Monday, February 28, 2011


George and Lynne are getting ready to go out. Lynne asks George if he thinks the dress she is wearing is suitable for the night. George says that it is not suitable to go out in, but it is perfect for when they come back.

George and Lynne have been invited to another black tie gala. This one is a benefit for cats with leukaemia and George's company have made a substantial donation, forcing him to go and make an appearance.

George insists on tying his own bowtie, so has yet to see Lynne's dress as all his concentration has gone into that tricky business. When he finally sees it, he realises that it is a little risqué for tonight's event.

He does however think it would be suitable for when they come in. George is intending to invite a group back after the gala for adult games. Unfortunately this will never happen as Lynne will now spend the next hour trying on dresses causing them to be late for the gala missing the presentation of the cheque. The patron of the charity will get annoyed with George and a fist fight will ensue. George is then sent home with a black eye and butterflies in his stomach as to what his boss will say to him on Monday morning.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Lynne is out in town. She sees Roger and his new dog and compliments him on it. Roger thanks her and tells her he named the dog after his wife. Lynne asks if the dog is called Roberta. Roger says that she isn't. Lynne learns that the dog is actually called Big Spender after Roger throws a stick for her. Lynne says that Roger's wife sounds like her sort of woman.

Lynne sees Roger as she is looking in a shop window that is selling shoes. Either the shop is called Shoes or this shop has only just started selling shoes and needs to tell its customers so that they don't think that the shoe display has been put there by accident. The grey haired woman is so taken aback that this shop is actually selling shoes that she has gone into some sort of trance.

Lynne knows Roger and that he has a wife called Roberta but that's as far as her knowledge goes. She had no idea that Roberta had expensive tastes but now that she does she thinks she'd like to get to know her better.

Roger has only recently got his dog but the dog is not a puppy, as it looks like a Springer Spaniel. Giving this dog a new name at two or three years old must be very confusing for the dog. It now has to respond to something new. However, if the new name, Big Spender, has the same amount of syllables as the dog's old name and Roger calls it with the same inflections, the dog should still respond.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Lynne is at a nudist camp with her friend Katalina. She asks Katalina if she always takes her clothes off in her movies. Katalina says that she certainly does not and that she only strips off if it's vital for the role she's playing. She adds that otherwise she'll only go nude if the part doesn't call for it.

As part of recuperation, Katalina has decided to take a small holiday to somewhere hot and has brought Lynne along with her. We can't see Katalina's leg but it might be still in plaster. This trip has also given Katalina the chance to get rid of those tan lines.

Katalina is finally owning up to herself that she is now an adult film actress, but she is not ready to tell anyone else. She wants to confide in Lynne but is too embarrassed to tell her outright. Instead she drops hints that she is now taking her clothes off in every film she does. Lynne is so naïve; she is impressed that she is friends with a film actress and wants to know everything. Telling Lynne the truth would kill her, so she decides not to be blunt about it.

Meanwhile, George decides to go for a swim in the sea and is attacked by seagulls who mistake his old chap for a hot dog. The holiday does not end well.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


George and Lynne are at a car showroom. Lynne tells George that she heard Seb took Sue out for a spin in his new toy. George says that she is a lucky girl. Lynne continues to say that Sue had hoped it would be a sexy sports car but it wasn't. We learn it was a plane and Sue didn't like it.

There is a sale on at the car showroom and George is looking for a bargain. He has just received a company bonus for his hard work this past year and he has decided to splash out on a new car. All the cars are brand new and literally sparkling. The red car has caught Lynne's eye, but this is mainly because someone has left the hazard lights on.

George isn't interested in Lynne's story as he knows that Seb is a budding pilot. Seb works with George and spent his bonus, a larger one than George's, on a small aeroplane. He is so good at flying planes that he has no qualms about performing a barrel roll with Sue in the co pilot's seat. Soon after he is called over the radio to stop doing it and is fined by the airfield. He apologises and promises not to do it again. George decides against buying a sports car now and saves his bonus for another day. Not funny, but sensible.

Monday, February 21, 2011


Lynne is getting ready to go out. She says that she always likes to accessorize when she goes out. Once out, a woman hugs a man and says that the only accessory she needs is a hunky boyfriend. Lynne looks angry.

It looks like Lynne is talking to herself but what we don't see is George just out of shot asking her why she's wearing so many belts, necklaces and bangles. Lynne explains this and leaves soon after, leaving George pondering why she has never ever dressed like that in the past.

A strange woman has somehow heard Lynne's previous statement and commented that her only accessory is her boyfriend. He doesn't have anything to say on the matter. Lynne is angry, not because of this woman's comment, she barely hears it, but because she has found herself without her purse. She definitely brought it out so she will now have to retrace her steps, starting with going back to the massive microwave warehouse where she has just come from.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


George and Lynne are at a wedding. Lynne tells George that the bride has arrived. As the bride walks down the aisle she tells her father that wants to talk with Lynne. The bride, whose name is Kay, tells Lynne that she's worried and asks her if she's doing the right thing marrying Kelvin. Lynne tells her she is worried too as the groom's name is Kenny.

It is the wedding season and again George seems to be part of the groomsmen. Lynne is friends with the women that are getting married but as there is such a dearth of good men in the area, the boyfriends of these women get close to George. He doesn't do enough to become Best man, and he's grateful for that, but he is close enough to be an usher at the weddings.

This woman is so worried she is willing delay her own wedding to check her anxiety with Lynne. Why is Lynne so important? Has she become the local agony aunt when it comes to relationship difficulties? It has to be said that her marriage seems to be the only one without any problems so people may see her as some sort of relationship guru. As Kay talks to Lynne the entire church is silent. These churches have very good acoustics so it is likely that they can hear Kay's troubles.

Kenny, or Kelvin as Kay calls him, looks remarkably like George. Could this be George's brother? It would explain why he is a groomsman. Thinking that Kenny is Kelvin is the least of Kay's worries. He is a good man for putting up with her calling him Kelvin all these years. Maybe she talks really fast and he never noticed. Either way, he looks rather upset as she is talking to Lynne when she should be saying her vows.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Lynne is on the phone by a swimming pool. Katalina, who she is on the phone to, tells her that a film director wanted her as the lead in his new movie. Lynne thinks this is great news and suggests that this could be the break that she's been waiting for. We then see Katalina in hospital with her leg in a cast. She says that it is too late as she's already had it.

At Lynne's local swimming pool they have loungers and phones around the side of the pool. This is a high class establishment. They also have state of the art saunas and finger print locks in the changing rooms.

So Katalina is an actress. She is wary of saying the film director's name though, which suggests that either she doesn't think Lynne will recognise the name or he is so bad that she doesn't want anyone to know. Lynne has been keeping up to date with Katalina's career as she thinks it is very glamorous that she has a friend who is an actor, so she knows about directors. It could be that Katalina has resorted to an adult film but is too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Katalina has broken her leg. She is telling people that she did it when she fell off a chair as she was changing a light bulb. This is a lie. Having been given the lead role in this movie, she found out is was an adult feature and told the director she didn't want to do it. He told her she had to or she would face the consequences. The consequences were that a man was sent round to break her leg. She has since agreed to do the film after she heals, but it will be the other leg if she runs out on them again.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


George and Lynne are at a restaurant. The maitre d' tells them that they are busy in the restaurant as there's a large party from the circus in. After sitting down, Lynne tells George that the men at a nearby table are giving her funny looks. George tells her not to worry and they are clowns after all. The clowns are firing water at each other.

With that curtain, it may be that this isn't a restaurant at all but some sort of cabaret club. However that could just be a divider to separate the Wimbledon hoi polloi from the elite. The maitre d' is so busy that he doesn't even have the time to take George and Lynne's coats. It's a good job they booked a table.

Having sat down, George and Lynne still haven't been given a menu or a jug of water. In fact their table is completely bare. The waiters are doing a very quick turn around this evening and thought it would be best to seat George and Lynne before their table was ready because a queue was forming outside.

The circus is in town once again, or Wimbledon has a permanent circus, and they have decided to go for a company meal on this, their night off. For some reason the clowns of the circus have decided to go out dressed in their clown outfits. This is quite disturbing. They can't let up for one evening. Not only are they in full attire but they acting like clowns as well. The restaurant owner should check their credentials. They could be creating a diversion by spraying each other with water and in a moment they will all brandish guns and rob every person in the restaurant. They aren't the clowns from the circus at all but imposters. The next day the actual clowns will be arrested when in fact they were at a different restaurant. They will have no alibi because no one knows what they look like without their make-up. It's the perfect crime.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Lynne has arrived home at nighttime. She apologises for being late but she explains that she was helping Ray practise for his new play. George wants to know what part he is playing and Lynne tells him it is Valentino, the great lover. George then asks Lynne if he's having trouble with his lines. Lynne says that it his kissing technique and it needs a lot of practice.

Night has fallen and Lynne has finally arrived home. Either she has forgotten her key or George has been waiting by the door for her, impatiently tapping his foot and looking at his watch every three minutes. He had laid on a lovely dinner which is now spoiled.

We're pretty sure that Lynne doesn't work with her usual days being spent at the shops. She has therefore bumped into Ray and he has asked her to help him with his lines. Ray had gone into town to clear his head as he kept getting muddled with his rehearsal.

If Ray needs a lot of kissing practice, as Lynne says, there's a possibility he could be a gay man. If this is the case, then George has no need to worry as neither party is getting any pleasure from the rehearsal. George may not know he is gay, as it was still a social taboo in the early 80s. The other explanation is that Ray is a child and has yet to kiss a girl. If this is the case then George should be worried. Lynne is going round the town and selling herself as practice for teenagers.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


George and Lynne are at a wedding. George arrives late and Lynne tells him to be quick as the bride will arrive any moment. Once inside Lynne says she loves weddings because they are such happy occasions. Lynne cries.

George is cutting it very fine. People are milling about outside the church because it is a nice day but they have been told by the ushers to go inside as they have heard that the bride is on her way. George hasn't even got time to park the car so just parks it on the lawn outside the church. It will be fine there.

Lynne loves wedding and cries tears of joy at the occasion as does another woman behind her. George is also welling up a bit. His face may be showing embarrassment though as he is wearing a carnation which is usually only reserved for ushers and the best man. This means that he was late for his friend's wedding. It might be because it was his job to calm the bride down and make sure she arrived at the church. If that is the case then he has had to keep that secret from everyone else. Even Lynne didn't know. George, you are a true friend.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Lynne is camping with Katalina. Whilst putting up their tent, Lynne asks her if she camped out when she lived in Hollywood. Katalina replies that she slept under the stars fairly regularly. Lynne says she wasn't talking about her love life.

Lynne has now caught the camping bug and is off with a friend, leaving George at home. It seems this friend, Katalina, has spent some time in Hollywood. This must be the same Katalina who went to Italy so perhaps she is an actress of some sort and has tried to make it in America. She can't be that well known though as she would be mobbed at the camp site.

Lynne mistakes Katalina's comment for a euphemism for the amount of famous men she has been with. If Katalina had her druthers she should strike Lynne for insinuating that she is a jezebel. However Katalina smiles which suggests that she does live up to her reputation. This may be her way of getting ahead in what is a cruel industry. We shall wait and see if it is the correct choice.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


George has gone into a shop to complain about a very expensive firework he was sold which didn't go off. The shop assistant says that makes it a 'firenotwork'.

George is apoplectic. He spent upwards of fifteen pounds on an elaborate Catherine Wheel but it failed to work. Not only that, it was meant to be the piece-de-resistance of his fireworks display and made him look like a bit of a lemon. The were hushed voices afterwards.

This woman is not the manager of the shop. She is only working there for extra money as she tries to become an actor or a singer. If the manager of the shop, which sells novelty items and fireworks, heard her quip she would be fired on the spot. George's anger has turned into confusion as to how anyone could be so stupid.

In the end, George's money is not refunded because he threw the firework at the wall in anger rather than returning it with a receipt. It was his own fault, but he won't be buying his fireworks from there any more.

Monday, February 7, 2011


George and Lynne are in the garden. Lynne is on the phone to an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that her boyfriend seems to find her boring as he is always falling asleep when she talks. Lynne asks her what the answer to that problem is and the lady replies that it is to keep quiet when he's driving as he's crashed his car.

George's new year's resolution of tidying the garden is in full effect here. He's taken his top off and invested in some durable gardening gloves to deal with those prickly weeds. He does however look perplexed by those secateurs.

This woman's boyfriend is going to some lengths to avoid talking to her. He has been pretending to fall asleep in all manner of places including restaurants and in shopping centres. You'd think he would just break up with her if he found her that boring.

Now he's gone a step too far. He's pretended to fall asleep whilst driving and completely written off his car. He now has to lie to the police that he has narcolepsy. Of course they'll need some sort of doctor's note to believe him so he'll have to lie to a doctor too. This is only going to end one way - jail.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


George and Lynne are at the gym. Lynne tells George that the divorce is a weight off Ingrid's mind. George asks Lynne if she was married to a sportsman. Lynne changes her statement to say that it is a weight lifter off her mind.

The gym is very crowded today. The people in white are the personal trainers who all wear the same outfit so the patrons can easily find them if they need help with an exercise bike. The one in the foreground has a clipboard to make him look important.

It seems Ingrid has just finalised a gritty divorce from her weightlifter husband. He may have been having an affair with a barmaid, but that rumour is unfounded. If he is the man who was seeing the Ferryboat Inn barmaid, then this marriage has lasted, from vows to divorce, under two weeks. That's the fastest settlement ever. It might be that it was an annulment rather than a divorce. Lynne should check that.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Lynne is at the pub. The barmaid asks Lynne if she should finish with her boyfriend. Lynne says she should because he got married last week. The barmaid says she said a good reason not a minor inconvenience.

Lynne is on her own at the Ferryboat Inn. That is not to say that George is not with her. He could quite easily be in the toilet, buying another round or picking his songs on the jukebox.

So it seems the barmaid is dating a married man. What a cad! Not only is he having an affair but he is doing it over the period of his wedding and other people know about it. His days of infidelity are surely numbered.

The barmaid then kicks off at Lynne for her moral judgement. She has no right to. As far as we are concerned, the barmaid never said anything about a good reason. No wonder Lynne looks shocked. All was she was doing was trying to raise the standards of sleepy Wimbledon, whilst looking out for a friend who will undoubtedly be hurt in the long run and she gets her head bitten off. George can't get back from the jukebox sooner.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


George and Lynne are in a tent. Lynne asks George to remember that it was pitch black when they arrived last night. George does remember and adds that he didn't think it was the camp site but Lynne wasn't convinced. Lynne exits the tent to find that they are in the middle of a football stadium. She admits she was wrong.

George and Lynne have gone camping and arrived to what they believe to be the camp site in total darkness. This means that George didn't even have his lights on when they drove, although he may have had them on a low beam when arriving at the stadium, which Lynne thought was a camp site.

Following that error, he must have then found a way to drive onto the pitch. Some stadiums have a tunnel which leads from where the coaches would arrive, past the dressing room and onto the pitch, so that is understandable. George did not want to wake the other campers he believed were there and sleeping so, at this point, he completely turned his lights off and drove slowly towards a clearing that he had spied earlier.

It is now at the earliest midday so George and Lynne have slept through the warm up and all the crowd arriving. The question is not how they did not know they had camped in a football stadium but why the groundsman didn't wake them up and remove them before the game started. If Lynne had not woken, were the teams just going to play round them? There must be some old mediaeval law that states that if a man pitches his tent within the city walls, then he is not allowed to be moved.