Thursday, January 28, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are eating ice cream when Lynne tells 'Mantha that she went to see a garage band at the weekend. 'Mantha asks if it was any good to which Lynne replies that it was very cramped. 'Mantha asks if that was because there were too many people there but Lynne explains that is was actually because there was a car, some bicycles and a lawnmower there.

Lynne and 'Mantha seem to have been transported to the set of a John Hughes movie. They are casually eating ice-cream whilst wearing cropped trousers and sitting on ledges. Is this the local park or college? It is very difficult to understand where they are. The background looks like the outside of a council building or new library. Maybe this is where 'Mantha works and Lynne has popped in for an impromptu ice cream to take advantage of the clement weather.

Lynne says that 'we' went so we can only assume that she went with George. George seems like the sort of man who wouldn't be interested in popular music but perhaps he will do anything Lynne asks him to do. He wanted to stay home and sample that new scotch he bought or watch Surprise Surprise, but not this Saturday. He has been dragged to see loud music because Lynne wants to regain her youth.

It is a wonder who got the wrong end of the stick about this garage band. Was it Lynne who didn't realise the band were actually playing in a garage or those people who brought their transport into the concert. You can understand if a few people asked to leave their bikes in the corner but you have to wonder firstly how they got a car in there and secondly who came to the show on a lawnmower? Perhaps it was a sit-on lawnmower and the owner was worried it might be stolen if he left it outside. The owner of this venue should be a little more strict with his patrons parking if he wishes to attract bands bigger than The Chesterfield Kings, who George and Lynne went to see.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


George and Lynne are in the car. George is unhappy that Lynne always flirts with other drivers in traffic jams. When they arrive, George asks her why she doesn't flirt with him. Lynne replies that she doesn't want to distract him but George says it's a bit late for that.

George really does look upset with Lynne's flirting. If it is a large traffic jam there's quite a few men that Lynne will be flirting with. The luxury haired man she is currently smiling at looks pretty happy with his current situation but he must know it isn't going to lead anywhere. Maybe he is just happy that a pretty lady smiled at him. He will have to be careful if the jam eases though as he is not looking in front of him at the moment.

When they arrive at their destination George confronts Lynne about the incessant flirting. What an awkward drive it must have been. After they got out of the traffic jam Lynne will have been making normal conversation and George will be increasingly distant and fiddling with the radio. Lynne has obviously asked 'Oh for heaven's sake George, what's wrong?'.

So this is the outside of George and Lynne's house. Although we have seen a variety of close ups, usually when George is tinkering with his car, we have never seen the outside of their house. It is a nice house; it is what looks like a detached house with its own driveway and garage. There is little to no attic space so options for a vertical extension are non-existent. We must assume that it is a good purchase though as George, a leading local property lawyer, wouldn't buy a turkey of a house. Unless he is just a pawn in Lynne's game, but then Lynne would know a good property when she sees one.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


George and Lynne are at the reception of a hotel. George has asked the man at the front desk if they have a room with a view. The man returns the question by asking George to be more specific. George motions towards two scantily clad women and says he would like a view of women like them.

George and Lynne have gone away but it must have been a very spontaneous decision as they have not reserved a room at the hotel. They have however packed three suitcases worth of clothes so it can't have been that spontaneous. Maybe George just completely forgot to book the hotel. He is nervous about the prospect of getting a room at short notice as he has decided to speak to the hotelier in a very casual over familiar way but combining the words do and you into d'you. Lynne looks a little cross and not very hopeful of getting that room.

They have gone on this extended break in England as the hotelier looks proper and speaks very good English. Of course there is no real way of knowing if he is speaking with an accent but he certainly understands George even though he is combining words in an underclass way. The name of the hotel begins with a K which implies that it could be Greek or Scandanavian, but we have no real way of knowing this.

George, although he has forgotten to book a room and how to speak, is still enough of a cad to bring two women to the attention of another man. Lynne looks cross. George wouldn't be smirking so much if he could actually see the faces of those women. He can only see their backs and believes them to be attractive. They are in fact just a couple of local transexual prostitutes who prey on married men. Lynne is not only cross that George is looking at other women, but that he has a thing for women who look like men.

Monday, January 25, 2010


George and Lynne are in the garden where George is applying suntan lotion to Lynne's back. Lynne tells George that she once thought about getting a tattoo. After George asks what kind, Lynne tells him it would be the name of her favourite sexy man. George ask if she didn't end up up getting it and Lynne replies that she didn't because she couldn't decide on Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp.

Lynne has started this conversation about tattoos. This is probably because she has been reading a popular music magazine and has seen rock stars with tattoos. When George asks what kind of tattoo, surely he means what would you have done rather than what kind? Are there different types of tattoo? It's just hot ink under the skin. This is of course unless Lynne has discovered the tattoos where something else is placed under the skin to give it a 3D feel. The tattoo parlour in Wimbledon must be state of the art. No biro, needle and candle here.

'What kind?' is not the only stupid question George asks. He asks Lynne if she went through with it. Has he not been married to her for 10 years? Does he not know if she has a tattoo or not? You may understand it if Lynne was a shy retiring woman who got changed in the bathroom and only copulated under cover of darkness, but this is Lynne we are talking about. She's more often naked than not. George just doesn't pay enough attention to his wife. This conversation might be loaded by Lynne to see if has noticed she doesn't have a tattoo and George has fallen for it.

Brad Pitt's name has come up again. This local Brad Pitt from Wimbledon (or the young exchange student) is still on Lynne's mind. Johnny Depp, however, we have never heard of. Being 20 in 1983, this could be the same Johnny Depp but here is a more viable explanation. Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are the names of the two competing tattoo artists in Wimbledon. They are both highly regarded and both came up with original designs to ink on Lynne's body, but unfortunately Lynne decided she didn't want to hurt either of their feelings so she opted out of the tattoo. Since then both tattoo parlours have been shut down due to health and safety violations, so Lynne was quite lucky. Hepatitis was just around the corner.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


George and Lynne are in bed. George tells Lynne that his boss said that they were all cogs in the company machine but some are old, rusty and out of use. George puts Lynne's mind at ease by telling her that he was not one of them. Lynne agrees.

George has had a bad day at work but he is glad he can discuss it with Lynne before they go to sleep. It sounds like the staff at George's work have not been firing on all cylinders and that the boss is not happy. She has already fired, and physically abused, an employee for being too old and now it seems she is threatening to fire anyone over the age of 50 without hesitation. Is that anyway to run a business?

George has been given the dreaded vote of confidence. He seems happy about this but it means he will have to work extra hard to prove his worth to the company. If his numbers next month are below par he won't be lasting long. It must be hard for George to work in that sort of environment.

Lynne seems to know just how George gets on at work. Is she moonlighting in his office in order to bring in some money? Perhaps she is a silent partner and has a deep secret that she has kept from George all these years. This is why she's happy with spending all that money. To George she stays at home all day and lunches with various friends, but actually she is a high powered business woman. It may be that she has employed George herself from behind closed doors to give him the impression that he is the bread winner of the two, when in fact he has no idea what he's doing and every report he turns in is complete drivel. His pay packet is a fabrication and Lynne secretly deposits a wage into his account every month. On a particularly busy month she sometimes forgets and this is why George keeps thinking he is broke. The truth is that they do not have any money worries at all.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Lynne is sitting on George's car and asks him what the price of failure is. George replies that the price of his failure to spot a speed camera was a £60 fine.

George and Lynne the vampire chronicles continues although Lynne has made a little bit more effort to hide her immortal skin tone than George has. You'd think that with that much make-up to apply that she wouldn't constantly be wearing such revealing outfits. We will accept that George and Lynne have a sinister other life and speak no more about it.

Lynne is sitting on the bonnet of George's car which might be very distracting for him when he is trying to pump up the front tyre. It may also make it a little bit trickier as the extra weight is adding to the pressure on the tyre. Could he not just ask her to get off the car while he is pumping the tyres? Lynne must think she is not that heavy, but she may be in for a shock if she gets off that car and finds she's left a dent.

George is going to any length to avoid that speeding fine. He may actually be letting air out of his tyres to show a policeman, or a court, that he wasn't even out driving that day, but repairing his car. He has also decided to change the number plates. This could be George's last £60 and there is no way he will pay it, even though changing his number plates may have been just as expensive, unless he has called in a favour from a local gangster. If he has then he might be in for more than he bargained for later on. Never owe a gangster anything. Lynne, time to call your mother again.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Lynne is lying on her bed and tells George that she rang her mother but she was out shopping. George asks if she was out with her new billionaire husband. Lynne says that she was and that they went out to buy the latest model. George asks if it is a car they are buying but Lynne tells him it is a Lear Jet and throws a paper aeroplane.

Lynne rang her mother yet she knows exactly where her mother is. In this day and age before the mobile telephone she must have just got the answering machine. This suggests that Lynne's mother is just the sort of person who will change her answering machine message every time she leaves the house so any potential callers will know exactly where she is. That is a lot of wasted minutes.

It seems that George and Lynne's money troubles are over. Lynne's mother has married a billionaire. This is most probably the reason Lynne has been spending so readily recently. She is hedging her bets a bit thinking that her mother will give her a lot of money if they get too deep in debt. Lynne may have been calling her mother to ask for money but she could have just been calling to show what a loving daughter she is, so that when the time comes when she has to ask for money it won't be out of the blue.

Talking of blue, both George and Lynne look incredibly pale. Has their nutrition gone so downhill with the lack of money and food? The other explanation is that George (or Lynne, but why would Lynne dream of herself in her underwear) is dreaming and in this dream he and Lynne are in fact zombies or vampires. Unless of course this is real life and George and Lynne really are the undead. Everyday they have to put on make-up to make themselves look alive enough to blend in with the human race. In truth, every night they lure one of Lynne's friends back to their house to feast on her blood. That is the reason we only see these friends once.

Monday, January 18, 2010


George and Lynne are at a party. Lynne comments to George that today's weather is perfect for Lyle and Louise's pool party. Louise comes over and George asks her where Lyle is. Louise replies that she doesn't know and she doesn't really care. George assumes that there has been an argument and Lynne says that the outlook has turned stormy, drawing on her previous comment about the weather.

George and Lynne are at a pool party and the weather is beautiful. However they are inside. Lyle and Louise may have an indoor pool and everyone is around it inside a conservatory. Could this be the winter equivalent of the Barker's summer party? Are Lyle and Louise the Barkers? It seems strange that they would have two pools both inside and out at their house so they can't be the Barkers. Lyle and Louise must have realised they would never compete with the Barkers in the summer so they've started their own annual party, but in the heart of winter.

Lyle and Louise have turned the heating way up for their pool party and George is feeling the heat. He has unbuttoned his shirt almost to his naval and half rolled his sleeves up. George didn't really know the format of this party and he arrived wearing a jacket, shirt and tie. It's so much warmer inside Lyle and Louise's conservatory that he's had to loosen his clothes. Had he known it was a sort of summer party in winter he may have arrived in a short sleeved shirt. Other guests are wearing crop tops but Lynne is wearing quite a covering dress so she too didn't know the format. Perhaps next year Lyle and Louise should bill it as a Winter Summer Party.

Lyle and Louise have had a fight so there might not even be another party next year. George is very perceptive but does he know what the fight was about? It may be about only hiring one waiter or only buying white wine for the drinks. Lyle may have been talking to another woman but the most likely reason for their disagreement is the intense heat inside the conservatory. Louise wanted the temperature to fit the time of year so the guests wouldn't be uncomfortable but Lyle was adamant that it should be hot. After the argument, Lyle turned up the thermostat and locked the airing cupboard. Louise is on the hunt for the key and has removed her shawl. She's most annoyed that the waiter has threatened to leave because he is sweating profusely. He did not sign up for this.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Lynne is out and about with Harry. She asks him how his shooting weekend in the country was. Harry tells Lynne that he thought it was most enjoyable and adds that he bagged a brace of birds. Lynne sees that he means a couple of women who are in his car.

Another shopping trip for Lynne. The money worries of George do not seem to concern her at all. She has three bags from what looks like the same designer boutique. A boutique so upmarket and elite that it doesn't even put the name of the store on its bags. You have to know where to go if you want to compete with Lynne in shopping circles.

Lynne is with Harry, who we have seen a few times before and is known as the local playboy. He has recently been away for the weekend to the country for the purpose of shooting. By the way he says he bagged a brace of birds, even though it is a double meaning, shows that he really did shoot game birds rather than just clay pigeons. This is the sort of weekend men go on for stag events. Harry may have gone with a few friends for this purpose or he may have been on some sort of business team building exercise. He drives a sports car so it is likely he has a high powered job.

Harry has brought both the women he met on the shooting weekend back with him. Two questions arise here. The first is whether the two women are from the country or were on a trip similar to the one Harry was on. Was there a coincidence that they both lived in south west London, thus giving Harry a perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation, or are they from Derbyshire, where Harry has been, and he has invited them both down the following weekend to see the big smoke? Judging by their outfits, it seems as though they are country girls and have not yet learnt the etiquette of Saturday driving attire. The second question is just how long Harry has left them in the car. The start of this episode suggests that Harry has been walking around with Lynne for quite some time and the last frame shows that the women were getting restless and just about to jump out of the car. However the 'P' on the shop window could well be the start of the word Pharmacy, thus suggesting that Harry has pulled his sports car over and jumped out to the chemist to buy some extra protection for this evening's antics. You cad Harry!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are in a sauna. Lynne tells 'Mantha that she and George went to see a movie. 'Mantha asks her how it was, to which Lynne replies that it was very noisy. 'Mantha asks if it was the film that was noisy but Lynne tells her it was her and George in the back row that were noisy.

The way Lynne tells 'Mantha that she went to see a movie suggests that she, or 'Mantha, had never been before. Normally people would say that they went to the cinema. Also, normally people would ask which film they have been to see. It's almost as if Lynne and 'Mantha had been previously discussing these 'movies' everybody has been talking about but were apprehensive about trying it out themselves. Lynne said she would go but 'Mantha would wait for feedback before going herself.

So 'Mantha is interested in how the experience of going to the movies was and all Lynne tells her is the volume of it all. That must be a little disappointing for her. 'Mantha had been looking forward to hearing all about it since they spoke and she must feel cheated. She asks if the film was noisy but she has a thousand other questions ask. How much was it? How long did it last? Who was there? Just look at the way she stands up to show just how excited she is that Lynne actually went.

Lynne may be implying that she and George were being amorous in the back row, but it may be to hide what was actually going on and what actually happened. George and Lynne were in awe of the whole experience and spent the whole time clapping and hollering at every little detail of the 'movie'. They cheered at the popcorn stand, they oohed at the man collecting the tickets, they applauded and danced to the Pearl and Dean music and finally they shouted at the manager who asked them to quiet down and leave. In the end they never saw the movie and it is likely they won't be allowed back. 'Mantha, you'll just have to go and try it for yourself.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


George and Lynne have both just got up and George reminds Lynne of the party last night. He then opens the post to see a letter from the bank. Lynne offers him black coffee to help with his hangover, but George exclaims it can't clear their overdraft.

It is morning, but if the party was as good as George says it was it may well be afternoon. If that is the case then this Saturday is already half over. It must be a Saturday as George and Lynne are still in their pyjamas and the post has arrived. It may be a letter left over from yesterday but we have seen before that George likes to get the post as soon as it comes through the door.

George says 'Oh' before he tells Lynne the letter is from the bank. This implies that he thought it was going to be from someone else. Did he finally think his numbers had come up on the premium bonds? Was he expecting a tax rebate? Whatever he expected it was going to be better than a letter from the bank about his overdraft.

Just what financial difficulties are George and Lynne in? This isn't the first time that we have seen that George is having money troubles. On many occasions he has tried to only spend money in the sales and generally curb Lynne's spending. Something tells us that this isn't the first letter from the bank. George may be the sort of person who will purposefully ignore demands for money instead of taking responsibility for his actions. After playfully reminiscing the party, this has turned into quite a serious and depressing episode for George.

Monday, January 11, 2010


George and Lynne are playing tennis. Lynne tells George that her tennis instructor loves blondes. George comments that he is fine with that as long as he doesn't love his blonde, in other words Lynne. Lynne tells him not to worry as she only has eyes for him. George thinks to himself that he only has eyes for Lynne's legs.

We've arrived at an exciting point of this rally between George and Lynne. We don't know who is serving but Lynne has decided to come to the net to finish off the point. However it seems her punch volley is not as effective as she would hope as George has returned it and has also come to the net. Lynne, with seemingly lightning reactions, has got to George's volley and, with a swift backhand, returned it once more. Next we see George and Lynne walking off on the same side of the net, implying that the game and the match is over. Lynne therefore must have won, in what was quite a thrilling finish.

With another win under her belt, Lynne must be thankful that she decided to take up with a tennis coach. The tennis coach loves blondes so he must be giving Lynne extra special attention which is certainly improving her game, and especially her net play. Lynne used to think of herself as a baseline player but recently she is much more of a serve and volleyer, which suits the grass courts she regularly plays on. Living so close to Wimbledon has its perks. But what of the brunettes that go to the tennis coach? His love of blondes explains the success of Chris Evert during the 80s and also shows us exactly why Gabriela Sabatini and Hana Mandlikova never won a Wimbledon title.

George's last thought is a little sinister. It's almost as if he's a serial killer and he wants to own Lynne's legs, akin to Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. If George had been paying more attention to the tennis match and not his wife's legs then maybe he wouldn't have been so well and truly trounced by Lynne. That said, Lynne does have nice legs and they have been coveted by pet shop owners across south London.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


George and Lynne are out cycling. George tells Lynne that cycling is good for you. Lynne gets a puncture and bends down to fix it, causing two other cyclists to cycle into the pond. George comments that swimming is also good for you, which is lucky for the men now in the pond.

George and Lynne are on a popular cycling path. Not only are they enjoying a bike ride but four other men are too. Two of the men, as we know, end up in the pond which is next to the path. Although they are likely to blame Lynne's revealing outfit, they only have themselves to blame for cycling too close to the water. The man in the red certainly is and then the man in the blue has decided to perform a wheelie right at the point when Lynne bends over. For such a busy cycle path, it was the wrong place to start doing tricks.

From George's initial comment about cycling's benefits we can deduce that Lynne has not been cycling for a while. She must have been cycling once before otherwise she would be falling off and into the water herself but she can't be very experienced when it comes to bicycle maintenance because what she thinks is a puncture looks more like a completely buckled front wheel. Surely she should know the difference between a puncture and a broken wheel? Perhaps she has heard the term puncture and just thinks it means something to do with the wheel not working. This is where George should step in although it seems he has turned into Jason Patric.

By the end of this little episode, there are no less than 4 men in the pond. The first two we know about but the man in black has now joined them. He has appeared from a long way off as he was not behind George and Lynne when they initially stop. He may have been shocked by Lynne's bum but he also may have thought that a celebrity was on his cycle route. The fourth man to cycle into the water is one of the men in white who were on the path. The last man is the most frightened of the lot as his face has turned as white as a sheet. Although George is right that swimming is good for you, this man will not agree as he does not know how to swim hence his shock. He should have thought of a different place to exercise if he was so afraid of water.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Lynne is sitting on a sofa with an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that her doctor has told her to give up most of her vices. Lynne asks what they are to which the friend replies that they are alcohol, coffee, chocolate and the like. Lynne shows some sympathy before asking her what the vice is that she can't give up. The friend tells Lynne it is her doctor and she leaves with him.

At first glance it looks as though Lynne and her friend are at someone's house. However by the end we realise that they are at the doctor's, but waiting for different reasons. The friend, who may now not be a friend but merely a woman in the waiting room, is waiting for her doctor boyfriend but Lynne is probably just waiting for her appointment. Her ailment may be the same as the one we were wondering about before.

The woman, we will no longer refer to her as a friend, mentions her vices are alcohol, coffee, chocolate and the like. 'The like' could refer to any number of vices but of the ones that a doctor would recommend you to stop she must be referring to smoking and recreational drug use. You can understand that she would not want to tell a complete stranger how many valium she takes in a given week but smoking is not yet the taboo it has become.

One of her vices, her doctor, is something she has been officially told not to give up. If this is a normal relationship, then there is no reason to call it vice. That is of course unless the doctor is carrying a disease or insists on some dangerous bedroom games. Maybe the doctor is the one with the uncontrollable heroin habit and is very careless with where he gets his needles from, which is ironic considering how professional he is inside his surgery. His professionalism does not extend to the waiting room, where he is now not only breaching the medical code by engaging in a relationship with a patient, but also neglecting his other patient by walking out before surgery time has finished for the day. So Lynne's appointment isn't important enough? Lynne must not know that this is her doctor as she would be furious. Now she has to make another appointment for no reason other than this doctor needed his fix of intravenous drugs and a bit of howsyerfather.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Lynne comments that Vicky has given her a calender of shirtless men. Lynne says that Vicky thought she might like it but Lynne says she'd rather have a date with this hunk, and hugs George.

Lynne is talking to George but George is not looking her way. We know this because after drawing attention to the calendar, she then has to tell George it is a calendar. He may of course be looking her way but his eyesight wasn't what it used to be. All he saw was the fuzzy outline of a topless men and his face started contorting with rage, filling up with red much like in other cartoons. Lynne saw her error and immediately threw in what she was actually holding up.

George's rage has yet to subside so Lynne had to appease him once more with a loving gesture. She walks over and tells George that she's not interested in shirtless workmen when she must be rather alarmed at the fact the man she is now hugging is not in fact George! It's almost as if this is a play and due to illness the part of George will be played by Gary Lineker. But it isn't Gary Lineker, it is in fact George but he does look rather gaunt. He has lost a lot of weight and the lines are forming on his face. Does he usually hook himself up to a dialysis machine on weekends in order to beef up his immune system? When Lynne hugs him she seems to grimace a little, realising that the next few years of looking after a dying George may be more than she bargained for.

Monday, January 4, 2010


George and Lynne are at a New Year's Eve party. Lynne comments to 'Mantha that she is enjoying the party. At midnight George notices that Sammy is dancing and 'Mantha decides it is time to make new year's resolutions. Lynne notices Sammy again and says that he is making a new year's revolution.

Lynne is right, this is some New Year's Eve party. There is a swing band, chicken drumsticks and a banner. Lynne comments to 'Mantha that the party is great as if it is 'Mantha's party. If it is 'Mantha's party then well done her. She has hired a hall and a swing band and managed to get catering too. However, 'Mantha is not being a very good host as she is spending most of her time talking to George and Lynne. The more likely explanation is that this is someone else's party but 'Mantha had been the person who suggested it, so Lynne is in essence thanking 'Mantha for a good idea.

The beginning to this episode takes place near the start of the party; the two couples have just arrived and are amazed at the music and food. The middle of the episode however occurs a lot later, the amount time later being determined by the time at which they arrive at the party. For example if they arrived at the party at 9 o'clock then the middle, and end, happens 3 hours later. We know this happens later for two reasons; the first of which is the time, as mentioned by 'Mantha, and the second is that Sammy is now drunk and has changed his hat from a yellow one to a red one. The party has really heated up during this time as another guest has decided to throw a beer keg across the dancefloor.

At midnight, the dancefloor looks quite busy. Later when Lynne, or is it George, makes her comment, the dancefloor looks empty apart from the gyrating Sammy. He is enjoying himself, and Lynne finds it mildly amusing, but this may be more to do with her smirking at her own witty comment. However George and 'Mantha are not amused one little bit. This is because Sammy's new year's resolution, which he had secretly revealed to George and 'Mantha the day before, was to curb his drinking.