GAMBLE

George and Lynne are on a pedalo. A woman on a nearby pedalo says that she and Antonio got married on the spur of the moment while on holiday in Las Vegas. Lynne asks if her that was a bit of a gamble.

George and Lynne are stuck out in the sea. The pedalo they hired was faulty as the pedals face the wrong way. George has been pedalling but they just keep going round in circles.

Antonio has gone out to get George and Lynne and bring them back to the beach. Both the woman and Antonio run the pedalo stall. As they are newly married, the woman is still very excited and likes to tell her customers about her wedding. Antonio just keeps quiet.

After they get back to the beach, an argument ensues about the refund George thinks he is entitled to. It is awkward because at the same time Lynne is making dinner arrangements with the woman. George and Antonio come to an agreement but it isn't pleasant. The dinner is a very uncomfortable affair.

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And that, my friends, is it. After 2 and a bit years and 444 explanations, I am calling time on my George and Lynne based endeavours. The site will stay up so you can read forever more, or until a new, more powerful internet is invented that will no doubt destroy us all.

Thank you for all your visits and comments. I do it all for you (and me).

Hughesie

NO SUPPORT

Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne tells 'Mantha that Kelly-Ann has no visible means of support. 'Mantha asks if that means she doesn't work. Lynne says it means she doesn't wear a bra.

After the mirror incident, Lynne is upping her fitness regime and has dragged 'Mantha along for the ride. Lynne is still self conscious about her figure so she gone for the t-shirt rather than wearing a clingy vest. 'Mantha has done the same because her earrings match her top.

Kelly-Ann's dress really is skin-tight. It forms perfectly around her breasts which are massive. It is unclear whether Lynne and 'Mantha are looking at Kelly-Ann with disgust or respect. 'Mantha's face shows fear. She knows that without a bra, Kelly-Ann's assets will droop into later life, leaving her with a saggy bosom.

Kelly-Ann does work. She is the new secretary for Mr Valentino.

PAINTBALLING

George and Lynne are paintballing. Lynne tells George that Minnie held a paintballing party in her house for her kids. George thinks that was a bad idea. Lynne continues her story by saying that by the end, every wall of her house was covered in paint but it is one way of redecorating your house for free.

Paintballing is usually a group activity but George and Lynne decided to hire out the entire complex for themselves, presumably at a massive cost. Either that or they have broken away from the main group to release some tension from their relationship.

Whoever loaded the paintball guns has made a bit of an error. Lynne has been firing yellow pellets but at the end she fires a red pellet at George. He is 'killed' in the game but when he goes back to base, the person keeping score will ask who from the red team shot their own member.

The same person who loaded Lynne's gun is probably responsible for letting a children's party use the guns indoors. Lynne is not right. It is not a good way of redecorating your house for free. For starters it wouldn't be free as paintballing is quite expensive. Secondly, unless you want your house covered with yellow and red splodges, your house will look an absolute tip.

MIRROR

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne is looking at herself in the mirror and asks George if she's losing her figure. George says that it isn't the case, it's just that some mirrors are more flattering than others. Lynne understands and says that their mirror is just plain rude.

One of Lynne's biggest fears is losing her figure. She relies on it almost everyday from getting out of parking tickets to diverting attention when she is shoplifting (probably). This is one of the reasons why she has never had children, nor never wants to. Also she can't stand kids.

George is being kind to Lynne. He is right, it is a bad mirror which has warped over time, thus giving the impression that Lynne is portlier than she actually is. It's not Hall of Mirrors warped, but enough to give the wrong impression.

George had dug himself into a little hole. Lynne will now demand that every mirror in the house is replaced immediately with flattering ones. George now has to buy new full length mirrors, not cheap, and make sure that Lynne looks good in them to prevent another hissy fit. Living with Lynne is like living with a spoilt child and is the reason George doesn't want kids.

MARATHON

George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that Ruthie is looking for a long running affair. George asks if that will be with a married man. Lynne replies that it won't, it will be with a marathon man. Ruthie chases a runner who is frightened.

It is a cold yet sunny day and the residents of Wimbledon are out in force to watch the local marathon. It is unlikely this is a full marathon, maybe just a half-marathon. Still, it has proved to be a popular event so there may be another one next year.

George is suspicious about what Lynne has said. He is wondering why Lynne would bring this up. George thinks that Lynne is about to suggest they sleep with other people. George does not want this, especially not with Ruthie who he has heard is a bit of a terror.

Ruthie is a terror. She is the sort of person who thinks it's fun to wear a top with your name blazoned across it. Either that or the only clean clothes she had were ones from a hen party. She is chasing a man who is running in the marathon. He is scared but it gets him into first place so he should at least buy Ruthie dinner. Ruthie will suggest chicken in a basket and vodka shots.

PETE POTTER

George and Lynne are getting amorous. A voice from the television says that the search is continuing for snooker player Pete Potter. It continues to say that Potter's in the frame for a crime but police haven't a cue where he is. George and Lynne look shocked.

George and Lynne have decided to do the deed on the sofa tonight. The late film has got them in the mood but the news in the middle of the film has come one. The shocking story of Pete Potter has been gripping the nation. Potter's wife and brother were found murdered at his home and he has not been seen since.

The police say they just want to eliminate him from their enquiries but let's face it, he did it. Unless he gets Johnny Cochran and Robert Shapiro to defend him, Potter is going down for a long time. George and Lynne stop kissing because they, like the country, are fascinated by the story. It is unfortunate that the news reader uses the word 'cue' instead of 'clue'. This was a mistake. The writer of the autocue should have used words which were less easy to mispronounce, such as 'police have still yet to locate his whereabouts.'

MEN

George and Lynne are in a shop. George asks the shopkeeper for a you-know-what, a thingumabob that goes on a whatchamacallit. The shopkeeper gives him what he's after. Lynne marvels at this exchange and says that men speak a language only they understand.

It's good to see the shopkeeper is wearing an apron. These are the good old days when all shopkeepers wore either an apron or a brown coat. Whatever shop you work in, there is always a chance of a spillage.

George knows what he wants but doesn't know the name of it. He's so flustered that he can hardly get the words out. He is worried about looking like an amateur in front of both his wife and the shopkeeper. Luckily the shopkeeper knows what he wants. It's a home pregnancy test.

PAIR

George and Lynne are at home. George presents Lynne with a gift of new earrings. Lynne says they are the perfect pair for her. She bends over and George says they are the perfect pair for him.

George has surprised Lynne with a nice gift how very thoughtful of him. He has been rewarded with a look down her top. It would have been easier to drop his keys and ask her to pick them up.

ICE

George and Lynne are going ice skating. Lynne points out Kelly to George and tells him she's just broken up with Dan. She adds that Kelly reckons skating is a good way of meeting a new partner. George adds that it's a good way of breaking the ice.

Either the council have iced the park or it's very cold in Wimbledon and the pond has frozen over. Whatever has happened, George and Lynne are taking advantage and are going ice skating.

Kelly was the woman who was dating the cycling club's secretary, who must have been Dan. Their relationship didn't last very long, but after a string of unsuccessful relationships, Kelly has decided that wallowing in self pity is a pointless waste of time and she needs to get out there.

She seems to have found a nice looking man with well coiffed hair and a Don Johnson jacket, although she does look a little shocked at his advances. Maybe she has been kidding herself that she is over Dan.

The man duly reveals his true self. He takes no time at all the grab hold of Kelly. His over exuberance however leads to his hair becoming displaced, revealing a high forehead. He is in fact a balding sex pest. It's a wonder George and Lynne don't step in. They think it's young love. It isn't, it's sexual assault.

ROCKET

George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that the local football club's manager gave each player a rocket after a defeat last Saturday. George says that it's about time he got tough with that bunch of losers. Lynne reveals that he wasn't tough and also gave them a sparkler each too.

It must be bonfire night in Wimbledon. Wimbledon FC, as they were in the 80s, are not doing very well according to George and Lynne. In fact, they were on their ascent to Division One and their amazing FA Cup win. George and Lynne are either being sarcastic or have got so used to their club winning that any loss is met with boos from the terraces. Ironic boos. Dave Bassett is doing a fine job.

So good are Wimbledon, soon to be promoted from Division 3, that manager Dave Bassett has organised a fireworks display for them and the local community. It is being held near Plough Lane and all the team will be letting off a firework each. Everyone's having a great time.

IMPORTANT

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George he's been on the computer for hours and asks him what is more important, his work or his wife. George immediately responds that his work is. Then, upon seeing Lynne disrobe, changes his mind and says his wife is more important.

Lynne is right, George has been on the computer for hours. He can't understand it. He presses the keys but nothing comes on the screen. This is because he has the monitor not only not switched on, but also the wrong way round. He'll never finish those reports. Oh why can't he go back to using his precious ledgers, so neatly stacked on his desk.

If he doesn't finish the reports, his boss will have his guts for garters. Then he will be fired and therefore not be able to support his wife. So in this way, his work is more important. He then realises he can tell his boss the computer didn't work. No one will know that nothing was wrong with it as they all couldn't work the computers. The boss will be irritated but concedes that he will have to send his staff on a computer training course.

PICTURE

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George that she'll be gone for about an hour. George asks if there's anything she'd like done while she's out. Lynne suggests he could hang a picture and George asks where. Lynne tells him the nails are in the garage, the hammer is in the garden shed and the first aid box is in the bathroom.

Lynne is going out somewhere and thoughtfully tells George, who looks like he has just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap. In his daze, he foolishly asks Lynne if she needs anything done, cursing himself that he didn't wake for another five minutes. Then he would find a note from Lynne which he could feign ignorance about upon her return.

Lynne has a raunchy lithograph she needs hanging. She bought it at an antiques fair and thinks it should be displayed in their home. This is the first George has seen of it and is at a loss as to where Lynne would like it placed.

Lynne, misunderstanding George's question, tells him where everything he needs is, rather than where she wants the picture hanging. George knows where the nails and hammer are, they are his tools. He will now be irritated that they are not together in his tool kit, where he left them. George decides, after a little think, to hang the picture in the downstairs loo.

HOLES

George and Lynne are out and about. They come across some men digging and Lynne asks why they are digging yet another hole in the road. One of the workmen says they are looking for something. George tells Lynne that they don't just dig holes without good reason. Lynne asks them what they are look for. The workman says they are looking for the hole they dug last week.

Lynne is sick to death of the road works. Little does she know that without replacements to the infrastructure of the piping and cable network, Wimbledon will not be joining the rest of the country in the 21st century as they rely on primitive forms of communication and contaminated water from old pipes. Roadworks are a necessary evil Lynne.

The workman, who may well be the foreman, says that they are looking for the hole they dug last week. This does suggest that the workmen are a little ramshackle, but actually shows how diligent they are at their work. When they filled in their hole from last week, they did an excellent job at re-tarmacing the pavement or at least replace the paving slabs without showing where the hole was. They should really have remembered where they were digging but they were under the impression their work was over. The foreman's 'we' in the last frame does not refer to his team, more the company he works for. It was someone in head office who made the mistake and asked for more work to be done. So here they are again.

HOT AND SWEATY

George and Lynne are inside. George asks Lynne if it's a warm day. Lynne says it is and adds that she is all hot and sweaty. She then says that she needs to get out of her clothes and proceeds to take them off. George says that she has got him feeling all hot and sweaty.

George has yet to go outside so asks Lynne, who has popped to the shops to buy milk, what the weather is like outside. Lynne is now feeling the heat as she opted for a fleece to wear. She now realises she would have been better off with a cardigan or simply a t-shirt.

George has become hot and sweaty at the sight of Lynne in her underwear. This could be the case, but it's more likely that George is getting ill. He might have the flu. He should go to bed for the rest of the day. If he thinks it is down to Lynne's sexiness, he might give it to her as well. Then they will both be in bed, but not for the reasons they wanted.

SNOWBALL

George, Lynne and 'Mantha are walking in the snow. 'Mantha tells George and Lynne that Sammy has been studying the subject for months. Lynne says that that is very impressive. 'Mantha continues that Sammy has put in hours and hours of study. George asks what happens now and 'Mantha reveals that he's finally perfected the art of making the perfect snowball. A snowball hits George.

It has been snowing and this is the perfect excuse to go for a walk. 'Mantha is very aloof in her reports of Sammy's studies but quite frankly they are all just impressed that Sammy has put his mind to something other than drink.

Like any true alcoholic, or recovering alcoholic, Sammy has decided to immerse his life in something completely pointless. At one point it seemed like a great idea, it still does to Sammy, but in actual fact it is a futile study and many months wasted.

Despite years of abuse, Sammy's aim is still good. He hit George clean on the back of the head. This is not all it seems though. Resentment has built up in Sammy. He has spent the last few months shaping and nurturing that snowball until it is a perfect sphere of ice coated with fresh snowflakes. The weapon, as it now is, was meant for 'Mantha, but a quick four whiskeys in the morning means that his eye is off, and cracks George's head instead. Four stitches later, they are all laughing about the incident.

SEXY UNDERWEAR

Lynne is talking to a postman. On receiving her parcel she tells the postman that it is the sexy underwear George ordered for her. The postman tells her that his girlfriend doesn't wear nice underwear. In a fit of generosity, Lynne gives the postman her underwear to give to his girlfriend as she feels he needs it more than she does. Elsewhere some ladies are talking. One asks if her friend's postman boyfriend gave her wrong sized underwear. The other woman says that she knows it was bought for another woman and that she will have a word with him when she can. Lynne is there and looks shocked.

Lynne is very familiar with her postman. She answers the door in her nightie and tells the postman what is in her parcels. The postman looks a little bored because this happens every day. Yesterday she told the postman that a letter was her gas bill and a parcel was George's new fishing line. He puts up with it because Lynne is half naked all the time.

Lynne and the postman must have known that this whole gift transference was a bad idea. Surely the postman would take one look at Lynne and tell her that he couldn't possibly give them to his girlfriend because she has a smaller bust and bum than Lynne? The girlfriend would just think that he never took time to learn her measurements.

The woman talking to the postman's girlfriend might be 'Mantha. She knows all about Lynne's act of kindness and has played a cruel trick on Lynne. But Lynne can do nothing. Owning up would cause the girlfriend to accuse her of cheating with the postman. Even if she tried to explain the real reason, it would come across that Lynne thinks her underwear is better than the drab items the woman wears. Lynne would do best to be quiet and scold 'Mantha later.

GREENHOUSE

George is with an unnamed friend in a greenhouse. He tells George that his wife kicked him out so he moved into the greenhouse. George asks him if he's bothered about that. The man says he isn't bothered and adds that he has a nice collection to admire. George asks if he is talking about plants; his friend says he is talking about Gina the gardener's sexy bikinis.

George's friend is now living in the greenhouse. What amenities the greenhouse has we don't know but this man seems quite comfortable. Look, he's even brought in a couple of chairs and a table. He sleeps behind the tomatoes.

This man must be absolutely boiling. He is wearing a sweatshirt, trousers and slippers in the greenhouse and it looks like a nice sunny day. Even if it is winter, he would need a heater on to stop his herbs and what looks like a mango tree from freezing. He says he isn't bothered but he is most likely being stubborn and putting on a brave face.

This man has more money than sense. Not only does he have a greenhouse that is the size of one in Kew Gardens, but he hires a gardener purely on the basis that she does her work in a bikini. She probably only waters the plants. There's certainly no place for her secateurs in that outfit. No wonder his wife kicked him out.

VICAR

Lynne is cooking. She tells George that the vicar called round and tried her cooking. George asks if he liked it and Lynne replies that he did and that he said only one thing was stopping her becoming one of those TV cooks. George asks what that was and Lynne replies it is her sexy revealing outfits like this. George lets out an 'Oh, Lord.'

The vicar has a habit of turning up at people's houses unannounced. In this case he arrived at lunchtime, knowing full well that both Lynne would be preparing lunch and George would be at work. The vicar knows women will always let him in and therefore he gets free lunches every week day.

Although the vicar says that Lynne's revealing sexy items are holding her back in her quest to become a TV cook, they could in fact be her selling point. At this point in time she would be up against Fanny Cradock's Thatcher-esque face or Keith Floyd's boozy lunches. Her mix of sex and cooking could send her on a one way ticket to stardom.

The one thing that is really holding her back is that she doesn't work in food, and that she doesn't have a book deal. George knows more. His 'Oh, Lord' is an excellently worded response to the vicar's unashamed flirting. The vicar is known for this too and it is now getting out of hand. It's either that or it was Sammy in a vicar's outfit.

HEN NIGHT

George asks Lynne how the hen night was. Lynn tells him that they all went wild when some hunky men in police uniforms walked in. George asks her if they were male strippers. Lynne says they were and adds that they weren't to know that. George then asks if they were real policemen. Lynne says that they were and that the women ripped all their clothes off. She adds that their case comes up next week.

It is morning. Lynne looks a little worse for wear after a hen party she attended the night before. George goads her a little by shouting the words 'hen night', knowing it would add to her already bad hangover.

This is where the confusion starts. George asks if the men in uniform were strippers and Lynne says they were. So where did he learn that they were real policemen? The fact is that Lynne is trying to fob George off by saying they were strippers but Lynne came home in a police car the night before and a policeman talked to George after he put Lynne to bed. He knows everything.

Lynne feels no remorse for her crime. She can plead not guilty and say she thought they were strippers but for assault of a police officer she can expect a hefty fine and some community service as it is her first offence. However, if she acts like that in court she might find herself with a custodial sentence. George knows a little about criminal law, even though he went into property law for his profession, and should advise her sensibly or at least recommend a good lawyer.

UNCOMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS

Lynne is at the hairdressers. Her hairdresser is reciting a list of things she doesn't like. They are: people she didn't know, bad food, insects and uncomfortable surroundings. Lynne asks her if she is talking about 'Celebrity get me out of here.' Her hairdresser says it was worse – her boyfriend took her to meet his family.

Instead of having a proper conversation in which a subject is introduced and both sides offer opinions about it, Lynne's hairdresser prefers to list a few things and then the other person has to guess what she wants to talk about.

After the hairdresser says her list, Lynne guesses she is talking about the not-so popular game show called 'Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.' The game show was a short running Saturday evening affair where members of the public where subjected to a string of disagreeable situations until they asked the host, in this case the celebrity, to get them out of there; there being the perspex box they were sitting in. In addition to the situations the hairdresser said, contestants were also subjected to bad music, ill-fitting clothes and people talking when they're trying to read.

The game show didn't last as it was soon discovered that the contestants could quite easily endure sitting on a wooden bench with a stranger whilst eating a pot noodle and therefore always won the cash prize and/or the speedboat. The game show lost an estimated £100,000 in the first three episodes and was duly cancelled. After the copyright on the title ran out in 2002, it was snapped up and bastardised. The rest it history.