Wednesday, March 31, 2010


George and Lynne are standing near a large house. George tells Lynne that Andy from the running club is going out with a woman half his age. He then notices this woman and points her out to Lynne. Lynne sees a man struggling and comments that the woman is half his age and has twice his stamina.

George and Lynne are out for a walk when they come across this large house. It would be safe to assume that this house belongs to Andy from the running club but we do not have all the facts. A logical explanation could be that George and Lynne have been invited to this house for a drinks party, as have Andy and his new girlfriend. Alternatively, Andy and his girlfriend are currently house hunting and have their eye on this large house, whereas George and Lynne are merely gazing in wonder at the large houses in the area.

The fact that Andy is going out with a woman half his age suggests that he has wooed her through his wallet rather than his looks. He looks early 50s which would mean that she is in her mid to late 20s. If she is attracted to his money, and that is very cynical for us to say but quite plausible considering the other pairings that we have seen in the Wimbledon area - it's basically full of floozies and sugar daddies - then it seems that this is his house.

Lynne comments that Andy's girlfriend has twice his stamina. She says this because she looks relatively calm whereas he is lagging behind and struggling to keep up. If we look again we can see that Lynne has her maths all wrong. If he were to have half her stamina he would either be right next to her and out of breath having had to run to keep up with her or lagging behind and out of breath because his walking speed was not as fast as hers. It appears that he is not only lagging behind and out of breath but also running to keep up. This would make him have a quarter of her stamina. What must he be like in the running club when grown men are running?He definitely won't be able to keep up there. It's a wonder George knows who he is. Then again, many people in the running club must ask "Who's that fat man lagging behind?" to which the answer will always be "That's Andy."

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


George and Lynne are at an art gallery. Lynne comments that the gallery itself isn't even finished. George corrects her and tells her that the bricks are actually exhibits. The artist himself arrives, tells them that he is the artist and that he'll have his own gallery one day. Lynne says that she sees he has started building it already.

The art gallery that George and Lynne have gone to is actually called Art Gallery. Many people would think this is a very predictable name for an art gallery but in fact it is possibly the artiest name for an art gallery there could be. Art Gallery has only been around for a short time, which explains why George and Lynne have not been there before. This could however just be the civic hall with a quickly erected gallery for the students of Wimbledon college. Just round the corner are the crafts, and on the ground floor is the cake sale.

The artist has appeared. Although he tells George and Lynne he is the artist, we also know he is an artist because he has fancy beard and wears beads. Finally if there was any confusion that he wasn't an artist of any kind he is wearing a t-shirt that simply says ART. Many people would think that this is a very predictable thing to have on a t-shirt but in fact it is possibly the artiest thing to have on a t-shirt. The gallery is quite empty so the artist is just happy to see someone looking at his work. He has been sitting there waiting for the past 45 minutes as the cake sale has proved far more popular than his paintings.

Lynne seems very bitter here. Instead of admiring the work, she decides to berate the artist just because she doesn't understand the work. If only the artist had explained that his pile of bricks represents the struggle that the working class have in this harsh environment of Thatcher's Britain. It is a powerful piece of work but unfortunately his work is way before its time. He will never get his own gallery and will die in poverty. In the early 21st century his work will be displayed in the Tate Modern to great applause. Lynne will not be there.

Monday, March 29, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne tells 'Mantha that she and George went on a midnight ghost hunt. 'Mantha asks where it was and Lynne tells her it was in the old haunted bed spring factory. She adds that they say it's full of things that go boing in the night.

'Mantha feels uncomfortable on this run because her only running outfit is a pale lilac and she has no earrings in that colour. She has a purple pair but she thought they were a little dark so she has opted for a white pair. She's hoping that if she moves fast, the general public won't recognise her obvious fashion faux pas.

George and Lynne went for a midnight ghost hunt at the old haunted bed spring factory. Although 'Mantha has asked where it was, she must have assumed it was going to be in the old haunted bed spring factory. Does this mean there is more than one commonly known haunted place in the Wimbledon area? The haunted dog track? The old haunted bus stop? Castle Aaaarrgghhh? If there are that many haunted places perhaps 'Mantha has been on one herself and wishes to swap notes with Lynne. Just who was most scared? Lynne uses the phrase 'they say' which suggests that her and George didn't encounter any ghosts. Perhaps Castle Aaaarrgghhh would have been a better option.

There is something far more scary than ghosts here though. Lynne and 'Mantha are so engrossed in their conversation that they have completely lost track of their jogging route. They have ended up jogging down the middle lane of a motorway! The only thing that can save their lives is that if they are running in the same direction as the traffic. If that is the case then all that has happened is that they have caused a tailback. Can they not even hear the honking of horns? If they are running into the traffic, there is likely to be rather a nasty accident. Let's just hope they realise where they are before it's too late.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


George and Sammy are outside the gym. George comments to Sammy that he has seen that their gym membership fees are going up again. Sammy says they should refuse to pay. Once inside they see lots of women. They start working out saying that the gym is worth every penny.

Not only do George and Sammy go to the same gym but they like to coincide their visits to turn them into a social occasion. They prefer to go to the gym in their tracksuits rather than their casual clothes. If they have a strenuous workout, then after their shower they will have to change back into their sweaty gym attire. It could be that today will only be a light workout. However, both George and Sammy are carrying bags, which suggests that they have other clothes and towels in there. This means that they are planning to shower after and then maybe go for a pint to discuss their workout.

Sammy thinks that they should refuse to pay for their gym membership. These days, a refusal of payment would result in an expulsion from the club. Membership cards would be taken away and they wouldn't even be able to get through the doors let alone into the weights room. However, here electronic membership cards have yet to be introduced and George and Sammy would just march through to the changing room, not paying the £2 that is needed. Alternatively, Sammy is suggesting they find a different gym, but that might be further away and require a car ride to get there.

The gym they go to may well be the world's first Fitness First. The company turned the business into a worldwide commodity by putting up their rates every other month thus increasing their revenue. They kept their members by charging attractive women a lesser rate whereas the male members had to pay the increase in rates. The male members were always more than willing to pay the higher fees. It is not known whether they still do this today.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Lynne is on a walk with the rambling club. Another club member tells Lynne that his girlfriend has quit the rambling club. Lynne asks why and the man says it was something she couldn't stand. Lynne offers the reasons of sore feet, blisters and the fact that it is cold and wet. The man says the reason was actually him. Lynne tells him that he does tend to ramble on a bit.

Of what we can see, the rambling club is six people strong on this hike. We have two other couples, Lynne and the man. We do not know if George is also a member of the club or if one of these people is the chairman or organiser. If it is just those six then it appears that Lynne is the leader of the rambling club. She is at the front and she has been told of a member leaving. This is Lynne's hobby whilst George goes fishing.

Lynne is concerned as to why the man's girlfriend has left the club. As chairman she wants to make sure all of her members are happy with the club. She also has to think about the finances of the club. There is no fee to join the club because walking on the paths is free but Lynne likes to collect a kitty so everyone can enjoy a half of lager or bitter at the pub after the walk, or on sunny days Lynne brings along a bottle of sparkling wine for their picnic. Perhaps the man's girlfriend has already paid upfront so Lynne does not have to worry about the money. All the more bubbly for the other members.

Lynne is losing members hand over fist and then she insults the man. You'd think she would want to make sure her remaining members are happy after losing one, but no, she's more than happy to insult them. After this she tells one of the men that his hat looks rubbish and a woman that that her hair looks like a thatched roof. Next week the rambling club will be down to just three members, and the week after that it is just Lynne going for a walk.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are out and about. 'Mantha tells Lynne that as you get older you appreciate the simple things in life. They both look at one man and then him and another man have an accident. Lynne says that the simple things she appreciates are men.

Lynne and 'Mantha are out and about but strangely for them they have not bought anything yet. It could be that this is only the beginning of their outing. However 'Mantha has already taken her overcoat off and has rolled up her left sleeve which suggest they have been out for a while and have worked up some heat. Unless of course 'Mantha has seriously misjudged the weather.

Lynne assumes that the two men are simple because they cannot even look where they are going when two attractive women are around. This is not the case though. The two men are, completely independently of one another, whistling. As we can see from the notes, they are whistling different tunes. However, at that moment both those tunes are exactly in harmony with each other. By pure coincidence these two men have created a perfect whistling mash up of Duran Duran's Is There Something I Should Know and David Bowie's Let's Dance. Unfortunately it only last for 5 seconds as they both fall over.

Monday, March 22, 2010


George is covered in paint. He tells someone on the phone that Lynne is helping him out with the DIY. He then goes on to tell whoever it is that they have run short of a stripper. George sees that Lynne has taken her overalls off and tells the person on the phone that Lynne has the matter covered. Lynne corrects him by saying uncovered.

George has decided to paint the house. By the look of the paint on his dungarees and that in the can, he is painting that room green and red. He has not got to the wall by the window yet as that still has wallpaper on it. Just as George has picked up the paint can to go to another wall, the phone has rung. Luckily George has one of those new fangled cordless phones so he can take the call at the same time as walking to the next wall.

George tells the person on the phone, who is presumably Sammy because whereas Lynne has a number of acquaintances George has only Sammy to call a friend, that they have run short of a stripper. He must mean a wallpaper stripper but this begs the question of what they have been doing up until now. Has George been painting over wallpaper initially but now realises that the wallpaper was coming off so it is a better idea to strip the walls of wallpaper first before? Does this mean that he will now put up lining paper before painting or will he plaster? He'll have to do one of the two if he wants it to look good, so why is he carrying the pot?

George is probably trying to drop a hint to Sammy that although Lynne is helping with what may have previously been Sammy's job, as a favour to a friend, he now actually needs him to bring round his wallpaper stripper so that the job can be done quicker. George and Lynne do have one but it would be so much handier to have two. George, realising he can't do any work in this room until the wallpaper is off, has decided to go to the hall to paint that as Lynne has just finished it. Lynne can get on with the living room while George paints the hall. She has got hot whilst wallpaper stripping so has decided to disrobe.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


George is fishing when a man with a dog comes up and asks him if he is married to a high maintenance wife. George confirms that he is and then the man asks him if he has thought of trading her in for a cheaper model. George says he wouldn't do that because he'd miss the more expensive model's added extras. Lynne is topless.

The man with the dog must have just witnessed an altercation between George and Lynne, perhaps something along the line that George would be catching this evening's supper. Lynne kicked up a fuss and then proceeded to dive into the river. If this had not happened then this man with the dog has got some nerve to start a conversation with that question. It's up there with 'Your wife's a bit ugly' or 'You are pathetic in every way, shape and form.' Perhaps George was having a conversation with the man anyway when Lynne caused a stink. George then rolled his eyes causing the man to ask the question.

It just so happens that this man deals in the illegal trading and trafficking of women. He sees that he could get a lot of money out of Lynne and is willing to trade one of his uglier women for her. He would most likely ship her off to Amsterdam against her will, leaving George with an Eastern European lady who is just happy to sleep on a bed. George would no longer have to worry about his credit card or people looking at his wife. The man with the dog has gauged the situation and decided that George is the sort of man who he could do a deal with, and, if he isn't, won't take too much offence from his proposition.

George has decided against the deal. He believes that Lynne's breasts more than make up for the gifts he has to buy her. During all this time, Lynne has jumped in the river, had a small swim and got out again at the jetty. Saying that, it seems to be only her right hand that is dripping so she may just have put that in the water to check the temperature. After realising it was too cold, she kicked up another almighty fuss. It's no wonder it's cold. Not only is it the Thames but the outside temperature is low as George is wearing a polo neck and jacket. The only reason the man with the dog has his sweater tied around his waist is that he has just had a small run with his dog and has warmed up a bit. Lynne may be complaining but what does she expect. If she didn't spend all of George's money they could go on a more expensive holiday, if only her breasts would allow her.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Lynne is at a bar and asks her friend, Maggie, how her driving test went. Maggie replies that her examiner commended her on reversing out of a tight space. Lynne asks where that was and Maggie replies that it was Mr and Mrs Smith's front garden.

Lynne and Maggie are at a trendy bar called BAR. Lynne is drinking red wine and Maggie is drinking white wine. BAR is not specifically a wine bar, but these women do not think it is very womanly to drink spirits during the day or beer at any time in public spaces. Lynne and Maggie do not want to get too drunk tonight so the wines they have ordered are small measures. We do not know if they will go on to a restaurant, if BAR serves food or if food is on the agenda at all.

Maggie has recently had a driving test. Lynne is probably interested in her friend's news but also she is hoping Maggie finally passes so she doesn't have to drive her home every time they meet for a drink and/or dinner. Maggie doesn't really let on if she passed or not - perhaps this is one of those things she does; being ambiguous in her replies to keep up the tension. Lynne isn't falling for it. She keeps calm and goes along with Maggie's game, just to humour her.

Lynne thinks this is a game but just look at the serious face on Maggie when she tells Lynne where she had to reverse out of. This is not funny in the slightest. Lynne knows it and is so shocked she spills some of her small red wine. Either Maggie is not allowed near Mr and Mrs Smith or Mr and Mrs Smith are feared in the neighbourhood. If it is the former then Maggie is looking at a court date, a large fine and perhaps a prison sentence. How could she have been so foolish? Did she not know the test route went right past Mr and Mrs Smith's house? It may be that she failed the last three tests for speeding past their house. It's a built up area and the limit is 30mph. If it's the latter then she's in even more trouble. It's at this point that Lynne has to calculate just how long Maggie has until they find her. She needs to get out of town and fast. Maybe BAR is at the train station. The scarf she is wearing is certainly that of a traveller. Run and hide Maggie, it's your only choice. She could of course just be really bad at driving and Lynne is astonished at her friend's ineptitude. Lynne, your friend is either a criminal, likely to be dead in a week or plain stupid - lose her.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Lynne has found a note from George saying he has gone fishing and complains to herself that he won't come home with anything. Later, George finds a note from Lynne saying she has gone shopping and complains to himself that she will come home with everything.

George and Lynne are quite impersonal to each other. In this age before mobile phones, the lack of detail and sentiment in these notes is very noticeable. George's note says that he has gone fishing. We must assume that he had not previously planned to go as Lynne would have known about it. He must have decided this either when Lynne was in the shower or when Lynne has been out. His ambiguous note may be a passive-aggressive response to an altercation with Lynne where she has gone out without telling George, let alone giving him the full details. Two can play at that game thought George.

Lynne had gone out to buy rubber gloves, we know that now, and had to put them on to fish a £1 note out of a puddle she dropped on the way home. As you can imagine, she is in a foul mood after this incident and George's note has not helped. She does not know when he went out, which part of the canal he has gone to or when he'll be back. To be honest, she doesn't even know if it's him that has gone out. Not even a G nor a small x.

George and Lynne may not be very forthcoming with their details this time round, but they have been together so long that they both have the same handwriting. Whether it is an amalgamation of their original handwriting, or one has started to write like the other we do not know, but there's no difference between those n and h formations. One alternative explanation is that Lynne actually wrote both these notes. She was originally telling George that she was going fishing for £1 notes in puddles, hence the rubber gloves, but neglected to write the 'for £1 notes' on her note. Coincidentally, George has actually gone fishing and Lynne has read her original note through squinted eyes, thus not realising it was hers. In her rage, she has gone shopping. Luckily for George, she is only going to spend the £1 note she found in a puddle so she won't come back with everything, only one pound's worth.

Monday, March 15, 2010


George and Lynne are at a cricket match. Lynne reminds George that they met at a cricket match. George says he couldn't forget it and goes on to explain that he was chasing a ball to fine leg but he ended up chasing a fine pair of legs instead, which belonged to Lynne.

Whoever decided on the seating layout for this match is liable for the inevitable injuries that will be sustained. The cricket match is going on in the background but it is at the wrong angle for maximum crowd safety. Any onside drive by the batsman is going to end up in the crowd. In fact, the square leg umpire is likely to be in the crowd at the moment. That's the place to hit a shot if you want to get a four in this match. And the crowd aren't even looking at the game; a lofted shot to mid wicket may be catching someone square in the head.

George's position for his cricket match was fine leg. This is likely to put George as perhaps a bowler rather than a batsman. George was a fine wrist spinner in his time, but an increasing workload and a minor hip injury pulled his plans of playing at county level. A shame. George's best figures were 4-33 and 45 n.o. Not bad for the village scene.

Of course George was ostracized from his village cricket team after said leg chasing incident. The wicket had become perfect for a wrist spinner like him and he was about to finish off the tail-enders. However, instead of a famous victory, George went off with a busty blonde and his opponents made an impressive 9th wicket stand of 39, thus winning the game. George was never formally sacked from the team but in the coming games he was so seldom used with both ball and bat that he felt that he could no longer be a part of the team and at the end of the season decided to find another team. He had one average season with the Richmond Men's Club but never truly recovered. It was then that his property law career took off and then one day he turned badly and injured his hip. He would publicly blame this injury for his early retirement but really it was all down to that game where he met Lynne. So in short, Lynne ruined George's cricket career.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Lynne is at the gym. She tells an unnamed friend that she is lucky because George still has most of his hair. The woman says that she has had three husbands who all lost their hair. Lynne tells her that it might be a case of hair today, gone tomorrow.

At T-Fit, there are only two exercise bikes so people waiting for them to be free have to linger around looking uninterested. As soon as someone finishes there is a mad rush as people scrap to get to the vacated equipment. This usually ends with things being thrown. The woman in the black leotard is a victim of this last scramble as she has had tippex thrown on her top. The person responsible must be either Lynne or her friend. No one says anything about it as this is club rules.

Lynne is having a laugh if she believes that George still has most of his hair. His barnet is a classic case of a receding hairline which will then develop into male pattern baldness. The only thing that is in his favour is that he seems to have had the same head of hair for a while now so perhaps the rate of hairloss has itself receded. However George is probably in his early to mid 30s so there could still be some hairloss still to come and he could show some baldness in his crown area in 3-5 years. If he has had the same amount of hair for the last 8-10 years then Lynne could be correct, although a better statement would be that George still has most of the hair he had ten years ago.

The woman looks annoyed when she tells Lynne that all of her husbands lost their hair, but smiles at the end. This smirk is not a reaction to Lynne's poor joke. No, it is more a realisation that her ex-husbands were nasty men who took the anger of their premature balding out on their wife, in this case, this woman. She had a torrid time with all three husbands and has now vowed never to marry a balding man again. Luckily she was awarded handsome settlements in the divorces. With so much money, it's a wonder she still works out at T-Fit, but she signed for a year's membership and thinks it would be rude to join another gym before her membership expires.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Lynne is having a massage. The masseuse asks Lynne to confirm that she simply asked Larry the lawyer how his family was. Lynne does confirm this and adds that he spent two hours telling her and then handed her a bill for £400.

This is no ordinary massage parlour. With all the equipment, Lynne must be at a physiotherapist of some kind. The woman is wearing what look like OR scrubs. Does this mean that that Lynne is being prepped for an operation? She has been going to the doctor a lot recently so perhaps the most recent doctor has seen something that needs to be operated on. The nurse or surgeon seems to be prodding around Lynne's liver or kidneys and Lynne looks to be in pain. This could be a serious operation.

If the operation is so serious, why is the woman having a normal chat with her? This woman must be an anaesthetist and is trying to relax Lynne as the anaesthetic kicks in. It's an alternative to counting back from 10 but she feels this method really does relax the patients.

Initially we thought that Lynne was here to have liver or kidneys operated on. However on closer inspection this is probably the most complicated operation that has ever taken place in this hospital. It appears Lynne does not have any legs, or at least none below the knee. Has Lynne always been like this? How did she lose them? Whatever the story, she has found a surgeon who can finally do a full leg transplant on her. The woman doctor is finding the right tendons and muscles so the new legs can be attached. It's a ten hour operation and everyone is incredibly nervous but Dr Campbell is the world's leading limb transplant specialist. Good luck Dr Campbell.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


George and Lynne are at the theatre. Near the stage, a man in complaining that he paid for the best seat in the house and he hasn't got it. An usher apologises and promises to find him another seat. The man sees Lynne and changes his mind, now thinking he does have the best seat in the house after all.

The man in the background is not happy with his seat. To be fair, if he has indeed specifically asked for the best seat in the house he should expect a box of some kind. Instead he has been given a seat in the front row. Some people may believe this to be the best seat but other people prefer a more panoramic view of the stage. The man is taken all the way to the front of the stage before he realises the seat he is being offered to is not in fact the one he wanted. He probably thought he was going to be led through a side door to the Royal Box.

The usher is extremely apologetic and does in fact promise to find the man another seat. Is the Royal Box available? Could it be that a young Princess Di is attending tonight's performance? Is this in fact the Royal Variety Performance 1983 where the audience will be subjected to such acts as The Roly Polys, The Rock Steady Crew and Bonnie Langford? If it is then it is foolish for this man to think that he would be allowed to have the best seat in the house. Even if it is for charity, it's not that easy to be able to sit next to the Queen.

At the end the man believes his original seat to be the best seat in the house after all because he now has a good view of Lynne's cleavage. However he is now behind George and Lynne, which means that the seat in the front row was not his original seat after all. It now seems that after he was told he wasn't allowed in the Royal Box he was shown a selection of seats, the second of which was the front row, to which he said "But I paid for the best seat in the house" to all of them. The first seat he was shown is the one behind George and Lynne and now they have sat down he realises that this initial option was in fact the best. It's now clear that staring at Lynne's chest counts as far better entertainment than Wayne Sleep or the British Amateur Gymanastics Team.

Monday, March 8, 2010


George and Lynne are in line at the airport. The woman behind the counter asks Lynne if there is a problem. Lynne replies that it is ridiculous that the airline charges for bigger boobs. George says that it may only be for flights to Brazil.

George and Lynne are at an airport. The line they are in at the moment appears to be for the complaints counter as the lady behind the counter, who appears to be from the war, asks Lynne what the problem is. This is this lady's usual first line to anyone who comes to make a complaint. It is a thankless job but she has tried to reduce the stress levels with the addition of a plant.

Lynne tells the woman that another woman has told her that the airline she wishes to travel on charges extra for bigger boobs. Is this really the case? How can this airline get away with such discrimination? Possibly Lynne has misunderstood and you can pay extra if you would like a stewardess who has an ample bosom, but still this is very unprofessional. If Lynne really has got her information correct, for what reason would this airline be charging extra? Are the seats very close together? Would they have to fit a different drop down tray for those ladies with large breasts? This airline needs to reconsider its policies if it wishes to make itself a market leader.

George thinks that they might only add this surcharge for flights to Brazil. George has emphasised the syllable Bra in Brazil to show that it has something to do with boobs. However, by emphasising the syllable of Bra he has now mispronounced the word Brazil, thus making him look either ill-educated or very pompous for pronouncing it like that. His joke has backfired and now everyone is looking at him quizzically wondering what his reasoning is for suspecting the surcharge is only for those wishing to travel to South America. Does this mean also that George and Lynne are going to Brazil for their holiday? Lynne is certainly dressed for sunnier climes but her lack of hand luggage shows that she is also ill-equipped for such a long haul flight. What with the extra money she'll have to pay, there maybe not enough cash left for the bar; the only way she'll get through this long haul flight without something to read.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Lynne is cooking for 'Mantha. She then tells 'Mantha that Nancy met the man of her dreams when she ordered a takeaway. 'Mantha marvels at the fortune of Nancy but Lynne sets her straight when she tells her that this man was married with six children.

This friend Nancy must have pretty low standards if the man of her dreams is a takeaway delivery man. Do prospects not come into it when thinking about dream partners? We do not know what this delivery man looked like but if his job is a delivery man then it seems Nancy needs to set her targets a little higher. She may just have been happy that the pizza place just delivered something, regardless of the topping.

After all that she didn't even get a whole pizza as Lynne tells 'Mantha she only got a slice. It now all fits together. The delivery man does actually have quite an interesting day job, perhaps artist or musician, but as it doesn't pay well and he has so many mouths to feed at home he has had to take on a second job of pizza man to pay the bills. He is so destitute that he had to eat all but one slice of the pizza he was delivering to Nancy on the way over. To recompense her, he has agreed to go out with Nancy, but only when it fits around his busy schedule of having two jobs, a wife and six children.

How nice it is for Lynne to cook for 'Mantha. It's not every day that a friend will cook for you. However 'Mantha may be getting a little more than she bargained for as by the end we can see that Lynne is topless underneath that apron. Of course there is a logical explanation. Lynne and 'Mantha have been sunbathing and Lynne unfortunately has got badly sunburnt on her back, as we can see, so it is quite painful for her to put her top back on. She asks politely if 'Mantha minds if she just puts an apron on while the aftersun lotion does its work. 'Mantha is fine with that.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


George and Lynne are at a bonfire. An unnamed woman tells them that she has lost her husband. Lynne asks her when she last saw him, to which the woman replies that he went to find a hot toddy to warm himself up. All three see the husband kissing another woman and George remarks that he has found himself a hot totty to warm himself up.

It is a cold evening and the fire is raging. We can only assume that George and Lynne have gone to a fireworks evening. Who holds a fireworks evening at this time of year? The people of Wimbledon must have been celebrating the end of February for some reason. This must 1984 and the council were hoping for a lot of women to be proposing to their boyfriends but it's more likely the celebration was to mark the 50th anniversary of the Reichstag fire.

Both George and Lynne are wearing scarves to protect themselves from the cold but this woman is only wearing a top and relatively thin jacket. To add to that she hasn't even done her coat up. She must have been standing very near the fire recently to be that warm. It is likely that her and her husband have had an argument about how best to keep warm. She insisted that standing near the fire was best whereas he thought a hot drink would be better. This may have been a ruse however.

This man has some nerve. He is openly kissing a woman who isn't his wife in a public place. Has he been having an affair with this woman or is this romantic clinch purely based on a mutual love of hot alcohol? Granted, this new woman is far more attractive than his wife but that is no reason to kiss her. Does he do this a lot? Is it socially acceptable to kiss another woman as long as she is more attractive than your wife? What we don't know is that the husband and wife may have a pact that they are each allowed to kiss one other person during their marriage. The husband has taken this opportunity to do it now. Watch out George, that lady could be making a lunge for you any second.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Lynne is out jogging with her friend Alice. She asks Alice to confirm to her that her personal trainer promised her to get her fit for last week's mini marathon. Alice does confirm this and adds that if he didn't he swore he'd carry her round the course. Lynne decides this is the reason why he is off work now with a bad back.

Alice is a lady we've met before and she is constantly looking to lose weight. This current regime has involved training for a mini marathon, which was last week. Even though it has been and gone, Alice is determined to lose weight so has decided to continue with her jogging regime and asked Lynne to join her. He jogging route takes her into town past a woman's shop presumably so she can window shop whilst losing weight.

Alice is visibly sweating now which shows that she is indeed not fit. Having looked at her physique and age, her personal trainer may have been a little foolish with his oath. Just how long has he been her personal trainer? It seems that he is new to her and thought his previous track record would be good enough to whip Alice into shape. There could be an explanation that he has been Alice's personal trainer for a while now and he was at the end of his tether and made a wild promise to try and spur Alice into action.

Lynne has made an assumption that the personal trainer is off work with a bad back due to carrying Alice around the course. We do not know if this is the real reason and neither does Lynne. It is likely that Alice's personal trainer is also Lynne's personal trainer, hence why they have to run together today. Alice looks a little shocked at Lynne and is now fuming at what she has just heard. Alice will undoubtedly turn to Lynne and say 'No actually he did it lifting a wardrobe. I did the mini marathon and ran the 3 miles in 30 minutes actually, so bugger off.' Alice will calm down later but the friendship may be in tatters. If only she simply produced her certificate for finishing. You would think that she would carry it around because she is so proud of her achievements.

Monday, March 1, 2010


George and Sammy are fishing. George tells Sammy that Old Ned once caught a mine while out fishing. Sammy is a little bit shocked and asks what he did. George tells him that he said 'Yours not mine I believe' to the bloke next to him.

George is recounting a story involving Old Ned to Sammy. It has come to his mind because it involves fishing, which is what George and Sammy are doing. It is either not a very good story because George hasn't told Sammy sooner or George has only recently heard about it. It might be that he heard it a week or so ago but decided to hold on to it until his and Sammy's pre-planned fishing trip, thinking it would be an excellent situation to bring up Old Ned's story as it might not have the desired effect if he told it in the pub.

Sammy is shocked by the first part of the story. He could either be shocked because he is concerned for the well-being of Old Ned or he is worried that Old Ned was fishing near to where they are now and he is concerned for his own well-being. Is it likely that a mine would be caught up river in South West London? It could be that this mine was left over from World War II which means it may be ineffective by this time as a Stonefish mine has a life of about 20 years. Unless this mine was laid in the late 60s, then Sammy is safe.

After George delivers the killer line in his story, both he and Sammy smirk. Sammy could be smiling because that sounds exactly like something Old Ned would say. However, Sammy could be smiling because he now realises that George's story was merely the means to a punchline. If that is the case, how does Old Ned feel about being used as a pawn for George's amusement? There is of course an argument that there is never an Old Ned and this is just the name George uses in stories when he's trying out a new joke. Sammy was playing along all the time. In fact these fishing trips are a constant back and forth of 'Old Ned' jokes. You really have to be there.