Tuesday, August 31, 2010


George and Lynne are at the cinema. Lynne tells George that she's heard that this film is really scary. George says that he expects there to be lots of weird noises. Lynne asks what sort of noises and George replies popcorn munching, sweet unwrapping and drink slurping as he looks at an offending group.

George and Lynne have been known to frequent the 'pictures' in their time so this particular outing is of no surprise. From Lynne's comment, it can be assumed that this is a horror film and could be Christine or The Dead Zone. With these two films being based on Stephen King books, Lynne must know that they're of the horror genre. It can't be Jaws 3-D as no one is wearing their 3-D glasses, and if Lynne ever thought Psycho II or Twilight Zone : The Movie would be anything but scary then she needs to do a bit more research. All of this leads to the conclusion that the film they are about to see is David Cronenburg's Videodrome. Lynne is in for a shock.

George looks at the noisy group with a stern face. He just knows they will ruin the film for him. If we look again though it may actually be that George is jealous. Not only does he yearn for those carefree days when you could annoy someone in the cinema and not care, but also that a man of that age can be having such a good time with two women who are considerably younger than him. He must be a sly one. A man who is clearly in his seventies has snared two women with the offer of a strange film and all the sweets they can eat. Oh how George wishes he was with them, they look like they're having the time of their lives.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


George and Lynne are outside. Lynne has the car bonnet up and is looking at the engine. She asks George what the problem is. George replies that from where he is standing, there isn't one.

George and Lynne have decided to go out for a drive, but the car has not started. For some reason, maybe because she has a good mechanical mind, Lynne has decided to take a look under the bonnet. She realises she's out of her depth and immediately asks George what he thinks. She may know already and just wishes to humour George so he feels involved.

When asked his opinion George says that there isn't a problem. You have to wonder what George is looking at. The car has obviously not started and George thinks there is no problem. It would help if George got a little closer to the engine as he cannot have a good view from all the way back there.

George could actually be telling the truth. This could be a ruse just to see Lynne's knickers. He knows Lynne has been reading car manuals having bought a load at a car boot sale and that she would immediately want to show off her new found knowledge, so he has feigned a bad engine by not actually turning the engine over. George, you old dog!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are in the shower. Lynne tells 'Mantha that when she was here yesterday, the water suddenly went off. She continues to tell her that the maintenance man wasn't able to fix the problem until she'd covered up with a towel.

It seems that Lynne and 'Mantha are showering at the gym. Lynne is now taking her exercise seriously and not only jogs but goes to the gym, apparently on a daily basis. 'Mantha isn't as health conscious and does not work out daily, thus she needs Lynne to fill her in with any news from the gym.

On this occasion of 'Mantha's absence, the water went off. A maintenance man was called and the problem was fixed. What exactly happened is unclear, but from Lynne's anecdote we can piece together the scene:

Lynne was showering and the water went off. Confused and wet, she strolled out to the front desk stark naked and told the receptionist what had happened. Embarrassed, the receptionist sent her back to the changing room to wait for their in-house maintenance man. Lynne sat there in the nude until the man arrived. He continued to stare at her until Lynne put a towel on. He then turned a valve and the water came back on.

Lynne seemed sure the problem would be fixed soon so she decided not to get dressed. Of course, the likely scenario is that she was covered in lather and needed to rinse her body before she could get dressed, and certainly didn't want to get her towel all soapy knowing full well she would need it after completing her shower.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Lynne is out jogging with an unnamed friend. She asks her friend if she had romances with movie crews in Hollywood. Her friend replies that she did, and that she dated a grip, a gaffer and a best boy, but she still doesn't know what any of them did.

This is much safer. After Lynne's problems with dogs, she has not only decided to exercise in a jogging hot spot but has taken a friend along in the unlikely event that the dog comes back.

Lynne's friend has recently been to Hollywood. It is not known what the purpose of her trip was, business or pleasure, but either way it makes her a complete hussy. If she was there for a holiday she managed to sneak onto a film set and have liaisons with three separate members of the crew. If it was business then she is probably earning a reputation of sleeping her way through the crew. Not very professional.

If this woman had actually paid attention to the men she was dating and asked them questions she would know that a grip is responsible for mounting cameras, and possibly lighting, a gaffer is the head of the electrical department and a best boy is an assistant to either one. The order in which these romances happened is unclear, but because of their close proximity on the set, it is likely that it caused ructions, ultimately leading to one of them being fired.

Monday, August 23, 2010


Lynne is out jogging. She notices a dog is chasing her and thinks that dogs are an occupational hazard for joggers. She notices it is getting closer and says so. Finally she kneels down and says that this one has her licked, and the dog licks her.

Poor Lynne. She is jogging and thinks it is actually an occupation. She has so little to do with her days that she believes her mundane daily routines actually constitute work. Later she will complain to George that she had a hard day because 'Mantha wanted to order coffee after lunch.

Initially Lynne just thinks to herself but as the dog gets closer she cannot control herself and has to express herself through speech. She is worried that the dog will attack her and she wishes to warn any passers-by that her mutilation is imminent. Unfortunately for her, she has just turned into a quieter road where no one is around.

Luckily for Lynne, the dog turns out to be rather friendly and just wants to lick her. Through relief, Lynne's regards for personal hygiene are thrown out the window. It may be understandable to let a dog you own to lick you but one you were recently being chased by is a different matter. Especially as this dog seems to have ripped off the sleeve of her t-shirt.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


George and Lynne are at an auction. Lynne says that she knows people sometimes put some of their favourite things up for auction but her husband won't be doing that with her. She then apologises to the men around her.

There is a fine array of lots at the auction but somehow it's hard to believe this is Christies or Sotheby's. For starters, they are unlikely to bring all the items out in one go at a high class auction. No, this is a local auction, perhaps of stolen goods or of those left by a wealthy but ultimately lonely bachelor.

What have George and Lynne got their eye on? The massive purple urn certainly is eye catching, as is the gilded mirror, but it has to be the gramophone that George wants. He is a lover of old music and would dearly like a centre piece for the living room, and also something to play his old jazz 78s on.

George looks very disgruntled. This may be due to Lynne's attention seeking, but it is probably due to the fact that she has broken every rule of etiquette to be stuck to in an auction house. By shouting uncontrollably, she has inadvertently bid on an ivory back scratcher, a lithograph of a map of Wimbledon and first edition of Lady Chatterley's Lover, costing him over £300. If she's not careful, she will be the next lot.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are enjoying a jacuzzi. Lynne tells 'Mantha that apparently Tina once had a brief fling with a tattooist. 'Mantha asks Lynne what she got out of it to which Lynne replies that she got a butterfly, a heart and an "I Love Brad Pitt."

It might be that Lynne and 'Mantha have gone to a health club to enjoy their jacuzzi. However it could also be possible that 'Mantha has invested in a whirlpool bath to ease her woes regarding Sammy. She needs somewhere to relax and take her mind off his alcoholism. In fact, when you get closer to 'Mantha, it looks as though she might be losing a bit of her hair, no doubt through stress.

'Mantha's jacuzzi is really only built for one. She has added to the ambience with a fern and some candles and oils but the fact of the matter is that she and Lynne will have to take it in turns to get the full pleasure of the bath. 'Mantha, being a good sport, has decided to sit on the edge and let Lynne try it out as this is her first time and 'Mantha has been soaking in it for the last week.

Lynne talks of Tina's affair with a tattooist. At the end she talks of the actual tattoos Tina got out of the relationship. There are always perks of a relationship but they differ depending on the profession of the partner. In this case, Tina was lucky to get a discount on tattoos. She opted for a butterfly, heart and an I Love Brad Pitt. These may have all been part of the same design. The boyfriend was happy to do the heart and butterfly in a tasteful design but drew the line at the I Love... part. This rogue Brad Pitt has been making a name for himself about town and he didn't want a girlfriend who still held a torch for him.

Monday, August 16, 2010


George and Lynne are in a rowing boat. Lynne tells George that Steve went shark fishing once. George says that it sounds fun but wonders why he only went once. Lynne tells him he fell overboard.

George and Lynne have decided on an afternoon on the Thames. The weather is good and their boat has moved out of view of the general public so Lynne has taken most of her clothes off. George feels a little more introverted so has decided to keep his clothes on, despite Lynne egging him on. He doesn't think it's right to be so brazen with nudity.

George and Lynne must be going on a fishing trip themselves, otherwise Lynne's piece of information would have no frame of information. However, they seem to have left their fishing tackle in the same place Lynne left her clothes. George may have to try catching pike with his bare hands. At this time he may have to remove his t-shirt to stop it getting wet.

At the end, George turns away from Lynne and pulls a face that implies he his disgusted with Lynne's comment. It may be that he is fed up with falling headfirst into Lynne's attempt at jokes. Looking closely George looks a little worried. He has heard a rustle in the trees and is hoping that a group of perverts are not spying on his wife. Even worse it could be a policeman about to arrest Lynne for lewd behaviour. Even if it is just a bird, George will be on edge for the rest of the day.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Lynne is cooking. She soon realises that the meal is becoming a real disaster. George arrives and Lynne calls for his help. George has already bought fish and chips. Lynne thanks him.

It is Lynne's turn to cook dinner and she has decided to do something special for George. She has spent all day on this meal and it has occupied so much of her time that she has forgotten to put any clothes on – she simply hasn't had the time!

One of the reasons that Lynne's meal is failing is that she has no room to work. What she should have done is do all the washing up before tackling cooking a big meal. Work surfaces should be clean and free from clutter, exactly the opposite of Lynne's kitchen. She has got caught behind some dirty casserole dishes and whilst trying to free herself, her lamb has burned.

George is no mug. He knew full well the state of the kitchen when he left for work this morning. He should do; it was his and Sammy's doing as they tried to drink wine out of every receptacle in the house after they came back from the pub. The one thing he didn't expect is that Lynne would actually cook amongst this mess so he bought fish and chips as a peace offering to Lynne for leaving the house in a state. Lynne is so happy that they will eat this evening that she has completely forgotten about George's drunken late night antics.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


George and Lynne are having dinner. George introduces a man to Lynne. The man says it is a pleasure and calls Lynne a lovely lady. Lynne tells George that she thinks he's a gentleman. George disagrees and tells Lynne that he is known as a real love rat. Lynne asks George whether he loves them and leaves them. George tells her it is worse than that as he loves them and leaves them with the bill.

George and Lynne have picked a restaurant that unfortunately is close to the scene of a major crime. The patrons by the window are bathed in blue light, most likely from a police cars stationed right outside. It is unlikely that the restaurant itself is the crime scene, but it can't be good for business to have all those police cars outside.

George is very two faced with his friend. He is more than happy to introduce him to Lynne but then as soon as his back is turned he starts to bad mouth him. George has his reasons but he may also be taking umbrage to his friend's very small beard. He doesn't trust anyone who works that hard on facial hair. He respects a bushy beard or moustache, like Sammy's.

The man has walked out on his date, leaving her with the bill. These truly are the actions of a rogue. The woman looks utterly perplexed and this will soon turn to anger. Her first thought is to report this to the policemen who are still outside. However, even though the man's actions are far from honourable, they are not illegal. The police will offer their sympathies and, having heard the description of him, will advise her to, in future, keep away from men with tiny beards.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Lynne is on the phone. She tells the person on the line that George has said that they need to economise, which Lynne has agreed to. The person on the line tells Lynne that that shows her which side her bread is buttered on. Lynne says that is neither right now so that they can save money.

After yesterday's shopping trip, Lynne liked 'Mantha's underwear so much that she bought herself the same set. Even though George has told her about their financial worries, once more she has spent money on clothes. Underwear is essential though, so maybe George will let this one go.

Whoever is on phone to Lynne is trying to diplomatic on which side to take. This person is probably friends with both George and Lynne so would not want to upset anyone. Lynne is told that her decision shows which side her bread is buttered on, meaning that Lynne is loyal and respectful to George. Had Lynne disagreed with George, the response would have been the same. This person doesn't care about Lynne's problems as they have their own problems. This person is probably 'Mantha.

What a coincidence that Lynne is actually eating bread at this time. Plain white bread. George's first rule of economising is always that spreads and condiments are surplus to requirements. These weekends away won't pay for themselves if they insist on frittering away their money on such luxuries as butter and ketchup. Out goes the marmite, jam and salad cream. If things get worse, sugar and eggs will be the next to go.

Monday, August 9, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are in their underwear. Lynne tells 'Mantha that George has warned her that she has far too many clothes. 'Mantha asks Lynne how she managed to talk him round to which Lynne replies that she took some off.

Lynne and 'Mantha are in their underwear which means they are getting changed for some reason. There are clothes hanging up so we must assume that they are in a clothes shop. This would explain why 'Mantha is so shocked. She has been told that George has given Lynne an ultimatum about her shopping and here she is trying on new clothes. 'Mantha just has to know how Lynne got out of this one.

'Mantha has today matched her earrings with her underwear. Her outfit may also be blue but it does appear that 'Mantha has foreseen standing in her underwear in front of people so has either decided to go with the blue earrings to match her underwear or decided on the blue underwear because she knew she was going to wear her blue outfit, and therefore the blue earrings. Dressing must be a bind for 'Mantha.

George actually warned Lynne that she was wearing too many clothes because it was an unseasonably warm day. Lynne was about to go out wearing shirt, polo neck, cardigan and jacket. George showed Lynne the weather forecast, which read 21 degrees and sunny. Lynne rightly removed some items and now feels a lot more comfortable than she would have done. She is in the shop to add to her winter wardrobe, which she found this morning was woefully unfashionable.

Friday, August 6, 2010


George and Lynne are walking along the river. Lynne tells George that she heard that Ted and Tina really pushed the boat out for their wedding anniversary. She then adds the unfortunately it sank as they both see a capsized rowing boat.

George and Lynne live by the river. We know this because they have been boating a number of times and their local pub is called the Ferryboat Inn which implies it is in the vicinity of water. Those facts mean it is not peculiar that they would be walking by the river. The only peculiar thing here is George's jumper: a garment we have never seen before.

George has undoubtedly assumed that Lynne has used the phrase 'pushed the boat out' to mean that Ted and Tina spent a lot of money on a day they could remember for a while. Perhaps it was a landmark anniversary for them. She has however meant that they did actually push a boat on to the river for their anniversary. She thought that prefixing the phrase with the word 'really' would lead George to understand that she wasn't talking figuratively. She should have used the word 'literally' to properly convey her message.

We come across a boat sinking. Are we to assume that this is Ted and Tina's boat? The water has got decidedly choppy at this part of the river. It was not the best place for a novice to go rowing. With the boat still sinking, it may mean that Ted and Tina have recently been here. Herein lies the tragedy of the walk; George and Lynne have gone to the place where Ted and Tina drowned to pay their respects. They look surprised as they didn't expect such a vivid reminder of the accident. Then again, they aren't laying down any flowers so their excursion is fuelled more by morbid intrigue than by mourning.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


George and Lynne are in their bedroom. Lynne gets George's attention and then throws a pillow at him for not bringing her tea in bed. George guesses that that is what you call pillow talk.

This must be the morning for George and Lynne. George is brushing his hair and Lynne wants tea; if this was evening it would be a strange ritual. As George is brushing his hair then we can also assume he has had his shower and is just about to get dressed.

Lynne's ire comes from the absence of tea. She is extremely ratty until she has had her morning fix. She throws the pillow with such venom that it causes George to drop his brush. George is lucky that the pillow is the first thing that Lynne could grab. If it was the alarm clock, he could be seriously hurt. To avoid further injuries, George should invest in a teasmaid.

On closer inspection, George is still wearing his pyjama bottoms. Has he even had his shower? Where has been this time? Lynne expected tea so perhaps George has been downstairs. His alibi is the hair brush that he holds, but he'll have to shower before he leaves the house. George has been downstairs making an important phone call that he wants to keep secret from Lynne and, more importantly, us.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne spots Tamsin and says that she's always going topless. The next day Lynne spots Tamsin again and says she is topless as usual. George is surprised that Tamsin would be topless in the high street but she does in fact have the top down in her sports car.

Tamsin is topless in her garden which doesn't seem to bother George and Lynne. She does however seem to be topless in her front garden which is in full view of the general public as George and Lynne have walked right past her. If this is Tamsin's back garden, then George and Lynne may be trespassing her neighbour's garden. The neighbour in question might be a little confused about who to call the police on here.

The next day George and Lynne are wearing exactly the same clothes as the day before. Did they feel that these clothes weren't dirty? If it is warm enough for Tamsin to go topless then you would think that their clothes would have got a little sweaty and dirty as George and Lynne climbed over the fence to get into this person's garden, especially as both George and Lynne are wearing white trousers.

Lynne says that Tamsin is topless in her sports car. This is not technically true. In fact, she has the top down on her sports car; that is, her sports car is topless, not her. George has looked round to see Tamsin topless in her car but will be disappointed. George is also surprised that Tamsin would be topless in the high street but doesn't bat an eyelid that she was topless in the full view of the public in her street. Double standards there George, and for Lynne too for sneering at Tamsin initially. Hypocrites.

Monday, August 2, 2010


George and Lynne are out and about. George says that they will never get across the road. Lynne proclaims that it has turned really warm now and starts to take off her coat. She bends over and tells George to have faith. George thinks that that is one way of traffic control.

George and Lynne are trying to cross a road. From this distance they look like they are on their way to a fancy dress party, the theme being vicars and brides. The road they are trying to cross looks very strange. They have got a third of the way across. The next stage does look busy and then after that there is a large space. If they can just get across this bit they will be plain sailing to finish their journey to the party.

As we get closer, we can see that Lynne is not dressed as a bride but is wearing her underwear under a coat. The party must be themed as vicars and tarts. Lynne didn't want to be embarrassed walking to the party in her underwear so has worn a coat over the top. The tension and stress of being late for the party due to this busy road has caused Lynne to get a bit hot so she takes her coat off, but she has forgotten her initial embarrassment.

George is still dressed as a vicar but is wearing a pink body warmer over the top of his outfit. Meanwhile Lynne has bent over for some reason. She seems to think it will stop the traffic but due to lots of men turning round to look at Lynne she may actually cause an accident. The men in the cars think they can look at Lynne's behind but not only is she covering it with her coat but George is also in the way. This has left a lot of infuriated men looking at a man dressed as a vicar.