Thursday, February 25, 2010


Lynne is talking to an unnamed friend who tells Lynne that in the old days there was a saying that was 'Lock up your daughters'. After looking at some men and some women she says the saying is now 'Lock up your sons, husbands and fathers'.

It really is difficult to know where Lynne is. Initially it seems that these men are looking in through a barn door at Lynne and her friend. By the end it might be that they are at a garden party of some kind. If the garden party is hosted by the friend it is a wonder why she invited such floozies who have driven away a respectable three generations of men.

The three men, who it seems consist of the man in the black and red jumper, his father and his son, are leaving the garden party. They all look thoroughly miserable yet just before they were all looking longingly at three women. What exactly did these women do to drive the men away? They can all see each other so there's no surprises there and no one has said a word. It seems they leave because of the scowl from Lynne's friend.

Lynne's friend refers to the three men as husbands, sons and fathers. It all now becomes clear. These three men are the husband, father and son of Lynne's friend. Lynne has come round to see her friend but her friend is concerned about the local prostitutes who use the outside of her house as a place to 'turn tricks'. The men like the idea of some hookers outside their house but Lynne's friend does not. She has warned them before about waving at the ladies of the night and when they see she has spotted them, the men walk back into the house with their heads hung low. An embarrassing moment for the family.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


George and Lynne are out and about when they see a sign advertising strawberries. Lynne encourages George to go towards the strawberries because she loves them. The man at the stall asks George and Lynne if they would like to pick their own to which Lynne replies that she would. She then thinks to herself that she is spoilt for choice.

It seems George has an aversion to strawberries. Before we arrive at this scene, Lynne has asked George to follow the sign, and George has replied that he doesn't want to. What are George's issues with the delicious red fruit? Did he have an embarrassing incident with them or do they just plain make him sick? The most likely explanation is that living in Wimbledon he is bombarded with requests from friends to stay at his house during Wimbledon fortnight. George is a kind man so usually yields but is sick to death of everyone who stays telling him that they had strawberries and cream. So now he flat out refuses to eat them out of principle.

Lynne would rather pick her own that be given a punnet which has been pre-picked by the proprietors of the large strawberry patch. Perhaps she doesn't like the look of them, or she thinks their hands are dirty. It is a farm of sorts so it's likely that their hands will be dirty. Lynne should also know that washing them would be a good idea anyway and that George is feeling uncomfortable around the fruit, so a pre-picked punnet and a swift exit might be a good idea.

Lynne thinks she is spoilt for choice. Just how big is this place? The choice of strawberries is beyond compare. Lynne thinks she's getting a good deal by having the pick of the patch but just how different are all these strawberries? Perhaps the strawberries she's seen in the punnets are quite small and there are far larger ones still to be picked. It's either that or she fancies Ben Fogle.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Lynne is at the doctor's office. As she waits for her appointment a man comes out in a state of shock. He thinks the doctor must be wrong but the doctor says there is no mistake. The man tells Lynne that the DNA test confirmed the father of his children. Lynne asks if it is bad news and the man replies that it is in fact terrible news because all of his children are his.

Lynne may have finally found a doctor that she can rely on. This doctor is warm to his patients, trustworthy and has his name on his office door. His name is Dr Campbell. He also has a very welcoming waiting room with magazines and a plant. It seems Lynne has made the right decision and perhaps Dr Campbell can finally sort out that problem that has been hampering Lynne all this time.

The man who comes out of the doctor's office is so distraught at the news that he feels it necessary to vent to a total stranger. Lynne should really stay out of this stranger's problems but having heard the ambiguous conversation between the man and the doctor she is so intrigued to find out what is actually going on. Not only does she ask if it's bad news but she walks out with him, perhaps missing her own appointment in the process. Not a good thing to do when you're on the lookout for a good doctor; Dr Campbell does not like to be kept waiting.

The man is upset that his children are actually his. He is likely to be upset because they are young tearaways. He has five children who have done untold damage to his house and garden. At the present time all his windows have been smashed, one child has destroyed a plant pot, another has ripped up a plant and a third is kicking a melon. The man thinks that if the children weren't his then he may be able to get away with not looking after them, or even divorce his wife and just be shot of the whole ghastly situation. The sad part of this is that not only does he mean it, but he would be happier if his wife had had an affair which spawned five children. The children are all about the same age which means his wife either had triplets and twins, or even more remarkably quintuplets. At least if they weren't his he could believe that his wife was only unfaithful the one time. Somewhere a different man is sighing with relief.

Monday, February 22, 2010


George and Lynne at a dojo. George brings to the attention of Lynne that Kelly is giving a karate demonstration and is a black belt. Lynne is impressed and comments that she can look after herself. After the demonstration has finished, Lynne asks Kelly where Tom, her man, is. Kelly replies that she caught him dating another woman and gave him the chop. George is scared.

It is difficult to know the reason George and Lynne have gone to the dojo. Initially it seems that they are passing by and happen to notice Kelly but they have walked into the dojo and surely you need some sort of membership card for that. Neither of them are carrying a sports bag so they can't have been going for a lesson themselves. It appears that they have come to the dojo specifically to meet Kelly.

They have come to meet Kelly and, perhaps, her boyfriend for dinner. Lynne knows that Kelly has a man called Tom, but she does not know the recent news. This dinner was arranged a while ago and they have not spoken to Kelly since. During that time Kelly has caught Tom dating another woman and they have split. She did not just catch him seeing a woman but actually dating which means that she saw him on date with this woman on more than one occasion. It is likely that she saw him once with this woman but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but she was also worried so she followed him on another day when he met this same woman again, and was perhaps a lot more amorous with her. Her suspicions were thus confirmed and it was right to end the relationship.

Kelly must be someone that George is more acquainted with than Lynne. He knows that she works in a dojo and also that she is a black belt. This is the first time Lynne has experienced Kelly's talents and is obviously impressed. However it is George who is scared at the end when Kelly comes a little close and Lynne who finds the whole incident amusing. Lynne may find it funny that George is scared or that Kelly is doing something strange with her hands. Lynne is not au fait with eastern cultures and giggles in Chinese restaurants.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Lynne is in the bath. George calls out that he loves her doll collection. Lynne is confused and gets out of the bath. George comes in and confirms that it is her baby doll dress collection he likes. He then asks which one she will be wearing tonight.

Lynne has filled the bath a bit more tonight but she still can't get her entire body submerged. The bath looks like it's filled to near the top so perhaps Lynne is actually 6' 7” tall. This can't be right as that would mean George, Sammy, 'Mantha and any other friend she comes across will also be a giant. The most likely explanation is that the previous owner of their house was shorter than average and had a custom bath fitted to his own specifications. In their haste to get a quick sale, George and Lynne neglected this part of the property. It is on George's to do list to fit a new bath but at the moment he has neither the money nor the time.

Lynne seems quite startled after George calls out. It is almost as if George put on a fake funny voice to match his exclamation. He was perfecting his Hugh Scully impersonation pretending that Lynne's doll collection had a high value. Lynne thinks for a moment that this isn't George and immediately jumps out of the bath and grabs a towel to see who this mystery man is. Any fear she had is quickly dampened by seeing George and not Hugh Scully.

If George thinks that two dresses constitutes a collection he has very low expectations. The number of baby doll dresses should amount to at least 8 before it can be considered a collection. We do not know however if Lynne has a substantial amount still in her wardrobe and George has just picked out two of his favourites, or even the two he hasn't seen worn for a while. If these are the only baby doll dresses Lynne has then it pales in comparison to 'Mantha's earring collection (29 pairs), and Sammy's empty scotch bottle collection (too many to count). Now those are real collections.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Lynne is in bed thinking that her and George's German friend Helga has been staying with them. Lynne refers to her as a little tart and remembers that she has been parading around George in sexy underwear. She promptly does the same because she is the only one allowed to do that.

That is one giant pillow. Is it a special pillow that stretches across the entire width of the bed that both she and George share or does George have one on his side too? If this is a normal size double bed then it would seem that George wouldn't have space for an equally large pillow on his side so he may just have a normal size pillow. It may seem unfair that Lynne has a massive pillow and George not, but Lynne may have neck and back problems which mean she needs a special pillow to help her spine.

Helga has been staying with them but we do not know the nature of their friendship. If she feels comfortable enough to walk around their house in only her underwear then it would seem that she is a close enough friend and not just staying for a couple of nights on her travels. Then again, those Europeans do things a little different to the Brits. You would expect that if Lynne had invited her to stay, or at least said yes to her plea, that she would know that Helga was a flirt and a threat to Lynne. Thin carefully next time Lynne.

Now Lynne is parading around in her underwear. Does this mean Helga has left? Did Lynne throw her out? More likely is that she wants to go and check out the sights of Wimbledon before she continues her travels thus leaving Lynne to have George all to herself. George sees the fact that Lynne has come out wearing underwear as some healthy competition that has forced Lynne to up her game. Either that or George was expecting Helga and his next face will be that of a forlorn man who has seen something he's seen 100 times before.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Sammy is at George and Lynne's and asks George if there is any football on. George apologises and says that Lynne is in charge of the remote. Sammy asks George if there is anything worse than a woman channel hopping. George says there is and it is if she finds the shopping channel.

This episode takes place further in the future than our normal adventures. Lynne is wanting to find the shopping channel so she must be watching QVC. QVC was launched in America in November 1986 so it is likely that George, Lynne, Sammy and 'Mantha have gone on holiday to Florida to enjoy some warm weather in the winter. They have booked into a hotel suite and Sammy has come to George's room to watch sport. They are not outside enjoying the weather as it is a rainy day in Orlando today or they only have an hour to wait until they have to leave for their flight. Either that or they have just arrived and are settling into their rooms.

Sammy asks if there is any footy on but he must be referring to American Football as it is unlikely that British football would be broadcast on American television in 1986. However he could be enquiring about soccer in America but unfortunately for Sammy the NASL was closed in 1984 and wouldn't start again, in the guise of Major League Soccer, until 1993. So Sammy's question is redundant even if Lynne was not in charge of the remote.

Lynne is amazed at the amount of channels on American TV and has immediately decided to go through all of them. She has found the shopping channel but this is also redundant as George can only deal in cash when in America. Even if Lynne did find something she liked, she does not have a US credit card so she would not be able to buy it. Let's hope 'Mantha comes in soon and suggests they go to the mall or Disneyworld as these three haven't worked out they are in a different country yet.

Monday, February 15, 2010


Lynne is in the bath. She thinks to herself that she has heard that Tanya's other half took her to the opera last week but he did the wrong thing by staring at the busty soprano. Due to this Tanya spent some of his money at the jewellers.

Lynne is thinking in the bathroom again. This time she has opted for a bath but has neglected to put in enough water. She added the bubble bath and then turned the tap on but perhaps she forgot to turn the immersion tank on this morning and there is a distinct lack of hot water left in the house. Lynne is determined to have a bath but soon realises this is a futile attempt and gets out.

Even if the soprano was busty, it seems a little harsh that Tanya's man would be chastised for looking at her. She was singing an aria so he had little choice but to look at her. However, he may have sought her out after the performance and then stared at her breasts even more.

Tanya has managed to get her other half to give her a lot of money by making him feel guilty. The high notes she has taken are probably £20s and £50s giving Tanya somewhere between £120 and £300, which is enough to buy a ring or necklace. However this particular jewellers she has chosen cannot even spell jewellers on the front of their shop. This could mean one of two things. Either this 'jewelers' is a fake and will sell Tanya a cubic zirconia instead of a diamond for an inflated price or it deals in stolen goods and Tanya will pick up a massive rock for a cut price fee. Either way, it is not a reputable place to spend those high notes.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Lynne is helping an unnamed friend move into her new flat, for which the friend thanks Lynne. Lynne confirms that the reason she is moving is because she is leaving her partner. The friend tells Lynne it was overdue and that the partner, Dave, wouldn't help her do anything. Lynne asks why and the answer is that he was always busy doing nothing.

Lynne's friend is moving to new flat but we are not quite sure whether we are in her new flat or in the house she is moving out of. The fact that she says into my new flat rather than out of my house suggests that this is the new flat. Lynne's job should really be lifting boxes and not finding places for items. That should be left to the occupant as Lynne may have different ideas of exactly where to put that stack of coloured books.

Lynne is helping out and has put herself in charge of lighting. She has grabbed a lamp and then a taller lamp. These items are usually placed in pretty much standard areas of the house and have to be close to plug sockets so it is unlikely that Lynne's choice will be too different to that of her friend. Her friend is starting with the barn from a nativity scene and then moved on to a mirror. By the end she is left with some gauze whereas Lynne has run out of lights. It appears this woman does not have many possessions.

Dave did not help her do anything we hear. But what was it that she wanted to do? If it was colour code her books then she managed that quite well herself. If it was artificial light management then she always had Lynne. It sounds as though she didn't need Dave at all.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


George is out an about with an unnamed friend. He tells him that he and Lynne had an awful row this morning. He continues by telling him that he hates arguing with Lynne but he supposes that if he didn't he'd miss the best part. His friend wants to know what that is and George tells him that it is the making up.

For once George is out an about. He has another friend who isn't Sammy but does have a moustache. They are on their way somewhere but George has to stop off at the flower shop first to get some flowers, presumably to help with his making up with Lynne. The friend may be a little bit annoyed that this row has interrupted their planned afternoon and he will be stuck with George holding some flowers for the rest of their time together.

We have no idea what the argument was about but it was awful. If this episode follows on directly from the previous episode then it may be a row about how Lynne blurts out sentences from nowhere. George would like to know what she means but Lynne is very embarrassed by it all. She clams up and then George starts saying that she never tells him anything. Then Lynne says that if he wasn't spending all his time at the office then he would know a little more about her. George then stormed out.

George likes the making up. When George and Lynne make up they hug near a demolition site. They are so in love that they do not notice a building being demolished right behind them. They are behind the tape so they will not be hurt but they may get a little covered in dust. This building that is being demolished holds significant meaning to George and Lynne as it is the first place they met. Unfortunately now it is gone.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Lynne is in the shower. She thinks to herself that she's heard that Melissa has employed a new gardener. Due to this, Melissa has hardly spent any time in the garden, but neither has her gardener because he is constantly in the house with Melissa.

Lynne does a lot of her thinking in the shower. She enjoys the solitude and the warm water stimulates her brain. On this occasion she is thinking about Melissa's new gardener. Has Melissa employed this gardener because she now simply does not have the time to work on her garden or because the old gardener has had to leave for some reason? He may have got a better job, moved to a different area or perhaps died. He may have quit because Melissa never left him alone.

Melissa and the gardener look like they are just outside a bedroom. This implies that they are having sexual relations. Melissa is wearing a revealing top which implies that she is trying to seduce the gardener. The gardener looks to be pulling away from Melissa and making a face that says “What are you doing woman?” He's got rhodedendrons to cut back. His hair looks slightly ruffled. This may be due to working outside but it could be that this latest tryst has just been completed. He has quickly put his dungarees back on and wants to make a quick exit.

Lynne, although thinking about Melissa and gardener initially, decides to shout the last part of her thought. It is not uncommon for Lynne to do this but at least on this occasion no one is around to hear her. Is this a form of tourette's that she has where she has to blurt out the last part of any thought? It may be the reason why she says so many bad jokes aloud because if she thought them people would be constantly hearing her punchlines. Immediately after this, George shouts up the stairs “Who are you talking to dear?” and Lynne feels very embarrassed.

Monday, February 8, 2010


Lynne is in a library and she tells the librarian that she was very disappointed with the last book she borrowed as she thought it had a poor start, a confused middle and a muddled ending. The librarian says that is just like the story of his life and has a little cry.

Lynne's penchant for reading coupled with her family's strange financial situation has led her to go to the library for her literary fix rather than to a book shop. The books are free and really only available for those who do not work relegating the library to a haven for the old and the poor. These are not the sort of people that Lynne usually associates with.

Lynne is furious about the book she has read and she takes it out on the librarian. We assume he is the librarian because of his age and attire. That said, he could just be an old man who is browsing at the library. Lynne must know who he is; she wouldn't sound off to a member of public, surely. The librarian may have recommended the book to Lynne when she was last in, therefore the direction of her ire is justified.

The librarian has had an unhappy life. His poor start was due to learning difficulties in school which were not picked up thus causing him to do quite badly in exams. His confused middle was down to not coming to terms with his homosexuality, mainly because it was still a taboo in his days and his highly conservative parents would have all but disowned him. His muddled ending is the dementia that has slowly crept into his life. He isn't even the librarian, he just thinks he is. He also repeatedly puts on and takes off clothes just like here where he puts his coat on over his waistcoat for no real reason. The worst thing about it is that he knows it and can't control himself, which is making him cry even more.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


George is at a hotel reception. He asks the receptionist if she can't find his booking. She apologises and says that they are very busy today as a football team has just checked in. George says that he bets the receptionist found their bookings. The receptionist replies that she did and then tells George the team's disciplinary statistics for the season so far.

George is on a business trip. It is likely he has a secretary at work who books his hotels for him so he shouldn't get caught out like the disaster of the last hotel. However now it looks like it's happening all over again as this receptionist is having trouble finding his reservation. In his impatience, George has wandered round to behind the front desk to check the screen which is a hotel reception faux pas. It's a wonder the receptionist doesn't politely but firmly tell him to step back.

George does return to his rightful place so a stare from the receptionist has sufficed but he needs to curb his anger. Now not only has he trespassed behind the desk but now he is quickly losing his temper with the receptionist. To imply that a football team would get preferential treatment is a slur on the name of this establishment. They treat every guest as equal and pride themselves on it.

They do however have a strict policy on which sports teams they allow to stay. It is in their mission statement that they will accept anyone and everyone on the condition that their disciplinary statistics should not surpass the league average by more than 15%. This can be the only explanation as to why the receptionist knows this information. That is of course unless she is an avid football supporter, but if that was the case she would not have referred to them as just 'a football team', but said the name of the team directly. George has now crept back behind the desk and is looking in awe at all the other information that is on the computer screen. He has just seen that Omar Sharif is staying in room 212.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


George and Lynne are at a football match. Lynne asks a fellow supporter which player asked her out to which the woman replies it was the goalkeeper. The woman asks Lynne if she should say yes. Lynne replies that it all depends on whether she wants to end up as just another notch on his goalpost.

George and Lynne are back at the football match. The stewards cannot be expecting any crowd trouble as rival supporters are sitting right next to each other in the same stand. George and Lynne favour this stand when going to the football, as does the man sitting next to George. Last time he was sitting behind them but this time he is sitting in the same row. This shows that season ticket holders do not have their own seat. The man next to George is still favouring wearing a cap, and has also had his ear pierced between the warm weather of the last game and this, which is in mid-winter.

The supporters at this game must be waiting for the results of a last minute pitch inspection. When we see the view from behind Lynne, we can clearly see that the pitch is completely covered with snow. You can't even see the lines. It is a wonder why the referee hasn't already called the game off and saved the fans a cold trip to the stadium. The only explanation must be that the pitch was fit to play but during the last ten minutes of the first half and the half time break there has been an almighty snow storm and the officials are now wondering whether the second half can be played.

What a cad this goalkeeper is. Everytime he sleeps with a woman he puts a notch on his goalpost. This must be the goalpost at the home end of the ground so the faithful can remark on whether he has been successful between the last home game and this. I'm not sure what the groundsman will think of all this, and what is he using to make these notches? Carrying a pen knife on to the field of play is surely against FA rules. And has he done this at every club he has been signed to? He must be an exceptional goalkeeper for managers and chairmen alike to allow such wanton destruction of club equipment.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Lynne is talking to an unnamed friend who tells her that her husband has trouble remembering names, facts and figures. Lynne tells her that George doesn't seem to have that problem. Meanwhile George is thinking about the name, age and body measurements of a woman walking by him.

Lynne and her friend are standing in front of a hedge. They could be in Lynne's garden but you would think that if Lynne had invited this woman round that she would have also offered her a chair. Looking forward to where George is standing, there is a hedge nearby so they could be just to George's right, talking.

Lynne's friend is genuinely concerned about her husband. She says that he has trouble remembering names, facts and figures which is pretty much everything. If something isn't a name, a fact or a figure then what else is there? This woman's husband must now only deal in hearsay and rumour. What appears to the woman as the onset of Alzheimer's is actually a critical case. This man hasn't long left before he can only remember a selection of letters and sounds.

George is standing outside a travel insurance shop which seems to be the best place to leer at passing women. George sees Sally Smith and knows her age and her body measurements. How is he getting this information? There is no internet and even if there was, unless Sally Smith was a model it is unlikely she would put that sort of information on there. George has got this information from one of three ways. One is that he has been following Ms Smith around and from a series of visits to women's stores he has calculated her measurements from the clothes she has bought. The second is that he has a gifted eye for calculating women's body measurements just from looking at them. The third is that he has got the information from Ms Smith herself by masquerading as a professional photographer and hoodwinking her into revealing the statistics on the promise of a photo shoot. Whatever the explanation, George has far too much time on his hands, and is also quite a sinister man.

Monday, February 1, 2010


Lynne and 'Mantha are out shopping. Lynne tells 'Mantha that when she was young she thinks she was very indecisive. 'Mantha asks Lynne if that is still true now she is older to which Lynne replies that she's not so sure.

The shop Lynne and 'Mantha are in is quite empty. That would make this a weekday unless the shop is either very unfashionable or extremely exclusive. Lynne and 'Mantha do seem sometimes to be trying too hard with their outfits so maybe they have no fashion sensibility. That said, they do go to a lot of dinner and garden parties so you would think that they do keep up with trends.

This shop is called Murma. It is an interesting name because it sounds like murmer but is spelt differently thus showing it is hip. The term murmer implies that it gains its reputation from word of mouth. This word of mouth isn't working too well at the moment judging by the amount of shoppers.

After picking up a variety of dresses. Lynne and 'Mantha have opted to just take a couple of bras each. They may be going to the register but they could be going to try them on before purchasing. It is most likely that Murma is a very high end store and although the dresses were nice, they were way out of Lynne and 'Mantha's price range. They do however desperately want to be seen carrying a Murma bag so they went for underwear which is the cheapest item in the shop. Luckily the people on the high street aren't to know what's in their bags so it could look like that they have bought very expensive dresses in the most talked about shop this side of Kingston.