Thursday, February 4, 2010


George is at a hotel reception. He asks the receptionist if she can't find his booking. She apologises and says that they are very busy today as a football team has just checked in. George says that he bets the receptionist found their bookings. The receptionist replies that she did and then tells George the team's disciplinary statistics for the season so far.

George is on a business trip. It is likely he has a secretary at work who books his hotels for him so he shouldn't get caught out like the disaster of the last hotel. However now it looks like it's happening all over again as this receptionist is having trouble finding his reservation. In his impatience, George has wandered round to behind the front desk to check the screen which is a hotel reception faux pas. It's a wonder the receptionist doesn't politely but firmly tell him to step back.

George does return to his rightful place so a stare from the receptionist has sufficed but he needs to curb his anger. Now not only has he trespassed behind the desk but now he is quickly losing his temper with the receptionist. To imply that a football team would get preferential treatment is a slur on the name of this establishment. They treat every guest as equal and pride themselves on it.

They do however have a strict policy on which sports teams they allow to stay. It is in their mission statement that they will accept anyone and everyone on the condition that their disciplinary statistics should not surpass the league average by more than 15%. This can be the only explanation as to why the receptionist knows this information. That is of course unless she is an avid football supporter, but if that was the case she would not have referred to them as just 'a football team', but said the name of the team directly. George has now crept back behind the desk and is looking in awe at all the other information that is on the computer screen. He has just seen that Omar Sharif is staying in room 212.


  1. George is in the midst of a mid life crisis. That quiff might have cut the mustard in the late 50s, George, but this is 1983 now and dressing like Billy Fury's Estate Agent is not going to impress anyone.

    George has a moment of how crushingly, remorselessly time moves on and, consequentially, how out of touch he is when the receptionist shows him the GUI which she has built over the BASIC software underpinning the hotel reservation system which she has built by following the instructions in YOUR SINCLAIR. He can't work out what she's going on about and recoils in almost physical disgust.

    So now we know George hates clever women.

    Lynne is safe, then, for now. But that receptionist is going to have "whose body was never found" appended mentally to her name by those who follow current affairs. A tragedy for her, yes, but also for the British IT industry as her reservation system is 15 years ahead of its time.

    I bet George packs the brylcreme in his executive faux leather briefcase with combination locks every time he has a business trip lined up. Then as soon as he's through the departure lounge he is straight to the toilets to quiff up. The liquids-in-hand-luggage ban can not come soon enough for some. God knows what else is in the briefcase.

  2. You've naively assumed that George was checking in at a hotel. Infact he was visiting the legendary Wimbledon brothel, 'Secrets'. The place has been frequented for years by the Chelsea squad, and the likes of Osgood and Hollins have been known to come down en masse after a particularly big win at the Bridge. Such is the popularity of the place that they became the first knocking shop in London to establish a computer-based reservation system.

    This is yet another indication that Lynne, despite her penchant for skimpy outfits, is not fulfilling all of George's needs in the bedroom. He's only staying with her because her mother's loaded.

  3. This is a clever ruse by George. He has become aware of Lynne's trysts with the goalkeeper mentioned yesterday and has lied to the receptionist about having a reservation. He has now been able to see if the goalkeeper is staying there and, having got his room number, is going to be paying him a visit very shortly.

    Given Peter Shilton's penchant for other men's wives, I suspect that the team may well be Nottingham Forest rather than Chelsea.

  4. What is this, 'No Tits February'? Come on, I've forgotten what Lynne's assets look like.

  5. Now that the injunction has been lifted , we know that John Terry has been carrying on a Chelsea tradition, although he should have confined his shenanigans to Secrets, where discretion is key.

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