Sunday, May 31, 2009


George and Lynne have gone to a jazz club with Ellie to meet her new man. It turns out he plays the saxophone. George says that he must have sax appeal, which is a pun on having sex appeal, which means he's attractive.

The jazz club appears to be located on Jazz Club Street, which is either an extraordinary coincidence or the street was so named because it has a lot of jazz clubs on it. This means that this particular jazz club must have been difficult to find. Maybe that's why Ellie is waiting outside for them. It could however be that this is the only jazz club on Jazz Club Street, and the street was so named so people could find it more easily. 

Outside the club Lynne tells George who invited them. George had absolutely no idea why they were going to a jazz club, thus making his joke afterwards very spontaneous and therefore cleverer than we give him credit for. Lynne starts her sentence outside the club but then waits until they have sat down and ordered drinks to tell George why they are actually there. That must have been an extremely awkward 10 minutes of silence. George didn't know who Ellie was before this evening and he hasn't even been introduced to her.

They must also have been late because as soon as they arrive, Ellie's man is playing his saxophone, meaning Ellie has been standing on Jazz Club Street for about half an hour. Then again, she's probably on the guest list and knew what time he would come on stage, so she may have timed it perfectly. George, Lynne and Ellie are all drinking red wine from tumblers. How very Mediterranean of them.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


George and Lynne are out for a drive. They are headed somewhere and George says he will take a short cut. Lynne says that it has been a long time since they drove down it and that it used to be called Lovers' Lane. George reminisces about those days and Lynne adds on that the nights were good too.

George drives a blue two door Mercedes hatchback. He not only suggests taking a short cut, but the short cut. There are no other short cuts to George and Lynne. Strange to think that even though it is known as the short cut, it has been such a long time since they used it. Where are they driving to? An old friend's who they haven't seen for a while; Lynne's parents perhaps. If it's such a good and memorable short cut, why don't they use it more often?

By Lynne saying it was known as Lovers' Lane implies that it was used for hanky panky. George remembers those days well, and Lynne says nights too backing up the theory that it was used for hanky panky. This means that George and Lynne have been together for sometime, which also suggests that they might be driving to one of their parents' houses. We can't see if George is wearing a tie or not, but if he was I would hazard a guess it was Lynne's parents' house they were going to as George is a gentleman. Lynne has covered up, so it certainly isn't another pool party.

Where are they driving to?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


George and Lynne are out for dinner. Lynne makes a comment that her friend Jill made a mistake inviting a man for dinner. After discussion, it is revealed that this man was on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. George wonders why it was a mistake, asking if he was a fussy eater. Lynne claims that he'd only eat insects. George is disgusted and can't eat his dinner.

George has no frame of reference at all here. He must have been working so hard at the office as he has obviously never heard of this programme or read any tabloids. When he asks 'who?' he may actually be asking who Jill is; another friend of Lynne's. In fact he is asking who this celebrity is. If you ask me, if a friend of my wife's was dating a celebrity, it'd be big news in the neighbourhood. 

So George, having not known that Jill had been to dinner with a celebrity, instead of asking who the celebrity was, or just being amazed that Jill had been out with a celebrity, asks if he was a fussy eater, as if that could be the only reason a dinner didn't go well. It's the sort of thing your grandfather would say.

Finally, there is no way this celebrity was only into insects for his food. I've seen that programme, and I'm guessing George and Lynne haven't as they're from the 70s, and the celebrities who come out never want to eat those insects again. So I'm gussing Lynne is making a joke. George, not knowing it was a joke, is now so completely disgusted that he can't finish his dinner. It must be very easy to put George of his food if all you have to do is just mention eating insects. He is about to stand up, presumably to run to the toilet. So well done Lynne, you have ruined dinner. In fact I blame George for not knowing about this beforehand; he could have seen it coming and changed the conversation.

Who was the celebrity? Probably Joe Swash. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


George and Lynne are at somebody's pool party. Lynne notices a friend, Ellen, and her new man. She then remarks on Ellen's new man's body. George is unimpressed and implies that if he has a good body then he must be stupid. However it turns out this man is a scientist.

It is a hot day so one of the many residents has decided to have a party at their house which has a pool. George is non-plussed by Lynne's ogling but he shouldn't be as his physique is not bad. He should be happy that he is not suffering from the acute jaundice that the scientist has. Probably from the high number of white wine spritzers he's had. His swimsuit is smaller that the one George bought Lynne the other day (I assume for this pool party). I notice that Lynne isn't wearing her new tiny swimsuit. I'm glad George is playing safe with his Hawaiian shorts, no need for a speedo for him.

Is a scientist actually a profession? That could be anything from a teacher to someone discovering a new form of particle matter. Maybe that's why he's so yellow, from an experiment gone wrong.

Monday, May 25, 2009


George is looking in the mirror and complains that he is losing his hair. Lynne says that he is not whilst pulling on her pants and that it is thicker than ever, but follows this up by saying it is having trouble reaching his head. 

George is losing his hair, but at the same time it hasn't receded at all in the last 25 years. Instead of comforting him in his moment of distress, Lynne tells him he is bald and also has a hairy chest. Hair here is signified by intense shading, so we can only assume that George also has a hairy back. Even though Lynne has flat out called him a hairy bald man, George smiles at the end. Maybe it's because he has absolutely no idea what Lynne means, much like most of you.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


George has come back from town and has bought Lynne a present. Lynne likes this until she sees it's a bikini which she thinks is a bit small. George states it's the thought that counts whilst thinking about Lynne in said bikini.

I don't know why George has to go to these elaborate measures to picture Lynne in a state of undress. She's topless most of the time. He could just take her down to the old Admiral. Also, I don't know why Lynne is upset at the size of the bikini as I know full well the top will be discarded at the first opportunity.

I miss Sammy.

Friday, May 22, 2009


George and Sammy are down the pub with a mutual friend, Bill. Bill is upset because his wife has threatened to leave him. Sammy knows full well this has happened before but Bill is upset because she never leaves.

For a start, the pub is no place for an alcoholic like Sammy. George should know better but I think this evening is for Bill's sake and sacrifices need to be made. Why Bill's wife is threatening to leave him I don't know, maybe it has something to do with his ever increasing forehead. What they need to do to cheer Bill up is to buy him a drink as he's been nursing that empty pint glass for the whole conversation. I can only assume Bill has come straight from work as he is smartly attired. I do not know where Sammy has come from but his pink jacket and pink polo shirt get up is frankly not working.

Bill and his wife are staying together for the kids. George is shocked by Bill's last line, but Sammy is already drunk. Just look at how glazed over his eyes are as he stares in lust at a bottle of Chablis. The pub was a bad idea.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


George and Sammy are struggling in a rowing boat down a canal. They remark they should stay clear of the old Admiral as he doesn't like visitors, and he's showing. However he makes exception, the exception this time being Lynne and 'Mantha who are topless. The old Admiral loves them, hence the hearts.

Judging by the attire of George and Sammy, it looks like a cold Autumn weekend. The old Admiral, who is dressed like a milkman, has no right to shout at passers as he doesn't own the canal, but merely lives on a barge. He seems to be so upset that he's stepped out of the boat, named HMS. I can only assume that he got back in time. Whilst George and Sammy are cramped into one boat plunging downstream with two oars on the same side, a quick way to get nowhere, Lynne and 'Mantha have hired a boat each, and found an area of the canal with no current. It is so calm that they have been able to disrobe in order to pass the old Admiral without any trouble. In fact they have taken their plan a little too far, as the old Admiral now believes he is in love with them. He is not. He is merely lusting after their voluptuous figures. There is no emotional attachment, but it will keep him company over the next few nights.

The lesson here; if you want to pass the old Admiral without him yelling nautical stereotypes, flash your breasts and smile.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are playing a game of snooker. 'Mantha remarks that George and Sammy aren't joining them for the game, to which Lynne replies that the husbands prefer pool. George and Sammy are by the pool looking at scantily clad women.

George, Lynne, Sammy and 'Mantha have gone on a mini break somewhere hot. In a hilarious reversal of roles, it is the women who are sensibly attired and inside and the men that are semi naked and sun bathing. 'Mantha is trying to build up a break in the game of snooker as she is aiming for the pink but her technique is not up to much as she should have her head a little lower. Either that or she's attempting to screw round the pink to hit the red but that's a little unbelievable as there are two much easier reds on. What's funny here is that Lynne and 'Mantha truly believe that the reason George and Sammy haven't joined them is that they prefer pool to snooker, the ladies' game of choice, when in fact they prefer strangers breasts to their wives'. George and Sammy will spend the entire afternoon attempting to chat to these unfamiliar women and Lynne and 'Mantha will be none the wiser.

But at least it keeps Sammy's drinking under control.

Monday, May 18, 2009


George's birthday is coming up and Lynne is thinking about presents but wants to do something different. She goes to a gift shop and the red-headed assistant there very kindly asks if she can help. Lynne explains her predicament and the assistant in a crop top suggests a romantic meal with a beautiful woman. Lynne agrees but then the assistant outrageously suggests that it is her that George should dine with. Lynne is disgusted.

Lynne, knowing it is George's birthday soon decides to go to a gift shop because there is no internet in the 70s and all gifts are brought at gift shops. However, this gift shop is ahead of its time, hence Lynne making a beeline for it, as it has a prototype for a mobile phone for sale. Granted this phone is the size of a grown woman's pelvis but it is pretty accurate in its design.

But the main point is, who does this woman assistant think she is? Her behaviour would get her sacked in a heartbeat. Not only is she willing to go on a date with a married man who she has never met, but she implies that she is beautiful and Lynne is not. Does this woman know of George (perhaps the town's foremost residential solicitor) or is she so desperate for male company she's willing to lose herself any chance of a sale by insulting the customers for the sake of a date with a man? This is an attractive woman, granted with no career prospects, but I think she could find a man of her own without resorting to this practice.

I'm guessing she hasn't met Harry?

Saturday, May 16, 2009


The postman has to ring the door bell at George and Lynne's house because he has a parcel to deliver. Lynne goes to answer the door in just a towel. She sees a mouse and in terror jumps into the postman's arms. The postman, in a rare spell of comic genius, decides to repeat his line but substitutes the word sir for madame and your wife for a parcel because he now holds George's wife, who of course is Lynne. George looks confused.

Firstly why is Lynne going to answer the door in only a towel when George is clearly fully dressed and therefore in a better state to greet visitors? Secondly that looks more like a rat. Thirdly, where did said package go? If it was some fine china that George had ordered, it has now smashed on the floor. George did not get postal insurance so the postman has to be held responsible. But then you have to ask George what is more important - some fine china or his wife's well being? I know what I'd choose.

And finally, does George seriously think that the postman is delivering him his own wife wearing only a towel? If that was the case, it smacks of arrogance on the postman's part of sleeping with someone's wife, and then delivering her back to her husband as if to say 'Here you are sir, I'm done with this now.' If George did think this then he would most likely punch the postman square in the face, much like he's done to Sammy on more than one occasion. No George, there's a simple explanation for all of this. 

Thursday, May 14, 2009


An unnamed man tells Lynne, who is washing the windows in a low cut top and short tennis skirt, that he thinks moving abroad is the best idea due to the recession (probably the one of 1981). Lynne asks when he is going but the man says he isn't going anywhere but his wife flew out this morning. He then leaves with two unnamed women.

Lynne is so bored, and 'Mantha is elsewhere, so she is cleaning the windows. She got dressed as normal, called a couple of friends and no one picked up, so she had to do something. Who knows who this man is but he obviously knows Lynne well enough to start up a conversation. He has somehow hoodwinked his wife into leaving the country, most probably at huge expense, just so he can have his way with two local women, who have appeared from nowhere; didn't Lynne see them coming?

Who is this man that he can so unashamedly flaunt his affair, or at least his night of hot sex? If you look closely, Lynne looks shocked and a little bit appalled. She may think that if this man can pack his wife off just for the cheap thrill of a menage-a-trois, what is stopping every other man in this sleepy sex obsessed town? Including George!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


George is trying to impress Lynne by taking her to a local wine tasting evening (or so the banner says). George tries to impress Lynne by giving her tips on how to taste wine but Lynne questions his tips. George comes clean by saying that he only knows that through his observation of Sammy over the years.

Sammy's raging alcoholism is getting out of control. 'Mantha has banned him from drinking at home. Sammy's only outlet for booze is to go to a wine tasting evening at the local village hall. So far he has drunk two bottles and has lined up four more. Again, he is saying 'Cheers!' to absolutely no one. George is finally concerned about Sammy's problem, but will still let Sammy drive home by himself. Sammy will eventually get home the next day having spent the night in a hedge after being thrown out of the wine tasting evening for relieving himself in the spit bucket. He then has a fight with the vicar. 'Mantha is going out of her mind with worry and calls Lynne at 3am who makes a joke which everyone enjoys.

Monday, May 11, 2009


George and Lynne are out and about and Lynne asks their mutual friend Harry where he has been. Harry claims he has been out shopping in town, despite having no bags. Lynne enquires about this and Harry says that he had a good afternoon with the ladies.

What the hell has Harry, if that is his real name, been doing. It can't be anything to do with his car, which looks like a Mini convertible. Harry, played by Jonathan Rhys Meyer, has spent one afternoon in town and got 12 phone numbers, six kisses AND a hot date with a busty blonde. Where do George and Lynne live that someone like Harry can be the town lothario? What is this town that someone can kiss 6 women in one afternoon? I can understand the phone numbers; if you play the percentages you could get more. I can only assume that this town is either full of utter slappers, sex starved divorcees or incredibly ugly busty women that are so desperate for companionship that they'll fall for Harry's tried and tested advances. I've seen some of Lynne's friends so I doubt it's the latter. 

Whatever it is, George enjoyed the conversation so that's all that matters. 

Friday, May 8, 2009


George and Lynne have gone to a dance or a wedding and are frankly disgusted at the state of this modern music that is being played by the band. It is some sort of punk band. George and Lynne are still part of the previous generation and don't understand punk music. Lynne then makes a comment on how bad the Eurovision song contest is by saying that the band would make the Eurovision songs look good (0r something).

George and Lynne are diving headfirst into the punk generation and, quite frankly, they don't understand it. They are dancing to a song and then suddenly the band decide to destroy their equipment, in the way rock bands do. Now either George and Lynne have been dancing to the entire set and it's only at the last song do they decide to comment on the band, or the band are only playing one song. I'm not sure how a wedding band can afford to smash their equipment. I can also only assume that the Eurovision song contest has just been on recently, making Lynne's comment topical.

George likes the music of Frank Sinatra, and Lynne likes Demis Roussos.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


George looks pretty tired after a long day at work to find Lynne vacuuming in her underwear. When Lynne fires up a conversation as soon as he's got through the door, George meets her question with disdain, knowing that it is undoubtedly a bad joke. George humours Lynne by going along with it, and because Lynne has her breasts exposed. Lynne completes her bad joke.

George does not know that Lynne has been thinking about making that joke all day, so much so that she forgot to get dressed.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Lynne and 'Mantha are at the seaside and decide to look through a pay telescope, perhaps at the Isle of Wight. George and Sammy proclaim that they don't need a telescope to look at their wives' arses.

Lynne and 'Mantha are either complete sluts who wear stockings, suspenders and thongs to a windy day out in Portsmouth or they are off to some sort of burlesque night on the south coast and they didn't want to change in the car or a pub toilet. Either way, George and Sammy (who by the way has yet to have his first drink of the day, but it is only 10am and his ice cream is rum raisin) pretend they are looking at their own wives' arses but in fact they are looking at each other's wives' arses. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Lynne has a friend affectionately called 'Mantha. I can only assume her name is Samantha. Lynne has gone round her house in only a bra and trousers. Samantha has recently been to Russia with her husband Sammy, and bought Lynne some Russian dolls as a gift, which she fails to thank her for. Sammy didn't see much sights as he spent most of his time drinking vodka.

Sammy and 'Mantha must love each other very much, despite the fact that they must have built their relationship around them having the same name. They must love each other because Sammy is a raging alcoholic. He goes all the way to Russia and spends all his time getting drunk on Vodka. He saw absolutely none of the sites, leaving poor 'Mantha to traipse round Moscow on her own. Lynne knows this would happen by the way she asked her second question. But let's give Sammy his dues. He earns enough to take him and his wife to Russia in the late 70s.

Sammy is so drunk now that he's saying 'Cheers' to no one. Maybe he's just happy because he has on his favourite Spiderman slippers.

Monday, May 4, 2009


Lynne is spending time round a friend's house. This friend (a woman) has recently married a man known as Dodgy Dave. During a leisurely dip, the police come round and arrest the woman for an unknown crime. Lynne makes a joke out of it, even though she is now alone in the house of a gangster.

Now it's just them but this is the first time she has ever seen this house, which leads me to believe that she's not very good friends with this woman. The woman may have had her recent wedding abroad, as perhaps Dodgy Dave is on the run. It appears that the only reason Dodgy Dave has married this woman is to put a lot of his criminal activity in her name. You'd think that with a name like Dodgy Dave, this woman may have had her suspicions, but she was obviously so enamoured with her new found wealth that it blinded her judgement. Lynne doesn't seem at all perturbed by this incident, which leads me to believe she was only using the friend for a free swim, and probably saw it coming a long way off. Lynne is making less of a joke here but more of a simple observation. George would be proud.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Lynne is ruining all the flowers in what looks like her utility room (a place where people in the 70s and 80s kept their washing machines and tumble dryers) in a low cut top. She has been at home alone all day because she doesn't work and none of her equally busty friends are around. George is very late home from work because he has been having an affair. Lynne is upset the George is so late and feels a bit blue and ruins some more flowers. George brings Lynne flowers because he knows she is shallow and won't ask any questions if he brings her a gift. He also knows that when she is alone she will most probably ruin some flowers. This has undoubtedly happened before. There also seems to be a great deal of marijuana plants in their utility room. 

Friday, May 1, 2009


George and Lynne have a friend called Carol. Carol has only recently moved to the neighbourhood as George knows nothing about her. Either that or George has no interest in any of Lynne's friends. Lynne insinuates that Carol's nameless husband is gay. George tries some one-up-manship on Lynne's usually awful jokes by making a pun out of the word perfect and the word purr, which is the sound a cat makes when it is happy. It seems that the gay husband of Carol doesn't say anything because he doesn't want anyone to know he is gay, or he is living in denial. Either way, Carol is his beard and they have a nice life.

I wonder how many cats Carol actually has and if the sheer number of them has ever got out of hand.


George and Lynne live in the mid to late seventies. They are married but they have no children. They live a quiet suburban life in a nice house with a garden, something they can probably afford due to not having any children. They appear to have a healthy sex life. We don't know their surname but I'm betting it's Johnson.

This is Lynne:

Lynne is a housewife. She usually spends most days running errands and sunbathing. Sometimes she will meet up with her other housewife friends in a park or a cafe. Lynne has no problem with nudity which is the norm for the time. Lynne loves her husband very much but sometimes teases him in a way married couples do.

This is George:

George is the only breadwinner in the family (of two) but we don't know what he does. Even though it is the seventies he keeps his hair short be cause he is sensible and he is receding. George appears to love his wife very much although she tells the most appalling jokes. He may be still with her because she has an incredible body, even though he could find someone far more intelligent. He may have had an affair in his time.

This site will attempt to dissect each George and Lynne episode so you the reader knows what the hell is going on.