JACUZZI

Lynne is at an unnamed friend's house. She comments that having a jacuzzi in the garden is the height of luxury. Lynne's friend explains that her new sugar daddy paid for it. Lynne tells her to make sure she keeps him sweet.

Lynne is right, jacuzzis are very expensive. Although putting one in the garden does scream good taste, it also suggests that the friend does not have the space to put it inside her house. However a closer look shows that it isn't just that the jacuzzi has been plopped down anywhere in the garden, it has been recessed into the patio which shows that it is a professional job. And a fantastic addition to a great looking garden – just look at the greenery, awning and decking.

A third look at the jacuzzi shows that it is very shallow. So even though it has been built into the patio, it seems that the concrete foundations were too much for the builders and they could only dig so far. So instead of the lap of luxury, we have a paddling pool with bubbles. The friend is trying to cover up this oversight by telling Lynne about some new boyfriend with a lot of money. It would have been better if the boyfriend had oversaw the whole construction, rather than just give this woman the money as she has employed cowboys.

By the end of this little saga, Lynne has had enough. She can't get comfortable in two inches of lukewarm bubbly water and her back is now killing her. She leans forward in pain to try and get out but her shoulder locks. It's a sad end to what started as an exciting day. However we can assume that when she arrived at her friend's house she did not expect to be sitting in a jacuzzi. If she had, I would have expected her to have brought her bikini top. But the friend also has no top on, which suggest she is either an extrovert, going topless to make Lynne stand out less or has no bikini herself. If it is the latter then the builders must only have finished this morning. With that news, this may be the first time this jacuzzi has been tested, and the shallowness of it is as much as a shock to the friend as it is to Lynne.

SALE

George and Lynne are out shopping. Lynne brings a sale to the attention of George. George tells Lynne that he might be able to pick up a bargain for her. Lynne calls George a cheapskate.

George has been putting up a fight against Lynne's shopping trip this time. He has been telling Lynne in no uncertain terms that he is desperately low on money and that they have to cut down their outgoings. Lynne knows she has to persuade him somehow that this shopping trip is worthwhile. Luckily she spots a sale and can lure George into this shop.

George agrees that this sale may be worthwhile. There is up to 70% off on some items and some women are already trying to find the bargains. To the untrained eye, it would appear that Lynne is a bit of a hypocrite. She has shown George the sale but called him a cheapskate for wanting to find a bargain. But Lynne is an experienced shopped. She knows that any item worth its salt will not be on sale. She is hoping to lure George in to the sale and then find something brand new and claim that it is in the sale. Having George wanting to buy an items for her himself is ruining her plan. Not only will George not be spending the amount of money that Lynne thinks he should, but she is also more likely to get some shoddy merchandise. If there's one thing George should know is let Lynne buy her only clothes. She usually takes anything back that George buys her and she knows that items on sale are usually non-refundable. A bad day for Lynne.

HOLIDAY BUSINESS

Lynne is in a travel agents and asks the proprietor how the holiday business is. The man replies that it is very slow. Just then he has an idea how to attract new customers. Lynne is then posing in the window. George asks when he will get his wife back, to which the man replies at the end of the summer.

On a normal trip into town, Lynne has ended up inside a travel agents. It would seem she has no intention of booking a holiday so we can assume that she knows this man. She also feels the need to name his business the 'holiday business'. This would imply that this man has one or many other businesses that Lynne could have been enquiring about. These other businesses must be able to look after themselves, with the help of some skilled managers of course, but it is the holiday business that needs this man's undivided attention at the moment.

The man's head shakes uncontrollably when he has his idea. It's so simple, he thought to himself, why didn't I think of it beforehand? His idea, of course, is to put an attractive woman, in this case Lynne, in his window to attract more holiday goers. This would mean that business was so slow that no attractive women at all have come into his shop recently. It's been old men going on walking holidays which quite frankly are not very lucrative to a travel agent.

So Lynne is in the window, flaunting her body to help a needy travel agent. It is certainly working, as there are at least 6 men who are interested in booking a holiday now. The strapline must be something along the lines of 'You could meet a woman like this on holiday.' George asks when he is getting his wife back. Lynne finally has a job! Let's just hope she's actually getting paid for this. She will be working until the end of the summer, which is sometime in the middle of September. Will she have to be in that window all the time with only a cocktail? George needn't worry too much. He'll be at work during the week and there is certainly no trading on Sundays in the 80s so it's only Saturdays he'll miss her. Use that time, George, to go to football matches, fishing or doing those odd jobs you like doing. And be thankful for the extra income.

SHOPPING OR FOOTBALL

George and Lynne are having an argument. George likes football but Lynne likes shopping. During the argument Lynne tricks George into saying he likes shopping. Due to his confusion, he agrees to take Lynne shopping and curses himself for falling for Lynne's trick again.

George likes football. He either wants to stay in and watch it on the television or wants to go to the match, which they have done together before. If he and Lynne are season ticket holders, then you would assume that they would not want to waste the money they have spent on the season tickets. Every home game should be in the diary otherwise that is money not well spent. Lynne clearly has not remembered this and is adamant that shopping is more important today.

This is one long argument; during the time from the start to the actual trip to the shops, George changes his clothes twice. At the beginning he is wearing a red shirt and then promptly changes into a white shirt. At the shops he is wearing a more jaunty polo-neck and jacket. Lynne on the other hand wears the same purple top throughout, although the one she is wearing to the shops looks a little different. Perhaps she thinks that purple is her lucky colour and she might pick up some bargains if she wears the same colour that she won an argument in. Lynne is extremely superstitious and will have to wear the same colour for the action as the colour she wore when she first had the idea for the action.

Lynne has played this trick on George before. The reason George keeps falling for it is that he isn't very bright. He assumes that the word shopping should always follow the word football. If he was paying attention during the argument, or if he really wanted to go to the football, he wouldn't have made that mistake. Subconciously, George doesn't even like football.

FARMER TED

Lynne and 'Mantha are on a hike. They pass Farmer Ted and ask him how he is. Ted replies that he's OK but he had to sack the new guy for falling asleep on the job. Ted goes on to tell the ladies that the new guy protested it wasn't his fault. 'Mantha is confused and asks why, to which Ted replies that the new guy said he was counting sheep.

It's always good to see that even though she is out hiking 'Mantha insists on wearing her trademark earrings which match her top. Both women have opted for hotpants which, although give a lot of air to the legs, might end up chafing that upper thigh area. 'Mantha and Lynne aren't strangers to hiking so a trip to the local outdoor sports shop should be in order.

You have to wonder whether Farmer Ted enjoys being known as Farmer Ted. He must be the only farmer around, or there is another prominent Ted in the community who has a different profession. A fireman perhaps. There will be an occasion in the future where someone will refer to Ted as Farmer Ted and he will snap. Not in a vehement way mind you as Ted is a mild man. More in the manner of telling the unsuspecting person that farming does not define him and he has many other hobbies such as upholstery and progressive rock. Also he will say that he didn't always want to become a farmer and his true passion lies in beekeeping.

Farmer Ted is a hard task master. Did he give this new guy a formal warning? Can he afford to give up an apprentice? Farmer Ted isn't a young man and will need someone to take over the farm once he no longer can, especially as his good for nothing son has gone into banking or insurance. Farmer Ted must have young men queuing round the block to be a farming apprentices. Finally, Farmer Ted is a hypocrite. He has asked the new guy to make sure that when the sheep come back in from the field there aren't any missing. How else is he going to do this? He simply has to count the sheep. Farmer Ted is one step away from a discrimination writ for firing a man with narcolepsy.

NEW MODELS

Lynne is looking out the window and asks George where he is going as he and Sammy are getting into a car. George tells her he and Sammy are going to the car showroom as they apparently have got some new models in. It turns out that George wasn't just talking about cars as the car showroom has some women models in it wearing only bikinis.

George has finally done some damage to his car due to all that unnecessary tinkering he has been doing under the bonnet, so it's time to invest in a new one. That car is a different colour to George's car, so perhaps it is Sammy's. Sammy has driven to George's but is now too drunk to drive to the car showroom, so George has had to drive them both, even though he is not insured. It's risky, but less risky than letting Sammy drive.

In the time it has taken George and Sammy to get into the car, Lynne has decided to put on a white dress over her red underwear. She realised she had the time when George said that he'll need a minute to get Sammy's seatbelt on as he can't do it himself. George starts the engine, pulls away and then calls up to Lynne to tell her where they are going. Certainly enough time to slip on a dress. Either George is being vague to throw Lynne off the real reason for their trip or there is only one car showroom in the area. If there is an emergency, Lynne will know exactly where to get hold of George.

The fact that George continues his sentence only when they get to the car showroom suggests that Sammy has been asleep for the whole journey. Sleeping off his drunken state might mean he will be fit to drive home, but let's not risk it. It also seems that George didn't know that there would be female models there and it is a nice surprise. It could be that it was Sammy's idea to go to the showroom but George rarely believes anything Sammy says as he usually heard it from some bloke down the pub. This time it has paid off to listen to Sammy. He was right about the models and now he and George can spend the morning looking at cars and women. It just a shame that the local pervert has also had the same idea and is standing next to Sammy, leering and dribbling.

NECKLACE

Lynne returns from a party to find George watching television. George asks how the party was. Lynne replies that her necklace broke and the pearls went down her cleavage. George asks how she got them out. Lynne replies that she got help from Bob, Ken, Roy, Sid and Tom.

First things first, this is the same party that Lynne went to on her own from before. The host was Ken, who invited Lynne so he could look at her boobs. Lynne was wearing a necklace, and now she isn't. George couldn't make it because he was working late and he got back too late to go to the party so has decided to put on an old t-shirt and watch TV. He knew Lynne had gone to the party so naturally asks her how it was, to see if he missed anything. It seems he missed quite a lot.

Lynne was in a flirty mood by turning up to that party on her own and, as we have also learned, she had been drinking before she arrived. The necklace broke because she asked every man to have a look at it; a close look. Somebody slipped and pulled the necklace off but it was a cheap one from Argos and was bound to break sooner or later. To be honest, the pearls couldn't have really gone down her cleavage when you look at that dress. There's nowhere for them to go. They must have fallen down her dress which means it was the naval area that they were stuck in.

The scene culminates in 5 dribbling middle-aged men fishing out mock pearls from a drunk woman's dress. The wives of those men would have looked on horrified. It now makes sense that the women here are in fact the wives of those men. All in all, it was a good party for Ken. Lynne came alone, wore a revealing a dress and he got closer to her chest than he could've possibly imagined.

LUNCH

Lynne and Samantha are having lunch. Lynne informs Samantha that she will be paying for lunch, to which she thanks Lynne. Samantha finds a hair in her salad and tells the waiter, who in turn informs them that their lunch will now be free. A waitress then accidently throws salad over the ladies.

This is 'Mantha who is with Lynne, but Lynne is now calling her Sam. Perhaps Samantha, let's just call her by her full name, has grown tired of the 'Mantha moniker and now prefers a more grown up version of her name. Either that or it is Lynne who has grown tired of the difficult to pronounce 'Mantha and has decided to slip in 'Sam' in the hope it will catch on. No doubt she was called 'Mantha to stop the confusion between her and her husband when somebody would call Sam and they would both turn around. Soon after they met they decided to be Sammy and 'Mantha rather than Sam and Sam. Now Sammy is not present, Lynne is no longer faced with an ensuing confusion, so calls her Sam.

Lynne and Sam, no I can't get used to it either, are going salad crazy. The starter they have chosen certainly looks like a green salad and then the waiter arrives with what look like another two salads. Has 'Mantha found a hair in her original salad? Are those two salads for the ladies? 'Mantha must have very good eyesight to spot a hair from that distance. She must have attracted the waiter's attention when he was delivering the unconnected salads. He is the head waiter and has the authority to offer up free lunches without consultation with the management.

It looks like the meals that accidently get thrown on Lynne and 'Mantha are also salads. They also look similar to the two salads that the head waiter has. Maybe they were their salads after all and the waiter was taking them away. The waitress brings back fresh salads which then go over them. Whichever way we look at it, Lynne and 'Mantha are covered in salad and the man at the next table is quite amused by it all. He thinks that they were lucky to get a free lunch and feels a little schadenfreude at this, the second salad incident.

HOLE IN ONE

Lynne is ironing when George enters with his golf clubs. Lynne asks him how golf was to which George replies that he got a hole in one. George is very happy and decides he and Lynne should celebrate upstairs. An hour later, George finds a hole in his shirt because Lynne has left the iron on it.

George must be quite good at golf. It's not easy to get a hole in one and he is right to be happy about his round. What he shouldn't be happy about is that he has come back to find that Lynne still hasn't got dressed. He left before lunch with Lynne promising to do the ironing, and he returns a few hours later to find her on the first shirt.

The iron has been placed on the shirt so it is obvious that that shirt will soon be ruined. What is baffling here is that Lynne has the iron in her hand and then places it hot part down on the shirt when George grabs her. It's not like she was mid iron and was then quickly snatched away. She should know that when you place an iron down when you are not using it you should place it upright. If she does not know this, and George knows that she does not know this, then George should never have left her alone in the house with the cupboard unlocked. The whole house could have be burned to the ground.

Luckily, whatever happened upstairs only lasted an hour. It was just enough time to burn a perfect iron shaped hole in George's shirt but no more. George is understandably annoyed but he can only blame himself. He is the one that dragged Lynne upstairs and didn't check the position of the iron. He looks through the hole to make his point but Lynne knows she is blameless. George should stop looking at Lynne and turn around and maybe he'd notice that smoke is still coming from the iron. He no doubt placed the iron back on the ironing board in the wrong position again. So that's one shirt and and one ironing board cover he'll need to replace.

RICH SINGLE MEN

Lynne is at the beach with an unnamed friend. The friend asks Lynne if there are any rich single men on holiday where they are. Lynne tells her that there are loads and points out that there are some in a helicopter which is flying out to sea. The friend says that she must attract their attention and does so by waving a small flag bearing the message 'Sexy and Single'. The helicopter turns round and Lynne is surprised at how much courting has changed since her day.

Lynne is on another holiday. We can't be sure if this friend is a new holiday friend or an old friend. From the woman's question it would seem that she is a new holiday friend who Lynne met either at a bar last night or whilst sunbathing. If she knew her before, then the friend's agenda for coming on holiday would have been discussed before.

Lynne must be assuming that there are single men inside that helicopter. Perhaps she is quite bored of this woman's incessant need for rich single men as it was all she spoke about when they met in the bar last night. Lynne was fine with it then as they were both a bit tipsy but now it's wearing a bit thin. Lynne just decided to point in the general direction of a helicopter and a yacht. The woman doesn't realise Lynne is being condescending and actually tries to attract the attention of either a helicopter or a yacht which are both quite a long way away.

Do helicopters have rear view mirrors? Whoever is flying that helicopter is moving away from the beach but still manages to not only see a sign behind them, but also a small sign. If that wasn't miraculous enough, they manage to see a small sign behind them with the words printed on the other side! Those words must be either written on both sides or written in extremely thick letters. It now all makes sense; the helicopter does have a rear view mirror which luckily reversed the words which have leaked through to the other side of the sign. Where the friend got the sign from, that's another story altogether.

WEDDING VOWS

Lynne is out roller-blading. She uses this alone time to think about some things. On this particular occasion she thinks about Mr and Mrs Warboys who have recently renewed their wedding vows. She heard from someone else that they had a ceremony to do it but it ended badly. It turned out that Mrs Warboys vowed not to marry Mr Warboys.

Lynne has only recently taken up roller-blading as she seems very shaky. You would think that she would practice a bit before heading out on to the high street. Having an accident in full view of the public would be a little embarrassing for her, but full credit, she has gone out anyway. She is not fooling herself though and has made the necessary purchases of safety equipment.

You have to wonder what triggers these thoughts. Does the woman in the designer sunglasses remind her of Mrs Warboys? Did Mrs Warboys also rollerblade? What seems strange is that Lynne is fascinated by the lives of the Warboys without actually knowing their first names. This must have been the only thing that happened this week for it to occupy Lynne's mind. No other mildly controversial event at all. That said, if there were a lot of people at this ceremony and Mrs Warboys publicly asked for a divorce then it might have been big news.

Well done to Lynne. After just a short time roller-blading she has lost the shakes in her arms. She's not moving as smoothly as she'd like, but she's getting there.

CLEANING LADY

Lynne is at 'Mantha's house and they are both cleaning in their underwear. Lynne asks for confirmation that 'Mantha's cleaning lady has suddenly quit. 'Mantha does confirm this and adds that the cleaning lady may have won the lottery. Lynne asks if the cleaning lady cleaned up, but in a rhetorical way.

'Mantha is in a panic. Her cleaning lady, from out of nowhere, quit her job and there is dust everywhere. She has got no choice but to call Lynne for support. 'Mantha knows what a vacuum cleaner is, she's seen one and she's seen someone use one but she has no idea how to use it herself. Lynne isn't sure either but she has come round armed with a feather duster ready for action.

Lynne and 'Mantha are in their underwear. There is a perfectly rational explanation for this. The vacuum cleaner is a tricky piece of machinery and both Lynne and 'Mantha are completely bemused by it. They have looked all over it and cannot understand how it works. They have turned it upside down and are sticking their fingers in it. Just then, Lynne decides that the three pronged thing should go in the thing in the wall that has three holes. The vacuum cleaner whirrs into action and 'Mantha's long sleeved chiffon dress gets caught and sucked into the machine. Lynne is so shocked that she runs over and knocks into the vacuum cleaner, turning it off. 'Mantha stands up and also knocks the vacuum cleaner, this time turning it on and then sucking Lynne's floaty dress into it. They are both now without dresses but at least they know how the vacuum cleaner turns on.

Of course this is only one explanation. The other is that the cleaning lady also did 'Mantha's laundry. 'Mantha has had a busy week and is clean out (no pun intended) of clothes, so after she hoovers the living room she'll try and work out how to use the washing machine. Lynne has arrived and thinks this is a new fashion as she knows that 'Mantha always keeps up with the latest trends and promptly strips off. Now it's just two fashionable ladies cleaning a house.

PINBALL

Lynne is at an amusement arcade and is playing a pinball machine. She proclaims to herself that she is a pinball wizard. Her game finishes and she is upset that she has no more change. Four men appear to offer her the 10p she needs and Lynne wonders why this always seems to happen when she plays pinball.

Lynne must be on the coast, perhaps on a pier. Yes, there may be an amusement arcade in her local town but surely even Lynne wouldn't wear that outfit for a trip into town. She must be on holiday. This is either a new weekend away or the same one when she's gone to meet a friend. It's more likely that she has been sent in there to amuse (hence the name of the establishment) herself while George takes a good half hour at the Lifeboat museum.

The issue here is where Lynne would put her change if she was not out of it. That outfit does not look like it has pockets so she would have to carry around a pile of 10ps. The likely explanation is that before her and George parted ways, he gave her a crisp £1 note to go and spend. She changed it with the proprieter and then stacked up the money on the top of the pinball ready to play. Pocket crisis averted.

On first glance, we may think that Lynne is only playing the pinball machine on the back of recently seeing, or hearing, Tommy. With the album being released in 1969, it most probably the film that Lynne has recently seen, perhaps on video as the film was released in 1975. She has it fresh in her mind and wanted to play pinball to see if she was, like the deaf, dumb and blind kid, a pinball wizard and then she could say the phrase, thus proving to the people in the vicinity that she was both into popular music and film and good at recreational activities. However she has drawn up quite a crowd and these men are desperate for her to play again to see if she can beat the high score. She's that good, thus implying that she has been playing for a while now. It now seems it was the initial album that introduced her to pinball machines and she has quite the knack. Perversely, Lynne is not really a big Who fan and shunned the next offering of Who's Next. She prefers soul music.

CARS

George is working on his car when Lynne asks him why men are so interested in cars. George deflects this question by asking Lynne why women are so interested in shopping. Lynne suggests combining their interests by telling George to drive her to the shops. George sighs.

There is something wrong with George's car. It was only recently that George had the bonnet up and now he's tinkering with it again. George had a play round with the engine the other day when he had no business being in there. Granted, it is his own car but he is doing more bad than good. It's all very well him changing a tyre but an engine is a completely different piece of machinery. It's obvious he thought that he'd have a play round to sort out that rattling sound and now it has got even worse. He has now decided to try and fix it and is out of his depth. This is why he deflects the question; he has no idea what he's doing.

So instead of answering, because he doesn't want anymore questions about cars as he knows nothing, he uses this opportunity to ask the age old question of why women are so interested in shopping? This is also a loaded question as he wants to Lynne to admit that it is her who has maxed out all his credit cards. He is scared of Lynne and is clearly nervous. The hand that is holding his shammy is shaking quite badly. Lynne has a nasty temper so he is being as passive aggressive as possible.

George's line of questioning has not worked. Instead of an admission of guilt, George has now inadvertently agreed to a trip to the shops. He also has to drive his clapped out old motor with a rattling engine. Lynne will not take kindly to being taken to a new boutique in a backfiring Mercedes. George has elected to say the word 'sigh' instead of actually sighing. Perhaps this is an ironic sigh. He is unhappy about Lynne spending all their money, but he is so tired he says sigh in order to again try and antagonise Lynne into a reaction. Unfortunately, Lynne only has one thing on her mind - a new frock.

SAY IT

George is relaxing with a book when Lynne comes up behind him, tells him it is her birthday soon and implies that she'd like diamonds for a present. George tells her through the medium of the written word and a play on her previous statement that he doesn't have enough money for her first choice present.

I do hope that isn't a library book that George is reading because he really isn't taking very good care of it. In fact, even if that is his own book he really shouldn't fold it all the way over like that. The spine will get very badly creased and it will look tatty in his book case. George doesn't seem the sort of person to do this so he must have picked up this book from a charity shop, and after we learn about his current financial situation later on, this is understandable.

George has been going spare with worry about how he was going to tell Lynne that they have no money, and he decided to relax with a book and then a spot of painting, hence why the easel is up in the corner. Either that or it is up there from last night's vigorous game of Pictionary with Sammy and 'Mantha. It was a close game with George and Sammy ending up victorious with a novel way of depicting the word 'terror'. If that was the case then the year is 1985, which doesn't explain George's financial predicament as the recession ended 3 years ago.

TROUBLES

In a day in the life of Lynne, she is at the hairdressers where her hairdresser says that people tell hairdressers their troubles. Later she is at a bar where a barmaid tells her that people tell barmaids their troubles. Finally at home, Lynne asks George, who is washing the windows, why barmaids and hairdressers tell her their troubles.

So this is what Lynne gets up to. She has a haircut, and testament to her hairdresser because her hair style never changes, and then she goes for a drink on her own. All the while George has been washing the windows with the smallest step ladder know to man which he is using to wash the windows on the ground floor. Those windows on the ground floor must be just out of reach for him and when he was out buying the special wipey thing for window cleaning he decided he was tired of the dirt at the top of the windows he couldn't reach and bought a step ladder just for that purpose. When he got home he realised a chair from the kitchen would have sufficed, but his stubbornness kicked in.

Lynne doesn't let on what the troubles are that the hairdresser and the barmaid are having but it can't just be that they are constantly being told people's troubles. It's probably that people tell them their troubles and they have no one to tell their troubles to. This is where Lynne comes in. He prize for having a high maintenance hair style and a moderate drinking problem is befriending the women who work in these establishments. She complains but she should be happy that these women trust her enough to tell her their troubles. Lynne is now the only person in town who knows that the hairdresser has the onset of arthritis which is jeopardising her career and that the barmaid's husband is having a baby with another barmaid.

George isn't listening. He is excited that he has finally got the top of the windows clean and can't wait to tell Lynne. Unfortunately she is in a bad mood so will not share his enthusiasm.

LYNNE

Lynne is out jogging when she passes three women. These women are talking about Lynne in a derogatory way. Lynne overhears them and comments to herself that she's not bothered about these women talking about her because she'd rather them talk about her in a bad way than not talk about her at all.

Either these women are very picky about who they side themselves with or Lynne has done something abhorrent to them. It can't be just her exercise attire; then again we can only see the front of her outfit. Perhaps she has a blue word on the back. But the ladies also cannot see the back of her running gear. She must have done something else. She must have embarrassed herself at Ken's party. She got so drunk and gave Ken what he wanted by flashing at him. She then promptly jumped into his swimming pool and then drove home. Some other people were impressed, especially Ken, and whooped and hollered. These women, the old guard of the community and therefore invited to everything, were not.

Lynne seems impressed with her own epigram. Of course it's not hers, it's Oscar Wilde's, but Lynne won't know that. She's just heard it passing conversation and has now passed it off as her own. She is aware, however, that it is not her own so just mutters it to herself. If the old ladies managed to hear it they would be absolutely up in arms. Not only is she a drunk and a stripper, but a plagiarist as well.