Thursday, July 21, 2011


George and Lynne are on a pedalo. A woman on a nearby pedalo says that she and Antonio got married on the spur of the moment while on holiday in Las Vegas. Lynne asks if her that was a bit of a gamble.

George and Lynne are stuck out in the sea. The pedalo they hired was faulty as the pedals face the wrong way. George has been pedalling but they just keep going round in circles.

Antonio has gone out to get George and Lynne and bring them back to the beach. Both the woman and Antonio run the pedalo stall. As they are newly married, the woman is still very excited and likes to tell her customers about her wedding. Antonio just keeps quiet.

After they get back to the beach, an argument ensues about the refund George thinks he is entitled to. It is awkward because at the same time Lynne is making dinner arrangements with the woman. George and Antonio come to an agreement but it isn't pleasant. The dinner is a very uncomfortable affair.


And that, my friends, is it. After 2 and a bit years and 444 explanations, I am calling time on my George and Lynne based endeavours. The site will stay up so you can read forever more, or until a new, more powerful internet is invented that will no doubt destroy us all.

Thank you for all your visits and comments. I do it all for you (and me).


Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne tells 'Mantha that Kelly-Ann has no visible means of support. 'Mantha asks if that means she doesn't work. Lynne says it means she doesn't wear a bra.

After the mirror incident, Lynne is upping her fitness regime and has dragged 'Mantha along for the ride. Lynne is still self conscious about her figure so she gone for the t-shirt rather than wearing a clingy vest. 'Mantha has done the same because her earrings match her top.

Kelly-Ann's dress really is skin-tight. It forms perfectly around her breasts which are massive. It is unclear whether Lynne and 'Mantha are looking at Kelly-Ann with disgust or respect. 'Mantha's face shows fear. She knows that without a bra, Kelly-Ann's assets will droop into later life, leaving her with a saggy bosom.

Kelly-Ann does work. She is the new secretary for Mr Valentino.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


George and Lynne are paintballing. Lynne tells George that Minnie held a paintballing party in her house for her kids. George thinks that was a bad idea. Lynne continues her story by saying that by the end, every wall of her house was covered in paint but it is one way of redecorating your house for free.

Paintballing is usually a group activity but George and Lynne decided to hire out the entire complex for themselves, presumably at a massive cost. Either that or they have broken away from the main group to release some tension from their relationship.

Whoever loaded the paintball guns has made a bit of an error. Lynne has been firing yellow pellets but at the end she fires a red pellet at George. He is 'killed' in the game but when he goes back to base, the person keeping score will ask who from the red team shot their own member.

The same person who loaded Lynne's gun is probably responsible for letting a children's party use the guns indoors. Lynne is not right. It is not a good way of redecorating your house for free. For starters it wouldn't be free as paintballing is quite expensive. Secondly, unless you want your house covered with yellow and red splodges, your house will look an absolute tip.

Monday, July 18, 2011


George and Lynne are at home. Lynne is looking at herself in the mirror and asks George if she's losing her figure. George says that it isn't the case, it's just that some mirrors are more flattering than others. Lynne understands and says that their mirror is just plain rude.

One of Lynne's biggest fears is losing her figure. She relies on it almost everyday from getting out of parking tickets to diverting attention when she is shoplifting (probably). This is one of the reasons why she has never had children, nor never wants to. Also she can't stand kids.

George is being kind to Lynne. He is right, it is a bad mirror which has warped over time, thus giving the impression that Lynne is portlier than she actually is. It's not Hall of Mirrors warped, but enough to give the wrong impression.

George had dug himself into a little hole. Lynne will now demand that every mirror in the house is replaced immediately with flattering ones. George now has to buy new full length mirrors, not cheap, and make sure that Lynne looks good in them to prevent another hissy fit. Living with Lynne is like living with a spoilt child and is the reason George doesn't want kids.

Friday, July 15, 2011


George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that Ruthie is looking for a long running affair. George asks if that will be with a married man. Lynne replies that it won't, it will be with a marathon man. Ruthie chases a runner who is frightened.

It is a cold yet sunny day and the residents of Wimbledon are out in force to watch the local marathon. It is unlikely this is a full marathon, maybe just a half-marathon. Still, it has proved to be a popular event so there may be another one next year.

George is suspicious about what Lynne has said. He is wondering why Lynne would bring this up. George thinks that Lynne is about to suggest they sleep with other people. George does not want this, especially not with Ruthie who he has heard is a bit of a terror.

Ruthie is a terror. She is the sort of person who thinks it's fun to wear a top with your name blazoned across it. Either that or the only clean clothes she had were ones from a hen party. She is chasing a man who is running in the marathon. He is scared but it gets him into first place so he should at least buy Ruthie dinner. Ruthie will suggest chicken in a basket and vodka shots.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


George and Lynne are getting amorous. A voice from the television says that the search is continuing for snooker player Pete Potter. It continues to say that Potter's in the frame for a crime but police haven't a cue where he is. George and Lynne look shocked.

George and Lynne have decided to do the deed on the sofa tonight. The late film has got them in the mood but the news in the middle of the film has come one. The shocking story of Pete Potter has been gripping the nation. Potter's wife and brother were found murdered at his home and he has not been seen since.

The police say they just want to eliminate him from their enquiries but let's face it, he did it. Unless he gets Johnny Cochran and Robert Shapiro to defend him, Potter is going down for a long time. George and Lynne stop kissing because they, like the country, are fascinated by the story. It is unfortunate that the news reader uses the word 'cue' instead of 'clue'. This was a mistake. The writer of the autocue should have used words which were less easy to mispronounce, such as 'police have still yet to locate his whereabouts.'

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


George and Lynne are in a shop. George asks the shopkeeper for a you-know-what, a thingumabob that goes on a whatchamacallit. The shopkeeper gives him what he's after. Lynne marvels at this exchange and says that men speak a language only they understand.

It's good to see the shopkeeper is wearing an apron. These are the good old days when all shopkeepers wore either an apron or a brown coat. Whatever shop you work in, there is always a chance of a spillage.

George knows what he wants but doesn't know the name of it. He's so flustered that he can hardly get the words out. He is worried about looking like an amateur in front of both his wife and the shopkeeper. Luckily the shopkeeper knows what he wants. It's a home pregnancy test.

Monday, July 11, 2011


George and Lynne are at home. George presents Lynne with a gift of new earrings. Lynne says they are the perfect pair for her. She bends over and George says they are the perfect pair for him.

George has surprised Lynne with a nice gift how very thoughtful of him. He has been rewarded with a look down her top. It would have been easier to drop his keys and ask her to pick them up.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


George and Lynne are going ice skating. Lynne points out Kelly to George and tells him she's just broken up with Dan. She adds that Kelly reckons skating is a good way of meeting a new partner. George adds that it's a good way of breaking the ice.

Either the council have iced the park or it's very cold in Wimbledon and the pond has frozen over. Whatever has happened, George and Lynne are taking advantage and are going ice skating.

Kelly was the woman who was dating the cycling club's secretary, who must have been Dan. Their relationship didn't last very long, but after a string of unsuccessful relationships, Kelly has decided that wallowing in self pity is a pointless waste of time and she needs to get out there.

She seems to have found a nice looking man with well coiffed hair and a Don Johnson jacket, although she does look a little shocked at his advances. Maybe she has been kidding herself that she is over Dan.

The man duly reveals his true self. He takes no time at all the grab hold of Kelly. His over exuberance however leads to his hair becoming displaced, revealing a high forehead. He is in fact a balding sex pest. It's a wonder George and Lynne don't step in. They think it's young love. It isn't, it's sexual assault.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that the local football club's manager gave each player a rocket after a defeat last Saturday. George says that it's about time he got tough with that bunch of losers. Lynne reveals that he wasn't tough and also gave them a sparkler each too.

It must be bonfire night in Wimbledon. Wimbledon FC, as they were in the 80s, are not doing very well according to George and Lynne. In fact, they were on their ascent to Division One and their amazing FA Cup win. George and Lynne are either being sarcastic or have got so used to their club winning that any loss is met with boos from the terraces. Ironic boos. Dave Bassett is doing a fine job.

So good are Wimbledon, soon to be promoted from Division 3, that manager Dave Bassett has organised a fireworks display for them and the local community. It is being held near Plough Lane and all the team will be letting off a firework each. Everyone's having a great time.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George he's been on the computer for hours and asks him what is more important, his work or his wife. George immediately responds that his work is. Then, upon seeing Lynne disrobe, changes his mind and says his wife is more important.

Lynne is right, George has been on the computer for hours. He can't understand it. He presses the keys but nothing comes on the screen. This is because he has the monitor not only not switched on, but also the wrong way round. He'll never finish those reports. Oh why can't he go back to using his precious ledgers, so neatly stacked on his desk.

If he doesn't finish the reports, his boss will have his guts for garters. Then he will be fired and therefore not be able to support his wife. So in this way, his work is more important. He then realises he can tell his boss the computer didn't work. No one will know that nothing was wrong with it as they all couldn't work the computers. The boss will be irritated but concedes that he will have to send his staff on a computer training course.

Monday, July 4, 2011


George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George that she'll be gone for about an hour. George asks if there's anything she'd like done while she's out. Lynne suggests he could hang a picture and George asks where. Lynne tells him the nails are in the garage, the hammer is in the garden shed and the first aid box is in the bathroom.

Lynne is going out somewhere and thoughtfully tells George, who looks like he has just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap. In his daze, he foolishly asks Lynne if she needs anything done, cursing himself that he didn't wake for another five minutes. Then he would find a note from Lynne which he could feign ignorance about upon her return.

Lynne has a raunchy lithograph she needs hanging. She bought it at an antiques fair and thinks it should be displayed in their home. This is the first George has seen of it and is at a loss as to where Lynne would like it placed.

Lynne, misunderstanding George's question, tells him where everything he needs is, rather than where she wants the picture hanging. George knows where the nails and hammer are, they are his tools. He will now be irritated that they are not together in his tool kit, where he left them. George decides, after a little think, to hang the picture in the downstairs loo.