MURDER MYSTERY WEEKEND

Lynne is out and about with an unnamed friend. The woman tells Lynne that her and Hugh really enjoyed that hotel's murder mystery weekend. Lynne ponders booking her and George in to the next one. Her friend approves telling Lynne that Hugh played the part of a murderer. Lynne says that she supposes it was a case of Hugh-dunnit.

Lynne's friend points out the hotel in which she enjoyed a murder mystery weekend but fails to mention the name of the hotel. The name is also obscured so it still remains unknown. Does this hotel not like any advertisement? Surely that hotel would like it if Lynne's friend mentioned the name of the hotel when saying how much she enjoyed her time there so that passers-by would know which hotel to go to for a good evening. If there is another hotel right next door, members of the public will get very confused and the better of the two hotels may lose valuable business.

Lynne's friend may not mention the name of the hotel but she does continue to mention the name of her partner for the evening, Hugh. It would seem that although she had a good time at the hotel, Hugh owns his own hotel called 'Hugh's' and is eager for business. The lady, either Hugh's business or romantic partner, is hoping that by saying Hugh a lot but mentioning a good time in a hotel that eavesdroppers will put those together and book a weekend in 'Hugh's'. Unfortunately, because it has a lavish colour scheme inside, the hotel that hosted the murder mystery weekend is called Hues.

ACCOUNTANT

George and Lynne are at a party. Lynne notices their accountant who she didn't know would be at this party. George didn't know this either but points out that their accountant seems to be enjoying himself. He then adds that he always had a good eye for figures.

The party that George and Lynne are attending appears to be a very extravagant affair as the host has asked the men to wear dinner suits and the women to wear cocktail dresses. However it is light outside and the only party decorations seem to be balloons. The host of this party has decided to go for a themed affair of cocktail party meets children's birthday party. Alternatively the host could be combining his or her party with that of their young child. It starts at 4pm with jelly and ice cream and ends at 2am with charades and Amaretto.

George and Lynne have their own accountant but are oblivious to the fact that he moves in the same social circles as them. Are they surprised that they have mutual friends or that he goes out at all, or worried that he will see that they hang in far higher echelons of society than their tax returns make out?

The accountant has the style of Martin Scorcese and is definitely a hit with these two ladies. Whether he is regaling them with accountancy anecdotes or just offering his services we do not know. Lynne does not look happy with George after his attempt at a joke. This is either because she does not find it funny, she was hoping to tell the same joke herself or that the circles that their accountant is moving in are highly suspicious as this is be the party of a successful but shady local businessman. Time to get a new accountant.

AIR TRAVEL

Lynne is talking to the vicar. She asks him what the church's view is on air travel. The vicar replies that if God had meant people to fly He would have given them frequent flyer mileage.

Lynne is outside the church and notices a plane. The plane looks as though it is taking off and is very low. So low in fact that Lynne and the vicar must be shouting to each other. This means that the vicar must have some sort of public address system inside his church as those planes could be going over at any time.

The confusing thing here is you have to wonder why, considering she lives in Wimbledon, is Lynne visiting a church in Hounslow. Maybe she used to live in Hounslow and still regards the vicar highly. It is sensible to think that once George started bringing some money in, they decided to move away from the Heathrow flight path so to have a somewhat quieter life. Little did they know how frenetic life in Wimbledon would be.

The vicar must be making a joke but does this mean he doesn't fly? It may be that he is covering up his fear of flying by trying to make light of it. The truth is he is terrified of getting in an aeroplane and it haunts his dreams. It has also held him back in his religious career, having made him miss out on many ministerial conferences in Europe. How ironic then that his church is under the flight path.

FORE

George and Lynne are playing golf. George says to Lynne that he saw that Lady Blunderton attacked Lord Blunderton's Rolls Royce with a golf club. Lynne says she did hear this and adds that she gave him what for.

George needs to concentrate harder when playing golf. By telling a story during his own swing he has completely mis-hit his shot. He's only just caught the top of the ball and it is barely going 20 yards down the fairway. However it was the best he could do as he is using a low iron to get out of the semi rough. Getting on the fairway was his priority and he's done that.

Lynne is pulling the golf bag so it could be that she isn't even playing, but just getting a feel of the course before she starts this new hobby. George is the sort of man who would tell his wife to 'watch how it's done.' Lynne is wearing golf gloves though. She is either trying them out for size or practicing her magic tricks.

When Lynne tells her joke at the end she can barely get the words out with her own laughing. Look at the way she is patting her chest. She truly believes this is the best joke she has ever told. She is about to bend over, laughing to herself and slapping her own thigh in hilarity. George doesn't get the joke because the word Lynne has said, 'fore', sounds exactly the same as the word that George would expect to hear, 'for.' So George is merely laughing at the expense of Lord Blunderton, who now not only has an expensive car to repair, but also a marriage. He is also happy that Lynne is not concentrating on his disastrous approach shot.

TABLE FOR TWO

George and Lynne are at a restaurant. George asks the waiter for a table for two. The waiter seats Lynne and then sits down next to her and kisses her hand. Lynne says to George that he didn't say which two the table was for.

This must be a very fancy restaurant. Not only are the waiters all wearing tuxedos but all the male clientele are also sporting bow ties. It appears that the dress code is 'male guests must wear a bow tie.'

After seeing what happens next, this is certainly not a fancy restaurant. What sort of self-respecting establishment would allow its staff to behave in such a manner. Not only has one waiter started attempting to court a customer, in full view of her dinner partner no less, but another waiter is egging him on, in a passive silent way of course. It looks as though the only thing that is stopping the waiter in the background from shouting 'Go on my son!' is the fact he has to pick up some half eaten prawn cocktails from table 4.

Who is more to blame in this episode? The waiter for his rude but audacious behaviour or Lynne for allowing to happen. Perhaps George should blame himself for instead of being angry and demanding to see the manager, he is merely perplexed at the scene. This is the waiter's way of telling him that he is fooling no one by wearing a bow tie with his office suit.

FIRST CLASS

George and Lynne are in line at the train station. The woman at the front asks for two tickets to Edinburgh. The man behind the counter asks her if she wants first or second class. The woman tells him that she has always been first class but it is her husband who has never had any class at all. Her husband pulls a silly face.

There is an awfully long line at the ticket office and the man behind the counter is wasting people's time by asking them if they want first or second class. You would think that if someone wanted a first class ticket they would specifically ask for it as the correct term for second class is standard class. There must be a special bank holiday offer on for a reduced first class ticket if you buy one, perhaps something like buy a first class ticket and get a second for the price of a second class ticket. The man behind the counter is about to explain the offer but the woman cuts in. The reason the queue is so long is because he has had to explain the offer to everyone.

The woman deserved the face that her husband pulled. If she had just turned to him and said “Shall we go first class?” they may have had a normal conversation about the standard of seat they wanted. No, the woman takes this as an opportunity to ridicule her husband in front of a group of strangers. His thoughts are “If she thinks I've got no class, I'll show her no class. Watch this!” We suspect this has been going on for quite some time. She may of course be referring to his attire. These two are on their way to the woman's great aunt's funeral in Edinburgh. She has decided on a black dress with pearls to show she is in mourning but she also retain some class. He however has decided to wear a white shirt, green jacket and a flowery scarf. If that isn't bad enough he has tied his tie around the collar of his jacket, not his shirt. He does indeed look foolish.

BELL RINGERS

Lynne is talking the vicar who tells her that the church bell ringers have started a monthly book club. Lynne asks him which book they are reading this month and he tells her it is of course For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Lynne is back in the church talking to the vicar. The last time we saw him he was straight faced and wearing a more formal vicar outfit which suggests she had barged in just before a service. This time he is wearing his more usual vicar garb so it as an average church day. Lynne has popped in either to help with the flowers or to steal them. The fact that she is holding them over a table initially and then away from the altar later shows that she is indeed stealing the flowers and makes conversation with the vicar to distract him.

Even though the vicar tells Lynne that the bell ringers have started, Lynne asks him which book they are reading this month, rather than which book they are starting with. Essentially it is the same question but it shows that lynne has her mind firmly on getting those flowers out as quickly as possible. The vicar should have spotted her mistake and realised something was amiss.

The vicar does not realise however and is happy to fulfill Lynne's enquiry. He tells her it is For Whom The Bell Tolls of course. He says of course because he thought he'd mentioned it was an Ernest Hemingway book club. Last month they read The Old Man And The Sea and next month they are planning on reading A Farewell To Arms. They wanted to start with something light and felt that to start with a book over 400 pages was a bit adventurous. They enjoyed The Old Man And The Sea so much that they decided to jump straight to the relatively large For Whom The Bell Tolls rather than slighter The Sun Also Rises. By month four they will be bored of Hemingway and move on to Beat novels of Kerouac and Burroughs.