SURROGATE

George and Lynne are out and about when George comments that a passing lady with triplets, Sue, has got her figure back after the birth. Lynne tells him that a surrogate carried the babies for her. George asks Lynne what the surrogate got out of it. Lynne replies that she got morning sickness, a bad back and stretch marks.

George must feel pretty embarrassed. He knows Sue, he must do because he knows her by name, yet he has not remembered that she had a surrogate to carry her babies. Did he not know this? Has he seen Sue recently? Perhaps Lynne just told him that Sue was having triplets. George, being a 1970s man, did not ask about Sue because quite frankly he doesn't care. Another one of Lynne's half friends is doing something with her life. All George wants to do is fish and he is subjected to more inane gossip. Now he's just making conversation when he sees her and he finds himself completely out of his depth. Luckily Lynne doesn't get angry. Off the hook this time George.

Lynne seems to think that the surrogate mother was not given any financial compensation for the use of her womb. It must have been a friend who has donated her body out of the goodness of her heart. Either way, Lynne certainly has no desire to have children any time soon as she has only listed the negatives of childbirth. I suspect she also doesn't want to give up the cocktail parties, city breaks and relaxation time. George probably doesn't want Lynne to go through childbirth either, hence him asking about the price of a surrogate. He'll have to find out a different way.

POST

The post comes through the letterbox and Lynne tells George. Moments later, Lynne collects the mail and asks George why she always has to pick it up. George makes out that he doesn't know but it's because he can see his wife's knickers.

Todays post consists of 7 letters. As this is before email, we would expect some of these letters will be actual correspondence with friends. A letter from a friend who no longer lives in the area, a thank you note from Ken for coming to his party, an invite for next year's Barker's Summer Party. One letter has an air of mystery about it. This one is the letter without an address on it, yet it does have a stamp. How did the postman know to deliver it to George and Lynne's? The only explanation would be that the sender address is the same as another going to George and Lynne's that day. Maybe it was Sammy and 'Mantha's invite to the Barker's Summer Party. They made such an impression that they have been invited again, but the Barkers did not know their address. Why they didn't just phone George to find out their address, I don't know.

George wants to look at his wife's bum. This is a woman who seldom wears clothes so why he is grasping at straws to find ways to see her in compromising positions. This is similar to the barge incident. It must be a ritual that he can't let go of. Ever since they were first together, George has always looked at Lynne's bum when she bent down to pick up the post and he just can't let it go. Either that or he had a bad experience with a letter with no address before. He once opened it to find it was an envelope full of razor blades from a disgruntled postman. The postman should know that he should have written an address on the envelope in order to cover his tracks. But maybe his handwriting is so unique that it would have given him away.

SWEET MUSIC

An unnamed woman is flirting with George who is looking at the engine of his car. She says that she and George could make sweet music together. George tells her that he is married. The woman continues and asks George what his wife has that she doesn't. George tells her his wife has a bucket of water just as Lynne pops out of the window and drenches the woman.

This woman certainly has a lot of confidence. She's just wandered past and decided to come onto George. There is a time and a place for flirting and it is not when a man is pretending to understand engines. He is looking for the input of men here. Or perhaps she really is a musician and she thinks George is too. Does she think he has the hands of a harpist? The fingers of a flautist? Whichever it is, she is right to distract him. If those hands are as delicate as she thinks they are, they have no place under a bonnet. This could be a concert career ruined before it starts.

George is asked what Lynne has that this woman doesn't. An obvious answer would be his wedding ring. Whatever it is that George thinks that Lynne has that's so unique it certainly isn't underwear, well not today anyway. No, of all the things that George picks as Lynne's unique selling point is a bucket of water. If that is the only thing he can think of then it is probably him that the bucket of water is meant for. She was idly mopping the bathroom when she overheard this conversation. Upon hearing that George thinks that she is the same as any other tuppenny tramp but with bucket, she promptly aims the water at her husband. The woman however has just moved into position for her third offensive, probably involving complimenting George on his garden, when she is inadvertently drenched. How is the woman going to explain to her orchestra group that she has not only failed to recruit the man they believe to be the saviour of classical music but that she also is soaked to the skin?

SECOND PRIZE

George and Lynne are checking into a hotel. The receptionist welcomes them and George confirms their reservation by saying that they won second prize in this very hotel. The receptionist asks what the first prize was. Lynne replies that it was only one night in this hotel in which there are cobwebs and an asleep porter.

A simple 'I'm George, I believe we have a reservation' would have sufficed. To which the receptionist might have replied 'Oh our competition winners, how lovely to see you.' But maybe it wouldn't have sufficed as reservations are usually made in the surname. Although George and Lynne's surname still remains a mystery it is sometimes common place for couples to book a romantic retreat in a fake name in order to spice up the weekend. This may not have been on George's mind when he entered the competition in the local paper or a local raffle.

This hotel should know that they have offered up prizes in a competition. This receptionist may not be the proprietor, although it is usually the case with small hotels that the receptionist does own the hotel, but the hotel is a little silly to offer up two prizes in a raffle and have the one night stay as the first prize. It is not really the right way to drum up business. Unless of course the organisers of the raffle knew how bad the hotel was and decided to switch the prizes so the winners would only have to spend one night. If that was the case the other prizes must have been pretty poor. Wouldn't the free cut and blow dry have been a better prize? We can only imagine the third prize must have been a broken record player.

To be fair, the hotel does look pretty run down. There are cobwebs everywhere. The hotel really should clean those, especially as they know they are expecting at least two guests this weekend. The porter is asleep and what looks like the lift is out of order. This hotel should be ashamed of themselves. But I suppose it's a vicious circle. They can't the guests in because the hotel is in a state and they can't sort the hotel out because they don't have any money from guests. That said, a feather duster and a cup of coffee for the porter doesn't cost much.

HOBBY

Lynne is at the swimming pool with an unnamed friend. She comments to her friend that she thinks George needs a hobby. The friend says that her art class is popular. Lynne is interested so asks her what she teaches, to which the woman replies body painting with her as a subject. Back home Lynne tells George his hobby will be stamp collecting. George is unhappy at Lynne for this decision.

Whose decision is it that George needs a hobby? I would say it is Lynne's as she is constantly seeing him lazing around the garden with a short drink. It's obviously not gardening that he wants to do so I suppose Lynne has given him some sort of ultimatum; get a hobby or do the gardening. For some reason George can't come up with a hobby himself. What were his previous ideas? Speedway? Parkour?

George, whose jaundice is subsiding, was so excited about the idea of art that he bought one of those special tables and lights that designers use. Now it's being used for something as dull as stamp collecting. He's obviously not excited about philately, however after a very short period he has amounted a generous collection. Perhaps he stopped off at the post office for a couple of limited edition display packs to get him going.

So what is body painting? It could be just painting pictures of bodies but isn't that called life class? It's without doubt that this woman will be nude in this class, but body painting sounds like that the students will be putting paint on bodies. Whether she shows them how it's done on her and then the students paint themselves or they just put paint on her body is still undecided. Either way Lynne is right to stop it but she could have thought of something a bit more adventurous. Cliff diving? Snake wrestling?

TWO

Lynne arrives at Ken's party in a revealing dress and promptly thanks him for the invite. Ken tells Lynne that he is glad the two of them could come. Lynne is confused and explains to Ken that George isn't here as George has had to work late. Ken says that he wasn't exactly talking about George whilst looking at Lynne's cleavage.

This must be a Friday. George is working late so he has been to work today rather than having to go into to work as he may do on a Saturday. Ken has organised a very lavish cocktail party, not something he could do for a weekend as it would be quite difficult to ask his friends to get dressed up on a week night.

Lynne has arrived in a very posh dress carrying a bottle of wine. As Ken has invited Lynne specifically to stare at her breasts he had to orchestrate that she would wear something revealing. It is either the cocktail party we mentioned earlier, or Ken has organised some sort of James Bond themed murder mystery evening. He's also had to invite a lot of other friends just for a glimpse of cleavage. Let's hope he actually likes them as it will be quite a dull evening for him if he has to put up with mere acquaintances just because Lynne is showing chest.

Now, is George actually going to turn up? He's working late that's for sure but how late? Has a new case just come in? Has the deadline he's got to meet run into some complications? It all depends when he gets out. He can't turn up at Ken's looking all disheveled after a hard day in the office. He'll have to go home, freshen up and then change into his dinner jacket. Surely after a hard day at the office, all he'll want to do is relax in his loose fitting pyjamas. Then again he may want to unwind with a couple of pints with Sammy. Either way he won't want to drive across town to a stuffy cocktail party hosted by a man who has an obvious crush on his wife. Let him have his fix; it's George who'll be getting the private viewing later on.

SEE THROUGH

George and Lynne are out and see a lady getting undressed through a window. George comments that she might not know the curtains are see through and that someone should tell her. Later, whilst getting ready for bed herself, Lynne comments that she thinks the lady does it deliberately and that she wouldn't dream of doing anything like that, even though she is wearing a sheer night dress.

George's comment certainly sticks in Lynne's mind. They could just be going out to, or perhaps coming back from an evening out. By George's attire we'll say that it's a cinema evening. During this time Lynne has been thinking about the undressing lady. If they were just leaving in the first pane then it must have ruined her enjoyment of the film. She was constantly nudging George trying to tell him that she must do it deliberately, with George shushing her. The other people also got annoyed with Lynne's whispering and Terms Of Endearment was actually ruined for a few.

Now they are home, Lynne has remembered because she could have easily mentioned it to George in the car home. George was probably waxing lyrical about Shirley MacLaine's performance. He was right to as it was Oscar winning. George also predicted Oscar wins for Sally Field and Meryl Streep but wasn't impressed by Diane Keaton. This last one may be because he 'doesn't get Woody Allen.'

George, basking in his ability to pick Best Actress nominees, has donned some rather fetching pyjamas. The jacket of these pyjamas doesn't have any buttons though so it must be some sort of dressing gown. I can only assume Lynne bought these for George. He's not a man who would take time over a pyjama purchase. Maybe that means he did buy them himself. It was only when he got home did he realise that the jacket had no buttons. In his stubbornness he has decided against returning them and now wears the dressing gown top for pre bed conversation but discards it just before he falls asleep, thus keeping him cool in the nighttime without the uncomfortable feeling of a dressing gown pyjama jacket riding up around his back. He will have to reconsider this night garment when winter sets in as he could get rather chilly.