not invented, and neither were in-ear ear phones. So in his ears is either a hearing aid, one of the massive ones which is attached to his belt, or a stethoscope. He has a doctor's look about him and perhaps it is a new stethoscope which he is quite proud of. If he was listening to his ipod, it would either be a Radio 4 podcast or Brahms.

Lynne's friend is unhappy, and she has every right to be. Her husband has not only bought a three person bicycle but invited another woman along. This is certainly not an affair he is trying to keep secret. Even though the husband is seeing another woman, he is inviting his wife along too. What is he trying to achieve? Is it because this other woman wears more revealing clothes? Is she a better cycler? Is she a better navigator? Maybe he just likes cycling on a tandem so much but his ability to lead and look where he's going is so poor that he wants someone else to do it. His wife is also pretty bad at these things so it is essential that he invites another woman along.

If Lynne's friend's husband is only using this woman to help with the cycling then she has nothing to worry about. If he starts inviting her on holiday and buys an extra large bed then she should start worrying. Or perhaps if she stops showing up then the friend should start worrying more. He'll want to keep it a secret if the affair escalates, but then he's more likely to cycle into a ditch.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


George and Lynne are sailing in the rain. Lynne is complaining about her hair and make-up and that she is soaked. George retorts that Lynne said she'd love to go sailing. Lynne explains that she thought George meant sailing into the sunset.

George is being very reckless here. I'm not sure who is more to blame; George for going out in that weather or the coastguard for letting him go out in that weather. George would have to be a very experienced sailor to go out in such choppy waters but surely an experienced sailor wouldn't go out in those waters.

If that wasn't bad enough, he's taking Lynne who has never even been sailing before. It would have been a lot easier to take Lynne out on her maiden voyage on a nice sunny day. Although Lynne's comment is a little bit silly, she has a point. Let her get a few trips under her belt before subjecting her to rain.

Lynne wanted to sail into the sunset, but she must know that it really isn't possible. The appearance of sailing into the sunset is only really seen by those on the shore watching a boat sail towards the horizon. When you're actually in the boat you will never reach the horizon, the sun will set and you'll be left in the dark a long way from shore. Lynne has been watching one too many romantic films.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Lynne is in the shower singing and George does not look happy. When she comes out of the shower, Lynne asks George if he thinks her body needs toning. George replies that it is perfect but tells her that her voice could use some tuning. Lynne does not look happy.

Lynne likes to sing in the shower. Even though she has dabbled in the heavy metal scene, her song of choice is a simple melody. Perhaps it is Hey Jude. Whatever it is, George feels as though he is listening to a cat dying. Either that or he is utterly disgusted at the sight of Lynne washing.

When Lynne gets out of the shower she reaches for a towel. It is the same colour as the one which George is holding earlier, but that does not necessarily mean it is the same towel. People sometimes buy towels in a set which means they have more than one towel of the same colour and size. It is likely that there are some hand towels and flannels which are also that shade of pink too. But it could be the same towel. It could be that Lynne's singing was out of range until George thoughtfully came into the bathroom to put down a towel that had just come out of the dryer. It is only now that he has heard the disgrace that is Lynne's singing voice.

Lynne reaches for a towel but she does not seem remotely wet. Her hair is impeccable and there are no drops of water on her. The lines in the first panel suggest that water is inside the shower area, but the same shading is on the bathroom mirror. This may just be suggesting that George and Lynne's bathroom is in dire need of a clean. So Lynne has been just standing in the shower for the last ten minutes pretending to wash. Not only is the bathroom in need of a wash, but so is Lynne. How long has she been doing this? It might not even be Lynne's singing that is causing George's grimace, but the smell when he has entered the bathroom.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


George is at work. An unnamed colleague is knocking on the boss's door saying that the boss wants to talk to him. When George enquires what it is about the colleague replies that it is about his fertile imagination. George thinks that this is a good thing but the colleague explains that it is not when it comes to his expenses.

What an interesting insight into George's office life. In George's office he wears a tie, as does his colleague, and it is warm/stressful enough for both of them to have started to roll up their sleeves. They come in in jackets but when the going gets tough, they start to roll up their sleeves. It also helps not to get ink on their sleeves when they are writing out contracts.

This colleague is worried. He should be worried. Even if he hadn't fiddled his expenses he'd be on his way out anyway. Look at him, he's a grandad! We don't need dinosaurs like him in the Wimbledon property lawyer business. It's a cut throat industry and is no place for old timers like him. If he's lucky he'll get a pay off and a good pension.

The boss is THE BOSS and has it on the door. No one knows the boss' name but the boss is feared and revered in equal measure. The Boss is also.... a woman!! Yes, look at the arm in the last frame. It is hard yet feminine. It has two gold bracelets and and shows bare flesh. This is big news for a female boss in 1982. What with George being so attractive, and such a good property lawyer, I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't made some advances during a late evening slog. Of course George refused and The Boss admired his integrity and promoted him. The Boss is played by Cherie Lunghi.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Lynne is talking to a vicar. She asks him about the interesting marriage she heard that he performed last week. The vicar confirms that it was Tim and Tina that told him they would be marrying in pink but he didn't quite realise what they meant, which was that they were getting married in the nude.

Lynne is leaning provocatively over that altar and the vicar doesn't look amused. If she's not careful, her ample bosom will knock over the cross and candle. Has Lynne just popped in for a chat with the vicar? Is she there for confession and decided to stay for a chinwag? The circumstances of Lynne's visit to the church today are most intriguing. She may be just on one of her outings and decided to pop in to the church on the off chance that the vicar could confirm the rumour she heard about a naked wedding.

However disgruntled the vicar may be with Lynne's cleavage, he is more than willing to explain the marriage in question. He never actually tells us that they were married in the nude but he never denies it either. He knows that Lynne knows they were married in the nude so it isn't necessary for him to say they were married in the nude, more just to say that he was surprised at what happened that day. It sounds as though it was an interesting day but not one that the vicar would like to draw attention to and he certainly doesn't want the church to start getting a reputation for a place where you can have unusual marriage ceremonies.

Tina and Tim really are attention seekers. You could imagine a nude wedding where everyone who was invited was a naturist but not them. They probably didn't even mention it on the invite but kept it a secret deliberately to shock people. Everyone else who has come to the wedding, and the people we can see look like the parents, are wearing normal wedding attire, as they should. Perhaps they have some naturist friends on the other side of the church who are also in the nude but the official photographer has decided not to capture them.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


George and Lynne have gone over to Sammy and 'Mantha's house. George notices a lot of empty wine bottles in the garden and comes to the assumption that Sammy had a party. Lynne is upset that her and George were not invited. They then notice Sammy in his garden chair still drinking wine and decide that he didn't invite anyone else either.

Sammy's garden is very overgrown, much like we saw before, so he still hasn't hired a gardener. Sammy drinks a lot and his garden is overgrown; he is a lazy drunk. With this information available to George and Lynne, it is surprising that they think that he has had a party. Surely they would think that Sammy has once again forgotten to take his wine bottles to the recycling.

I think that the most interesting point here is that they only mention Sammy. Where is 'Mantha? Have they temporarily separated? I think we would have known about this. Maybe 'Mantha is on a business holiday. Does 'Mantha work? If it was a small holiday we would have assume that she would have asked Lynne. This is probably the reason why Lynne feels so disgruntled. She has been neglected by both 'Mantha and Sammy in the space of two days. How demoralising. She, and we, had no idea 'Mantha had any other friends.

Sammy has not had a party. He has merely been drinking all night. Who knows when he started but he looks asleep now and there are 3 empty bottles of red wine, 2 empty bottles of white wine and one empty clear bottle, which may or may not have previously contained whiskey. That is quite a lot of alcohol. It's no wonder he's tired. It all fits together now. 'Mantha has gone away, something which Lynne is not too happy about, and has asked George and Lynne to check on Sammy to make sure he is eating healthily. They go round on Sunday morning and then we see this scene. They throw Sammy in a cold bath to wake him up and then feed him a full english breakfast. They help him clear up to hide all evidence because he's not really meant to be drinking at the moment. What nice friends Sammy has.

Monday, November 30, 2009


George and Lynne are driving to the golf course. George comments that it is a lovely day to play a round. As they get out of the car, Lynne notices a friend called Fran. She tells George that she didn't know Fran had taken up golf. She sees her kissing a man and says that she is playing around.

It looks like George is a bit cavalier with his driving. He is driven to the golf course but instead of parking in the car park where everybody else has, he has decided to just drive onto the golf course. He thinks that initially a bunker would be a good place to park but decides to drive straight through it, past the 5th tee and then parks. The club staff are hopping mad but feel constrained to do anything about it because George brings in so many hospitality parties.

Fran is new to golf. It's not that Lynne didn't know that Fran even played golf but she didn't know that Fran had taken up golf. Lynne may have had a conversation with Fran about golf recently, and that at the club she goes to George can park anywhere because he such a valued member. Fran, who has always had a problem with her parking and would like a hobby, decides golf is a good idea and, without consulting Lynne, joins the golf club. If she had told Lynne she might have found that a discounted membership fee might have been on the cards by mentioning George's name.

Fran is a hussy. Lynne, whose shirt is very unflattering, says that Fran is playing around. This means that she is currently in a relationship. It may not be serious relationship because Fran is being very open with her flirting. There are three men vying for her attention when George and Lynne arrive. At first glance it seems that the man in the red shirt is doing well but it's the man in the white shirt who seals the deal with a kiss. The man in the blue shirt is nowhere to be seen by the end of this episode. This may be to do with his lack of hat which thwarted his attempts at wooing, or that he's seen George wearing the same shirt and has run away in embarrassment.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne is looking in the window of a flower shop and George is outside a fruit and veg shop. Lynne tells George that as it's her birthday he ought to buy her a bunch. George asks whether it should be grapes or bananas.

It's Lynne's birthday so they must be out for the day, perhaps for a leisurely lunch in a quiet town outside of London. As they stroll from the restaurant to the car, they stop to take in the quaintness of the small town. Lynne likes flowers but George is fascinated by the fruit and vegetables. This is because the lunch was quite expensive and he could only afford one course at the restaurant. George liked his lunch, but feels as though he is not completely satisfied so wants to finish off his lunch with an orange.

Lynne smiles at the end after George's joke as she thinks that he isn't being serious. She has already had her proper present, which was probably some jewellery or perfume or negligee. George is half joking. He is not really going to buy her some fruit, but it is his way of saying “I have bought you a necklace (or perfume or negligee) and taken you out for a very expensive lunch, and you still expect me to buy you flowers. No, it's fruit or nothing for you.” Lynne liked the joke so much that she decided on grapes. George's plan has backfired but at least he only had to pay a pound for a bunch of grapes, and that's a darn sight cheaper than the black forest gateau he had his eye on.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


George and Lynne are talking to Lady Blenkinsop. She tells them that her son's main interests seem to be gardening and cooking. Lynne asks her if he has time to pursue both. Lady Blenkinsop says that it seems he does, and we see him chasing the gardener and the cook around the garden.

George and Lynne are having quite an informal chat with Lady Blenkinsop so it would suggest that they know her rather than just going to a National Trust house. How well do they know this Lady Blenkinsop because although it looks like the real Lady Blenkinsop in the first frame, in the second frame it looks like a man in a dress. Suddenly her jaw line is less defined and she has a receding hair line. What has this imposter done with Lady Blenkinsop!? George and Lynne have no idea that this isn't the real Lady Blenkinsop. She's probably tied up in the pantry.

Whoever it is that is claiming to be Lady Blenkinsop, she hasn't been paying too much attention to her son. His interests aren't really gardening and cooking. He is just claiming this so he can try and woo the maid and the gardener. If Lady Blenkinsop, or whoever is claiming to be Lady Blenkinsop, knew what was going on she would have to fire her gardener and maid. Her son is obviously the problem but the staff are enjoying the attention. They could probably keep their jobs, just as long as their work isn't suffering. The son should make a decision about which one he likes the best. We can only imagine it will be the one he catches first.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


George and Lynne are walking along the beach in the evening. George has started singing a song. He sings 'Give me the moonlight, give me the girl' but he then stops singing because they are attacked by mosquitoes.

Opposites certainly do attract. George is wearing all white and Lynne is still going with the heavy metal outfit. George is serenading Lynne with a Frankie Vaughan number whereas Lynne has been rocking out to The Number Of The Beast recently. Initially she was sceptical about Bruce Dickinson joining as lead singer as she was never fond of Samson but she was turned as soon as she heard Run To The Hills. So to Lynne, George has just made up a song on the spot. This makes George look good. Well as good as you can look wearing all white.

It has to be said, but look at the size of those mosquitoes! These are not the midges of the Highlands of Scotland. It's as though these mosquitoes have mutated into killing machines. Have George and Lynne decided to have a holiday in Windscale? It looks really scary. It's almost as if the armageddon has started. Black clouds have formed in the sky and now it's so dark you can't see anything apart from the mosquitoes. It's as if the clouds are made of mosquitoes. It's so scary even Lynne's coat has turned white with fear.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Lynne is in a pub. She watches George and Sammy have a conversation and thinks to herself that they are talking about old times. She then looks at an older couple of gentlemen and thinks they must be talking about ancient times. Finally she looks at two very old gentlemen and thinks they are talking about prehistoric times.

Lynne is in a pub but has decided to go for the punk chic look today. As this is 1982, this is Lynne finding out about punk about 3 years too late. She is trying to cling to her youth by dressing like this. Punk is over and it is now all about post punk. Perhaps she is taking fashion tips from Iron Maiden with this look. The tight trousers and studded belt have a heavy metal feel to them.

Lynne is right; George and Sammy are reminiscing about old times. The two of them have known each other for a long time and they like nothing better than to talk about the good old days when they were chasing women back in the early 70s. Fresh out of university, the world was their oyster. That is until one day when they went to a party and Sammy struck up a conversation with a pretty short haired girl with massive earrings and the same name as him. So ensued a loving relationship and a spiralling drink problem.

Lynne is making assumptions about the other two conversations. That is of course unless the first two old men are archaeologists who are reminiscing about the time Howard Carter discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun. The final two gentlemen must be paleantologists and are discussing the evolution of the dinosaurs into birds. It's amazing the variety of conversation you can get in a local pub.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Lynne is out jogging when a young girl called Becky comes past on her bike. She says hi to Lynne who says hi back. Lynne asks Becky how she found school today. Becky replies that it was easy, and goes on to add that it hadn't moved since yesterday.

Lynne is either about to go jogging or has just finished her jog as she is stretching off. It is very important to warm up before exercise and to warm down after exercise. It prevents injuries and strains so Lynne is right to do it. As she looks quite made up, it seems she is stretching off before going for a jog. As Becky has just returned from school on a bike, Lynne will have to be careful the route of her jog doesn't hit the after school crowd as it might upset her rhythm. Lynne may not be training for a marathon, but she likes to stay in shape so a bad jog may ruin her entire day.

The education system in Wimbledon is failing. No, that is unfair. It is wherever Becky used to go to school that is failing. This is a girl of about 15 who not only does not understand a simple question about her day, but thinks that schools in this area change location on a daily basis. Lynne has enquired about Becky's day, but Becky has taken it very literally. This may be down to her intelligence, but it might be down to the fact that Becky's last school was situated on the back of a lorry. We can only assume that Becky either had a torrid time trying to find the school yesterday, which may have been her first day, or she assumed that it wouldn't have been in the same place because of the fluidity of the location of her previous school.

Trying to guess the location of a school is not a good way to start a day. The children in that mobile school must be perpetually behind in their work as they spend most of the morning trying to find the thing. It's no wonder Becky's parents pulled her out of that school and put her in one with static walls. Of course it could be this school that is situated on the back of a lorry but it has broken down so hasn't been able to move today. Either that or it parked in a residential area and is now clamped. Where will it be tomorrow? Who knows, with all the two hour parking in Wimbledon, it could be anywhere.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


George and Lynne are at the beach. George tells Lynne that old Albert is 108 years old. Lynne thinks this is amazing and asks George if he knows what Albert puts his long life down to. George replies that it is his wife, but continues that it is the fact that his wife left him when he was 21.

George and Lynne are on holiday. They are sunbathing and have got the start of a tan. They are are also far more tanned than the other people who are at the beach. This is of course the benefit of not having children. George and Lynne are able to take their holiday overlapping those people who have to base their holidays around the school holidays. They have started their holiday a little earlier to get some much needed alone time and work on their tans but have still overlapped it with the other people so to make the holiday friends they so need to get through a two week holiday with just the two of them.

Old Albert is known to both George and Lynne. He is old so therefore he is known as old Albert. George knows his age but Lynne does not which gives the impression that perhaps he is not really a local celebrity but perhaps a person they have met on this particular holiday. George has spent a good half hour chatting with old Albert when Lynne comes back from having a swim in the sea. Lynne joins in the last 5 minutes of the conversation, but Albert has to leave because being out in the sun for too long is bad for him. It is at this point that George wishes to share the conversation he has just had with old Albert as he found him so fascinating.

George thinks it's quite funny that old Albert puts his long life down to his wife leaving him when he was 21 but in fact it is quite tragic. He was so hurt by this woman that he has never remarried and has spent the next 87 years fearing commitment in case it happens again. He has instead spent his life devoting himself to health and chastity, without any specific religious beliefs. These lonely years may have resulted in a long life but it is in fact an unfulfilled one. Old Albert tells his story every day to anyone who points and stares at the old wrinkly man who looks old enough to be dead and goes to bed every night crying, praying that he doesn't wake up the next morning.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


George and Lynne are out feeding the ducks. Lynne tells George that she went to a new doctor that George had recommended. George asks Lynne what she thought of him. All the ducks start quacking and Lynne decides to answer the question by referring to the sound that the ducks are making, thus calling this doctor a quack.

What is wrong with Lynne? She's had to see a doctor but she has been so unimpressed with her normal doctor that she has had to seek a new one. And it is George who has recommended this new doctor. So this means that they do not usually go to the same doctor. This means that the doctor that George has recommended must be a specialist doctor of some sort and Lynne's ailment needs a specialist. George goes to the same doctor so the ailment must be unisex, so it can't be lady orientated. Some sort of sports injury maybe.

George and Lynne certainly have different views of this doctor. George has recommended him because he thinks he is very good. It is either this or someone at George's work thinks this and mentioned him after Lynne's ailment came up in conversation. If this is the case then it might be some sort of lady troubles that Lynne is having. I don't think Lynne would be too happy with George for telling his entire office about Lynne's problems. Sensitivity is the name of the game here and George doesn't have it. However it is a small price to pay to get Lynne's problems sorted out once and for all, and this doctor is highly recommended.

Lynne was not impressed with the doctor. Whatever her problem is, this doctor has not sorted it. In fact he didn't even have a clue and gave her some nonsense prescription, probably the same one she had from the previous doctor who she had to stop seeing. What do you have to do to get your lady problems sorted out in this town? These doctors aren't doing it. If it doesn't get better soon, Lynne will have to go further afield to find a reputable doctor who can sort it out. Surely 'Mantha knows a good doctor, or at least a place where you can buy Canesten.

Monday, November 16, 2009


George and Lynne are out on a rowing boat. George comments that there is nothing like a relaxing day on the river to which Lynne makes an unimpressed sound. George tells her to quit moaning, row and enjoy the view. Lynne decides to take her top off and tells George to row and admire the view. George agrees this is a good idea.

George certainly is stuck in the 70s when it comes to women's rights. He has suggested a river trip and has then demanded that she row the boat. You would think that this isn't very gentlemanly but maybe he has injured an elbow playing tennis. However if that was the case it is rather a foolish idea to go rowing. Yes Lynne can row but if something happens to her then there is no contingency plan. They could quite easily be stranded on the river; two adults with bad arms. Swimming is an option but with a bad arm that will also be difficult. They will just have to wait for assistance and hope the current doesn't pick up.

Lynne doesn't want to row and it takes some quick thinking from her to get out of it. Thanks to her impressive chest, she can persuade George to take the oars. It looks as though George will do anything to get a look at his wife's breasts. This would seem strange for a couple who appear to be very at ease with each other. However, what with the birth of the internet still a good 13 years away, at least in the home market, George needs to get his fix of nudity somehow.

Let's hope that the view of Lynne does not take George's attention away from rowing too much. For an inexperienced rower like himself, as he is obviously not injured so he probably didn't want to row through fear of showing his laughable technique, the waters can be a dangerous place. Too much staring and not enough awareness could cause that row boat to get caught in some reeds, or a shallow bank. It should now be Lynne's job to navigate because, let's be fair, she isn't doing anything else.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


George covers Lynne's eyes and asks her to guess who it is. Lynne replies that it is the love of her life. George tells her she is right and confirms that it is indeed him who covered her eyes. Lynne says she was expecting Colin Farrell, but she quickly retracts that remark by saying she was only joking. When she walks away she says that it was actually Brad Pitt she was hoping for.

Unless strange men are making the habit of wandering around George and Lynne's house, then the answer to the question of 'Guess Who?' can only be George. If they had some builders or decorators in, it is possible for it to be one of them, but it would be very unprofessional for a reputable builder to walk into his client's bedroom while she is in her underwear and play a flirtatious game with her. That sort of behaviour may work on the spinsters of Wimbledon but not here. You get on with the job and only call up the stairs if you wish to speak to the lady of the house.

In the remaining part of this episode, Lynne mentions two men we have not heard of before; Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt. As this is 1982, these obviously cannot be the current Hollywood actors of the same name as they will have been aged 5 and 18 respectively. That said it may be the same Brad Pitt. Do we know if he went on a school exchange to the London suburbs in the early 80s? If Lynne has fallen for the good looks of an 18 year old American then the marriage is surely in danger. Does the now 54 year old Lynne look back at her time when she could have snared a future movie star with regret or thank her lucky stars she stayed with George for a happy life?

Alternatively, these are local men who just happen to have the same names of movie stars now. Perhaps this is why this episode is so intriguing. What are the chances of those two local men that Lynne finds attractive having the same names as future Hollywood movie stars? It's slim that's for sure. The problem is though that these are real men that Lynne is actually in love with. Why on earth did she marry George if she held a torch for these men? Let's hope it is just a phase and it won't turn into a full blooded affair. However it seems it already has escalated into an affair as Lynne truly was expecting Brad Pitt (from Colliers Wood) to walk into her bedroom. Does he have a key, or is he a reputable painter and decorator?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Lynne is having a glass of wine with an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that her parents gave her a list of Dos and Don'ts when she got engaged. She shows a small piece of paper to Lynne and tells her it is the dos and then 8 pieces of paper which are the don'ts.

This unnamed woman looks very depressed. We would expect that this is a pre-arranged drink of wine, but has the friend called Lynne because she wants to talk to her about the problem she is having at the moment or did she save that information for when she met Lynne? She certainly wouldn't want to scare Lynne off, especially as Lynne has already complained about people telling her their problems. Perhaps this woman is a hairdresser or a barmaid and this is why Lynne has agreed to meet her.

This woman has brought the pieces of paper with her to the bar. Is she carrying them around at all times so she can tell people about what her parents have told her? This is going to get quite tiresome for her friends. People will start not inviting her to events and evenings because they know she will turn up with her trademark bits of paper. Yes it is bad that her parents obviously disapprove of her engagement, but surely if she loves this man then she should rebel against her parents. Unless of course they are threatening her with cutting her out of the will if she does not comply with these rules they have set up. Or even just not pay for her wedding. It must be that her suitor is nothing but a poor mechanic, and her upper class parents do not approve of her marrying out of the family unit.

What on earth are these don'ts that have taken up 8 pieces of paper? If they disapprove, it should just consist of "Don't get married!" but they have obviously gone into far more detail than that. Don't these old cronies know that it is no longer their day. It is 1982 for heaven's sake! The world has changed. These people have no concept of late 20th century life, so much so that they are not writing on both sides of the paper. Or maybe they are. If that is the case that is 15 full sides taken up with writing. And unless they have two different sizes of paper in their house, they have gone to the trouble of cutting down the paper that the dos were written on, just to emphasise how little there is she should do. And I bet they got their butler to do it too.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Lynne is out and about. She is talking to a woman wearing an open shirt who tells her that she wants to be a fashion designer. Lynne tells her that she thinks she has a distinctive look. The woman asks Lynne if she shows promise. Lynne replies that she might be showing too much promise as George and Sammy are staring at her.

There must be a conversation we've missed here. There is surely no way that this woman has stopped Lynne to tell her that she wants to be a fashion designer. Does she actually hang around street corners wearing provacative clothes telling people her proposed vocation? No, the beginning to this conversation must be Lynne saying something along the lines of 'Nice shirt' or 'I showed that much cleavage at a party last week.'

The strangely dressed woman is now asking Lynne for her approval. So Lynne has commented on her outfit or Lynne has had a previous life on the catwalk. With Lynne giving up any career she might have after marrying George, she could have done any number of things in her early 20s. She certainly has a fine array of dresses and many people in the neighbourhood have commented on her looks so she could have been a model. Perhaps the woman stopped Lynne and said 'You're Lynne, the woman who used to be a model.'

George and Sammy are also out and about. But where is 'Mantha? Has George invited Sammy out without 'Mantha? Are George and Sammy out independently to Lynne? It is likely that Lynne wanted to go shopping but George promised to meet Sammy in the pub. They had previously arranged to meet at a certain time and a certain place. It just so happens that this woman is trying to solicit clothes designs at that very place. George has told Sammy he has to meet Lynne and Sammy is going in that direction anyway so they walk together. They see the woman just as she is striking a pose to show Lynne exactly how a model would pose if she was wearing that shirt that she is wearing. Soon the woman leaves, George meets Lynne and Sammy staggers home. Nothing untoward, just a normal Saturday.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are in a line for a helicopter ride for charity. The man selling tickets tells them to stand back as the helicopter takes off. As it does take off it blows off their clothes. The ticket seller decides to sell tickets to look at the sexy ladies for charity.

As Lynne and 'Mantha can no longer work for charity, they have to give money the normal way. In this case it is taking a ride in a helicopter, with the proceeds going to charity. Although a ride in a helicopter would normally be a big draw, there are only 4 people queuing up. However there must be at least another two in the helicopter. So in total 6 people want a ride in a helicopter. Unless this man in the hat and sunglasses is selling tickets for £100 each then it's not going to be a very lucrative day.

Once the helicopter takes off, Lynne and 'Mantha's clothes are blown clean off. These must be some shoddy clothes. How can a fierce gust of wind blow dresses off? By the look of them when they are in the queue, the dresses look quite tight fitting. Either they are factory seconds or the short man in the queue has secretly unzipped them. They were so excited to go on the helicopter that they didn't notice some fat fingers running down their backs.

The man with the hat and sunglasses does some quick thinking and in the time it takes for the helicopter to come back he has drawn up a sign selling the sexy ladies. His lettering is very good and he must have used the other side of his helicopter sign, but to draw it up so quickly it appears he must have been in cahoots with the short fat man who unzipped their dresses. Are the sexy ladies more lucrative than the helicopter rides? The man in the hat and sunglasses must think so. He now has four people buying tickets, but two of those could be the helicopter pilots. One man is so pleased that he is holding up his Donkey Kong game.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Lynne is at a party. An unnamed woman approaches her and comments that the dress she has chosen is rather daring. Lynne agrees and adds that she thinks it's a bit too daring as one man has had his eyes on her boobs all evening. The woman asks if it is her husband, George. George interjects from afar that it isn't him but the woman's husband, who has come for another look.

Lynne is fast becoming the Jennifer Lopez/Elizabeth Hurley of the Wimbledon party circuit. After the furore surrounding that last dress she wore, you would think that she might have chosen something a little more conservative this time. But Lynne is a daring woman herself so it is fitting for her to wear a daring dress. Luckily she has decided against any form of jewellery which might find its way to her nether regions. If she had, my guess the man with the rakish moustache in the background would have been first to offer his assistance.

It seems that the unnamed woman, who is probably jealous of both Lynne's dress sense and guts, has tried to guess a joke that she thought Lynne was going to say. She thought Lynne would say 'my husband, George!' if asked which man had been staring at her boobs, so has tried to get in there first. My how it's backfired. The last thing she expected was it to be her own husband. Egg is now well and truly on her face.

George and Lynne know each other extremely well. They also have a small vendetta against this lady and her much older husband. Granted, this man has been staring at Lynne's boobs all night so this is ample reason to exact their own form of vengeance. After the third time he came over, Lynne went to George and they discussed this man. Just then, they saw the wife spot Lynne and come over to say hello. They have pre-planned the joke and knew full well the woman would passively accuse George of being the perverted one. George and Lynne then riff off each other effortlessly with the grace of Flanders and Swann.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are out and about when Lynne comments that although they said they would wash any vehicle to make money for charity, she didn't expect it to be muddy tanks. However the soldiers are more than willing to wash the tanks whilst Lynne and 'Mantha sunbathe on the tank topless.

Did Lynne and 'Mantha co-ordinate their outfits for this charity vehicle wash? At first glance they are wearing the same outfit of purple halter-neck crop top and denim hotpants, but a second look shows that 'Mantha's top is more low cut than Lynne's. The dress code between them must have been denim hotpants definitely and then any purple halter-neck that you own. Let's not be too strict here.

It becomes clear that Lynne and 'Mantha did not organise this charity vehicle wash themselves. If they did, they would not have decided to go to the nearest army barracks. They would have gone to a supermarket car park instead. More cars, less tanks. No, they have signed up to an undisclosed charity to do their bit and they have been given the vehicle wash assignment. They gracefully accepted as it is certainly not the done thing to turn your nose up at charity work if you've said you'd do it. Granted, they maybe should have asked beforehand to prepare themselves, but they were undoubtedly expecting cars.

Now, do Lynne and 'Mantha still get their sponsorship money for not doing the cleaning? Have they been sponsored by members of the public or are they charging the soldiers to clean their tanks? If it is the former I suppose they could lie and say they did the washing. However if it is the latter they have to now ask the soldiers for money for washing their own tanks, lest they go back to the charity with empty pockets. What do they say? 'I'm sorry but the soldiers said they'd clean the tanks and we're far too lazy to do it ourselves. In fact we spent the whole afternoon tanning our tits.' This may be the last charity these ladies work for.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


George is in his car outside the Court of Justice. Lynne comes out and George asks her how Sharon's court case went. Lynne explains that it was all a misunderstanding. Whilst getting into the car, she continues that Sharon was told to stock take on her first day at the shoe shop. Lynne explain that she did, but now people are happy that she returned the 20 pairs of shoes she took.

Are these courts different to the Law Courts we saw previously? Who decides whether a case goes to the law courts or the Courts of Justice? It would be assumed that the bigger cases go to the Courts of Justice as it has a more impressive name. However this case seems to be a simple case of shoplifting whereas the unknown case that went to the law courts was described by George as an important case. Maybe he was being sarcastic to Lynne's friend then. It can't have been that important as Lynne didn't even go into the courts on the previous case whereas for this one she has been in there all day as support to Sharon.

Does anyone say 'How went'? Perhaps George is actually from the upper class and has eschewed his heritage for a life with Lynne. He is the Edward VII of Wimbledon. Sort of.

I don't suppose the judge in this case could have been very happy. He must have been quite annoyed that this case had got all the way to court before the misunderstanding had been uncovered. Surely this could have been sorted out before any formal charges were pressed. How many times did they ask Sharon to return the shoes before she was arrested? Wasting police time would have been a more appropriate charge. Finally, this Sharon must be pretty stupid. You can understand if she didn't know what a stock take was if she had never worked in retail before, but did she really think that she was allowed to take 20 pairs of shoes home on her first day? And what was the manager doing when this woman was walking out the shop with 20 boxes of shoes? Please don't tell me he let a woman with no formal retail experience lock up the shop on her first day. That is the real crime here.

Monday, November 2, 2009


George and Lynne are at the seaside. Whilst enjoying an ice-cream together, George comments that there is nothing quite like a British summer. Just then the sky becomes overcast and it starts raining heavily. Lynne agrees that there is nothing quite like a British summer, although sarcastically.

This is not a weekend away. It is more an impromptu trip down to the seaside to enjoy the fantastic weather we have been having. George suggested it and they jumped in his car and sped down. Luckily they found a parking spot reasonably close to the promenade and they have decided their first port of call is a traditional ice-cream cone. It is warm and both George and Lynne, and the other seaside goers behind them, are wearing suitable clothing.

Then we notice something strange. Yes, both George and Lynne have not taken one lick of their ice-creams. What is wrong with them? What is wrong with the ice-creams? It could be that in their excitement they neglected to read the labels and have both chosen a lemon based ice-cream instead of the standard vanilla they wanted. They both look so similar! Or could it be that they have been distracted by the unfeasibly large cones? There is no way the ice-cream goes to the bottom. The super deluxe cone is 55p more expensive and for what? More wafer.

The weather has turned from wonderful to terrible in a matter of seconds. Is this actually possible? Did George and Lynne read the forecast before driving down? They are on the coast so a sea breeze could have blown this shower in from France. Let's hope it is only a shower. George and Lynne certainly think it is as they have made absolutely no attempt to find cover. No, instead they standing in the rain still not eating their ice-creams. That rain will melt those ice-creams pretty quickly, and then what will they be left with? A couple of really big wet cones.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Lynne is at an unnamed friend's house. She comments that having a jacuzzi in the garden is the height of luxury. Lynne's friend explains that her new sugar daddy paid for it. Lynne tells her to make sure she keeps him sweet.

Lynne is right, jacuzzis are very expensive. Although putting one in the garden does scream good taste, it also suggests that the friend does not have the space to put it inside her house. However a closer look shows that it isn't just that the jacuzzi has been plopped down anywhere in the garden, it has been recessed into the patio which shows that it is a professional job. And a fantastic addition to a great looking garden – just look at the greenery, awning and decking.

A third look at the jacuzzi shows that it is very shallow. So even though it has been built into the patio, it seems that the concrete foundations were too much for the builders and they could only dig so far. So instead of the lap of luxury, we have a paddling pool with bubbles. The friend is trying to cover up this oversight by telling Lynne about some new boyfriend with a lot of money. It would have been better if the boyfriend had oversaw the whole construction, rather than just give this woman the money as she has employed cowboys.

By the end of this little saga, Lynne has had enough. She can't get comfortable in two inches of lukewarm bubbly water and her back is now killing her. She leans forward in pain to try and get out but her shoulder locks. It's a sad end to what started as an exciting day. However we can assume that when she arrived at her friend's house she did not expect to be sitting in a jacuzzi. If she had, I would have expected her to have brought her bikini top. But the friend also has no top on, which suggest she is either an extrovert, going topless to make Lynne stand out less or has no bikini herself. If it is the latter then the builders must only have finished this morning. With that news, this may be the first time this jacuzzi has been tested, and the shallowness of it is as much as a shock to the friend as it is to Lynne.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


George and Lynne are out shopping. Lynne brings a sale to the attention of George. George tells Lynne that he might be able to pick up a bargain for her. Lynne calls George a cheapskate.

George has been putting up a fight against Lynne's shopping trip this time. He has been telling Lynne in no uncertain terms that he is desperately low on money and that they have to cut down their outgoings. Lynne knows she has to persuade him somehow that this shopping trip is worthwhile. Luckily she spots a sale and can lure George into this shop.

George agrees that this sale may be worthwhile. There is up to 70% off on some items and some women are already trying to find the bargains. To the untrained eye, it would appear that Lynne is a bit of a hypocrite. She has shown George the sale but called him a cheapskate for wanting to find a bargain. But Lynne is an experienced shopped. She knows that any item worth its salt will not be on sale. She is hoping to lure George in to the sale and then find something brand new and claim that it is in the sale. Having George wanting to buy an items for her himself is ruining her plan. Not only will George not be spending the amount of money that Lynne thinks he should, but she is also more likely to get some shoddy merchandise. If there's one thing George should know is let Lynne buy her only clothes. She usually takes anything back that George buys her and she knows that items on sale are usually non-refundable. A bad day for Lynne.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


Lynne is in a travel agents and asks the proprietor how the holiday business is. The man replies that it is very slow. Just then he has an idea how to attract new customers. Lynne is then posing in the window. George asks when he will get his wife back, to which the man replies at the end of the summer.

On a normal trip into town, Lynne has ended up inside a travel agents. It would seem she has no intention of booking a holiday so we can assume that she knows this man. She also feels the need to name his business the 'holiday business'. This would imply that this man has one or many other businesses that Lynne could have been enquiring about. These other businesses must be able to look after themselves, with the help of some skilled managers of course, but it is the holiday business that needs this man's undivided attention at the moment.

The man's head shakes uncontrollably when he has his idea. It's so simple, he thought to himself, why didn't I think of it beforehand? His idea, of course, is to put an attractive woman, in this case Lynne, in his window to attract more holiday goers. This would mean that business was so slow that no attractive women at all have come into his shop recently. It's been old men going on walking holidays which quite frankly are not very lucrative to a travel agent.

So Lynne is in the window, flaunting her body to help a needy travel agent. It is certainly working, as there are at least 6 men who are interested in booking a holiday now. The strapline must be something along the lines of 'You could meet a woman like this on holiday.' George asks when he is getting his wife back. Lynne finally has a job! Let's just hope she's actually getting paid for this. She will be working until the end of the summer, which is sometime in the middle of September. Will she have to be in that window all the time with only a cocktail? George needn't worry too much. He'll be at work during the week and there is certainly no trading on Sundays in the 80s so it's only Saturdays he'll miss her. Use that time, George, to go to football matches, fishing or doing those odd jobs you like doing. And be thankful for the extra income.

Monday, October 26, 2009


George and Lynne are having an argument. George likes football but Lynne likes shopping. During the argument Lynne tricks George into saying he likes shopping. Due to his confusion, he agrees to take Lynne shopping and curses himself for falling for Lynne's trick again.

George likes football. He either wants to stay in and watch it on the television or wants to go to the match, which they have done together before. If he and Lynne are season ticket holders, then you would assume that they would not want to waste the money they have spent on the season tickets. Every home game should be in the diary otherwise that is money not well spent. Lynne clearly has not remembered this and is adamant that shopping is more important today.

This is one long argument; during the time from the start to the actual trip to the shops, George changes his clothes twice. At the beginning he is wearing a red shirt and then promptly changes into a white shirt. At the shops he is wearing a more jaunty polo-neck and jacket. Lynne on the other hand wears the same purple top throughout, although the one she is wearing to the shops looks a little different. Perhaps she thinks that purple is her lucky colour and she might pick up some bargains if she wears the same colour that she won an argument in. Lynne is extremely superstitious and will have to wear the same colour for the action as the colour she wore when she first had the idea for the action.

Lynne has played this trick on George before. The reason George keeps falling for it is that he isn't very bright. He assumes that the word shopping should always follow the word football. If he was paying attention during the argument, or if he really wanted to go to the football, he wouldn't have made that mistake. Subconciously, George doesn't even like football.

Friday, October 23, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are on a hike. They pass Farmer Ted and ask him how he is. Ted replies that he's OK but he had to sack the new guy for falling asleep on the job. Ted goes on to tell the ladies that the new guy protested it wasn't his fault. 'Mantha is confused and asks why, to which Ted replies that the new guy said he was counting sheep.

It's always good to see that even though she is out hiking 'Mantha insists on wearing her trademark earrings which match her top. Both women have opted for hotpants which, although give a lot of air to the legs, might end up chafing that upper thigh area. 'Mantha and Lynne aren't strangers to hiking so a trip to the local outdoor sports shop should be in order.

You have to wonder whether Farmer Ted enjoys being known as Farmer Ted. He must be the only farmer around, or there is another prominent Ted in the community who has a different profession. A fireman perhaps. There will be an occasion in the future where someone will refer to Ted as Farmer Ted and he will snap. Not in a vehement way mind you as Ted is a mild man. More in the manner of telling the unsuspecting person that farming does not define him and he has many other hobbies such as upholstery and progressive rock. Also he will say that he didn't always want to become a farmer and his true passion lies in beekeeping.

Farmer Ted is a hard task master. Did he give this new guy a formal warning? Can he afford to give up an apprentice? Farmer Ted isn't a young man and will need someone to take over the farm once he no longer can, especially as his good for nothing son has gone into banking or insurance. Farmer Ted must have young men queuing round the block to be a farming apprentices. Finally, Farmer Ted is a hypocrite. He has asked the new guy to make sure that when the sheep come back in from the field there aren't any missing. How else is he going to do this? He simply has to count the sheep. Farmer Ted is one step away from a discrimination writ for firing a man with narcolepsy.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Lynne is looking out the window and asks George where he is going as he and Sammy are getting into a car. George tells her he and Sammy are going to the car showroom as they apparently have got some new models in. It turns out that George wasn't just talking about cars as the car showroom has some women models in it wearing only bikinis.

George has finally done some damage to his car due to all that unnecessary tinkering he has been doing under the bonnet, so it's time to invest in a new one. That car is a different colour to George's car, so perhaps it is Sammy's. Sammy has driven to George's but is now too drunk to drive to the car showroom, so George has had to drive them both, even though he is not insured. It's risky, but less risky than letting Sammy drive.

In the time it has taken George and Sammy to get into the car, Lynne has decided to put on a white dress over her red underwear. She realised she had the time when George said that he'll need a minute to get Sammy's seatbelt on as he can't do it himself. George starts the engine, pulls away and then calls up to Lynne to tell her where they are going. Certainly enough time to slip on a dress. Either George is being vague to throw Lynne off the real reason for their trip or there is only one car showroom in the area. If there is an emergency, Lynne will know exactly where to get hold of George.

The fact that George continues his sentence only when they get to the car showroom suggests that Sammy has been asleep for the whole journey. Sleeping off his drunken state might mean he will be fit to drive home, but let's not risk it. It also seems that George didn't know that there would be female models there and it is a nice surprise. It could be that it was Sammy's idea to go to the showroom but George rarely believes anything Sammy says as he usually heard it from some bloke down the pub. This time it has paid off to listen to Sammy. He was right about the models and now he and George can spend the morning looking at cars and women. It just a shame that the local pervert has also had the same idea and is standing next to Sammy, leering and dribbling.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Lynne returns from a party to find George watching television. George asks how the party was. Lynne replies that her necklace broke and the pearls went down her cleavage. George asks how she got them out. Lynne replies that she got help from Bob, Ken, Roy, Sid and Tom.

First things first, this is the same party that Lynne went to on her own from before. The host was Ken, who invited Lynne so he could look at her boobs. Lynne was wearing a necklace, and now she isn't. George couldn't make it because he was working late and he got back too late to go to the party so has decided to put on an old t-shirt and watch TV. He knew Lynne had gone to the party so naturally asks her how it was, to see if he missed anything. It seems he missed quite a lot.

Lynne was in a flirty mood by turning up to that party on her own and, as we have also learned, she had been drinking before she arrived. The necklace broke because she asked every man to have a look at it; a close look. Somebody slipped and pulled the necklace off but it was a cheap one from Argos and was bound to break sooner or later. To be honest, the pearls couldn't have really gone down her cleavage when you look at that dress. There's nowhere for them to go. They must have fallen down her dress which means it was the naval area that they were stuck in.

The scene culminates in 5 dribbling middle-aged men fishing out mock pearls from a drunk woman's dress. The wives of those men would have looked on horrified. It now makes sense that the women here are in fact the wives of those men. All in all, it was a good party for Ken. Lynne came alone, wore a revealing a dress and he got closer to her chest than he could've possibly imagined.

Monday, October 19, 2009


Lynne and Samantha are having lunch. Lynne informs Samantha that she will be paying for lunch, to which she thanks Lynne. Samantha finds a hair in her salad and tells the waiter, who in turn informs them that their lunch will now be free. A waitress then accidently throws salad over the ladies.

This is 'Mantha who is with Lynne, but Lynne is now calling her Sam. Perhaps Samantha, let's just call her by her full name, has grown tired of the 'Mantha moniker and now prefers a more grown up version of her name. Either that or it is Lynne who has grown tired of the difficult to pronounce 'Mantha and has decided to slip in 'Sam' in the hope it will catch on. No doubt she was called 'Mantha to stop the confusion between her and her husband when somebody would call Sam and they would both turn around. Soon after they met they decided to be Sammy and 'Mantha rather than Sam and Sam. Now Sammy is not present, Lynne is no longer faced with an ensuing confusion, so calls her Sam.

Lynne and Sam, no I can't get used to it either, are going salad crazy. The starter they have chosen certainly looks like a green salad and then the waiter arrives with what look like another two salads. Has 'Mantha found a hair in her original salad? Are those two salads for the ladies? 'Mantha must have very good eyesight to spot a hair from that distance. She must have attracted the waiter's attention when he was delivering the unconnected salads. He is the head waiter and has the authority to offer up free lunches without consultation with the management.

It looks like the meals that accidently get thrown on Lynne and 'Mantha are also salads. They also look similar to the two salads that the head waiter has. Maybe they were their salads after all and the waiter was taking them away. The waitress brings back fresh salads which then go over them. Whichever way we look at it, Lynne and 'Mantha are covered in salad and the man at the next table is quite amused by it all. He thinks that they were lucky to get a free lunch and feels a little schadenfreude at this, the second salad incident.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Lynne is ironing when George enters with his golf clubs. Lynne asks him how golf was to which George replies that he got a hole in one. George is very happy and decides he and Lynne should celebrate upstairs. An hour later, George finds a hole in his shirt because Lynne has left the iron on it.

George must be quite good at golf. It's not easy to get a hole in one and he is right to be happy about his round. What he shouldn't be happy about is that he has come back to find that Lynne still hasn't got dressed. He left before lunch with Lynne promising to do the ironing, and he returns a few hours later to find her on the first shirt.

The iron has been placed on the shirt so it is obvious that that shirt will soon be ruined. What is baffling here is that Lynne has the iron in her hand and then places it hot part down on the shirt when George grabs her. It's not like she was mid iron and was then quickly snatched away. She should know that when you place an iron down when you are not using it you should place it upright. If she does not know this, and George knows that she does not know this, then George should never have left her alone in the house with the cupboard unlocked. The whole house could have be burned to the ground.

Luckily, whatever happened upstairs only lasted an hour. It was just enough time to burn a perfect iron shaped hole in George's shirt but no more. George is understandably annoyed but he can only blame himself. He is the one that dragged Lynne upstairs and didn't check the position of the iron. He looks through the hole to make his point but Lynne knows she is blameless. George should stop looking at Lynne and turn around and maybe he'd notice that smoke is still coming from the iron. He no doubt placed the iron back on the ironing board in the wrong position again. So that's one shirt and and one ironing board cover he'll need to replace.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Lynne is at the beach with an unnamed friend. The friend asks Lynne if there are any rich single men on holiday where they are. Lynne tells her that there are loads and points out that there are some in a helicopter which is flying out to sea. The friend says that she must attract their attention and does so by waving a small flag bearing the message 'Sexy and Single'. The helicopter turns round and Lynne is surprised at how much courting has changed since her day.

Lynne is on another holiday. We can't be sure if this friend is a new holiday friend or an old friend. From the woman's question it would seem that she is a new holiday friend who Lynne met either at a bar last night or whilst sunbathing. If she knew her before, then the friend's agenda for coming on holiday would have been discussed before.

Lynne must be assuming that there are single men inside that helicopter. Perhaps she is quite bored of this woman's incessant need for rich single men as it was all she spoke about when they met in the bar last night. Lynne was fine with it then as they were both a bit tipsy but now it's wearing a bit thin. Lynne just decided to point in the general direction of a helicopter and a yacht. The woman doesn't realise Lynne is being condescending and actually tries to attract the attention of either a helicopter or a yacht which are both quite a long way away.

Do helicopters have rear view mirrors? Whoever is flying that helicopter is moving away from the beach but still manages to not only see a sign behind them, but also a small sign. If that wasn't miraculous enough, they manage to see a small sign behind them with the words printed on the other side! Those words must be either written on both sides or written in extremely thick letters. It now all makes sense; the helicopter does have a rear view mirror which luckily reversed the words which have leaked through to the other side of the sign. Where the friend got the sign from, that's another story altogether.