WEDDING VOWS

Lynne is out roller-blading. She uses this alone time to think about some things. On this particular occasion she thinks about Mr and Mrs Warboys who have recently renewed their wedding vows. She heard from someone else that they had a ceremony to do it but it ended badly. It turned out that Mrs Warboys vowed not to marry Mr Warboys.

Lynne has only recently taken up roller-blading as she seems very shaky. You would think that she would practice a bit before heading out on to the high street. Having an accident in full view of the public would be a little embarrassing for her, but full credit, she has gone out anyway. She is not fooling herself though and has made the necessary purchases of safety equipment.

You have to wonder what triggers these thoughts. Does the woman in the designer sunglasses remind her of Mrs Warboys? Did Mrs Warboys also rollerblade? What seems strange is that Lynne is fascinated by the lives of the Warboys without actually knowing their first names. This must have been the only thing that happened this week for it to occupy Lynne's mind. No other mildly controversial event at all. That said, if there were a lot of people at this ceremony and Mrs Warboys publicly asked for a divorce then it might have been big news.

Well done to Lynne. After just a short time roller-blading she has lost the shakes in her arms. She's not moving as smoothly as she'd like, but she's getting there.

CLEANING LADY

Lynne is at 'Mantha's house and they are both cleaning in their underwear. Lynne asks for confirmation that 'Mantha's cleaning lady has suddenly quit. 'Mantha does confirm this and adds that the cleaning lady may have won the lottery. Lynne asks if the cleaning lady cleaned up, but in a rhetorical way.

'Mantha is in a panic. Her cleaning lady, from out of nowhere, quit her job and there is dust everywhere. She has got no choice but to call Lynne for support. 'Mantha knows what a vacuum cleaner is, she's seen one and she's seen someone use one but she has no idea how to use it herself. Lynne isn't sure either but she has come round armed with a feather duster ready for action.

Lynne and 'Mantha are in their underwear. There is a perfectly rational explanation for this. The vacuum cleaner is a tricky piece of machinery and both Lynne and 'Mantha are completely bemused by it. They have looked all over it and cannot understand how it works. They have turned it upside down and are sticking their fingers in it. Just then, Lynne decides that the three pronged thing should go in the thing in the wall that has three holes. The vacuum cleaner whirrs into action and 'Mantha's long sleeved chiffon dress gets caught and sucked into the machine. Lynne is so shocked that she runs over and knocks into the vacuum cleaner, turning it off. 'Mantha stands up and also knocks the vacuum cleaner, this time turning it on and then sucking Lynne's floaty dress into it. They are both now without dresses but at least they know how the vacuum cleaner turns on.

Of course this is only one explanation. The other is that the cleaning lady also did 'Mantha's laundry. 'Mantha has had a busy week and is clean out (no pun intended) of clothes, so after she hoovers the living room she'll try and work out how to use the washing machine. Lynne has arrived and thinks this is a new fashion as she knows that 'Mantha always keeps up with the latest trends and promptly strips off. Now it's just two fashionable ladies cleaning a house.

PINBALL

Lynne is at an amusement arcade and is playing a pinball machine. She proclaims to herself that she is a pinball wizard. Her game finishes and she is upset that she has no more change. Four men appear to offer her the 10p she needs and Lynne wonders why this always seems to happen when she plays pinball.

Lynne must be on the coast, perhaps on a pier. Yes, there may be an amusement arcade in her local town but surely even Lynne wouldn't wear that outfit for a trip into town. She must be on holiday. This is either a new weekend away or the same one when she's gone to meet a friend. It's more likely that she has been sent in there to amuse (hence the name of the establishment) herself while George takes a good half hour at the Lifeboat museum.

The issue here is where Lynne would put her change if she was not out of it. That outfit does not look like it has pockets so she would have to carry around a pile of 10ps. The likely explanation is that before her and George parted ways, he gave her a crisp £1 note to go and spend. She changed it with the proprieter and then stacked up the money on the top of the pinball ready to play. Pocket crisis averted.

On first glance, we may think that Lynne is only playing the pinball machine on the back of recently seeing, or hearing, Tommy. With the album being released in 1969, it most probably the film that Lynne has recently seen, perhaps on video as the film was released in 1975. She has it fresh in her mind and wanted to play pinball to see if she was, like the deaf, dumb and blind kid, a pinball wizard and then she could say the phrase, thus proving to the people in the vicinity that she was both into popular music and film and good at recreational activities. However she has drawn up quite a crowd and these men are desperate for her to play again to see if she can beat the high score. She's that good, thus implying that she has been playing for a while now. It now seems it was the initial album that introduced her to pinball machines and she has quite the knack. Perversely, Lynne is not really a big Who fan and shunned the next offering of Who's Next. She prefers soul music.

CARS

George is working on his car when Lynne asks him why men are so interested in cars. George deflects this question by asking Lynne why women are so interested in shopping. Lynne suggests combining their interests by telling George to drive her to the shops. George sighs.

There is something wrong with George's car. It was only recently that George had the bonnet up and now he's tinkering with it again. George had a play round with the engine the other day when he had no business being in there. Granted, it is his own car but he is doing more bad than good. It's all very well him changing a tyre but an engine is a completely different piece of machinery. It's obvious he thought that he'd have a play round to sort out that rattling sound and now it has got even worse. He has now decided to try and fix it and is out of his depth. This is why he deflects the question; he has no idea what he's doing.

So instead of answering, because he doesn't want anymore questions about cars as he knows nothing, he uses this opportunity to ask the age old question of why women are so interested in shopping? This is also a loaded question as he wants to Lynne to admit that it is her who has maxed out all his credit cards. He is scared of Lynne and is clearly nervous. The hand that is holding his shammy is shaking quite badly. Lynne has a nasty temper so he is being as passive aggressive as possible.

George's line of questioning has not worked. Instead of an admission of guilt, George has now inadvertently agreed to a trip to the shops. He also has to drive his clapped out old motor with a rattling engine. Lynne will not take kindly to being taken to a new boutique in a backfiring Mercedes. George has elected to say the word 'sigh' instead of actually sighing. Perhaps this is an ironic sigh. He is unhappy about Lynne spending all their money, but he is so tired he says sigh in order to again try and antagonise Lynne into a reaction. Unfortunately, Lynne only has one thing on her mind - a new frock.

SAY IT

George is relaxing with a book when Lynne comes up behind him, tells him it is her birthday soon and implies that she'd like diamonds for a present. George tells her through the medium of the written word and a play on her previous statement that he doesn't have enough money for her first choice present.

I do hope that isn't a library book that George is reading because he really isn't taking very good care of it. In fact, even if that is his own book he really shouldn't fold it all the way over like that. The spine will get very badly creased and it will look tatty in his book case. George doesn't seem the sort of person to do this so he must have picked up this book from a charity shop, and after we learn about his current financial situation later on, this is understandable.

George has been going spare with worry about how he was going to tell Lynne that they have no money, and he decided to relax with a book and then a spot of painting, hence why the easel is up in the corner. Either that or it is up there from last night's vigorous game of Pictionary with Sammy and 'Mantha. It was a close game with George and Sammy ending up victorious with a novel way of depicting the word 'terror'. If that was the case then the year is 1985, which doesn't explain George's financial predicament as the recession ended 3 years ago.

TROUBLES

In a day in the life of Lynne, she is at the hairdressers where her hairdresser says that people tell hairdressers their troubles. Later she is at a bar where a barmaid tells her that people tell barmaids their troubles. Finally at home, Lynne asks George, who is washing the windows, why barmaids and hairdressers tell her their troubles.

So this is what Lynne gets up to. She has a haircut, and testament to her hairdresser because her hair style never changes, and then she goes for a drink on her own. All the while George has been washing the windows with the smallest step ladder know to man which he is using to wash the windows on the ground floor. Those windows on the ground floor must be just out of reach for him and when he was out buying the special wipey thing for window cleaning he decided he was tired of the dirt at the top of the windows he couldn't reach and bought a step ladder just for that purpose. When he got home he realised a chair from the kitchen would have sufficed, but his stubbornness kicked in.

Lynne doesn't let on what the troubles are that the hairdresser and the barmaid are having but it can't just be that they are constantly being told people's troubles. It's probably that people tell them their troubles and they have no one to tell their troubles to. This is where Lynne comes in. He prize for having a high maintenance hair style and a moderate drinking problem is befriending the women who work in these establishments. She complains but she should be happy that these women trust her enough to tell her their troubles. Lynne is now the only person in town who knows that the hairdresser has the onset of arthritis which is jeopardising her career and that the barmaid's husband is having a baby with another barmaid.

George isn't listening. He is excited that he has finally got the top of the windows clean and can't wait to tell Lynne. Unfortunately she is in a bad mood so will not share his enthusiasm.

LYNNE

Lynne is out jogging when she passes three women. These women are talking about Lynne in a derogatory way. Lynne overhears them and comments to herself that she's not bothered about these women talking about her because she'd rather them talk about her in a bad way than not talk about her at all.

Either these women are very picky about who they side themselves with or Lynne has done something abhorrent to them. It can't be just her exercise attire; then again we can only see the front of her outfit. Perhaps she has a blue word on the back. But the ladies also cannot see the back of her running gear. She must have done something else. She must have embarrassed herself at Ken's party. She got so drunk and gave Ken what he wanted by flashing at him. She then promptly jumped into his swimming pool and then drove home. Some other people were impressed, especially Ken, and whooped and hollered. These women, the old guard of the community and therefore invited to everything, were not.

Lynne seems impressed with her own epigram. Of course it's not hers, it's Oscar Wilde's, but Lynne won't know that. She's just heard it passing conversation and has now passed it off as her own. She is aware, however, that it is not her own so just mutters it to herself. If the old ladies managed to hear it they would be absolutely up in arms. Not only is she a drunk and a stripper, but a plagiarist as well.