GEORGE AND LYNNE EXPLAINED

GAMBLE

2011-07-21T19:20:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are on a pedalo. A woman on a nearby pedalo says that she and Antonio got married on the spur of the moment while on holiday in Las Vegas. Lynne asks if her that was a bit of a gamble.

George and Lynne are stuck out in the sea. The pedalo they hired was faulty as the pedals face the wrong way. George has been pedalling but they just keep going round in circles.

Antonio has gone out to get George and Lynne and bring them back to the beach. Both the woman and Antonio run the pedalo stall. As they are newly married, the woman is still very excited and likes to tell her customers about her wedding. Antonio just keeps quiet.

After they get back to the beach, an argument ensues about the refund George thinks he is entitled to. It is awkward because at the same time Lynne is making dinner arrangements with the woman. George and Antonio come to an agreement but it isn't pleasant. The dinner is a very uncomfortable affair.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that, my friends, is it. After 2 and a bit years and 444 explanations, I am calling time on my George and Lynne based endeavours. The site will stay up so you can read forever more, or until a new, more powerful internet is invented that will no doubt destroy us all.

Thank you for all your visits and comments. I do it all for you (and me).

Hughesie

NO SUPPORT

2011-07-20T19:26:00.003+01:00

Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne tells 'Mantha that Kelly-Ann has no visible means of support. 'Mantha asks if that means she doesn't work. Lynne says it means she doesn't wear a bra.

After the mirror incident, Lynne is upping her fitness regime and has dragged 'Mantha along for the ride. Lynne is still self conscious about her figure so she gone for the t-shirt rather than wearing a clingy vest. 'Mantha has done the same because her earrings match her top.

Kelly-Ann's dress really is skin-tight. It forms perfectly around her breasts which are massive. It is unclear whether Lynne and 'Mantha are looking at Kelly-Ann with disgust or respect. 'Mantha's face shows fear. She knows that without a bra, Kelly-Ann's assets will droop into later life, leaving her with a saggy bosom.

Kelly-Ann does work. She is the new secretary for Mr Valentino.

PAINTBALLING

2011-07-19T19:01:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are paintballing. Lynne tells George that Minnie held a paintballing party in her house for her kids. George thinks that was a bad idea. Lynne continues her story by saying that by the end, every wall of her house was covered in paint but it is one way of redecorating your house for free.

Paintballing is usually a group activity but George and Lynne decided to hire out the entire complex for themselves, presumably at a massive cost. Either that or they have broken away from the main group to release some tension from their relationship.

Whoever loaded the paintball guns has made a bit of an error. Lynne has been firing yellow pellets but at the end she fires a red pellet at George. He is 'killed' in the game but when he goes back to base, the person keeping score will ask who from the red team shot their own member.

The same person who loaded Lynne's gun is probably responsible for letting a children's party use the guns indoors. Lynne is not right. It is not a good way of redecorating your house for free. For starters it wouldn't be free as paintballing is quite expensive. Secondly, unless you want your house covered with yellow and red splodges, your house will look an absolute tip.

MIRROR

2011-07-18T19:04:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne is looking at herself in the mirror and asks George if she's losing her figure. George says that it isn't the case, it's just that some mirrors are more flattering than others. Lynne understands and says that their mirror is just plain rude.

One of Lynne's biggest fears is losing her figure. She relies on it almost everyday from getting out of parking tickets to diverting attention when she is shoplifting (probably). This is one of the reasons why she has never had children, nor never wants to. Also she can't stand kids.

George is being kind to Lynne. He is right, it is a bad mirror which has warped over time, thus giving the impression that Lynne is portlier than she actually is. It's not Hall of Mirrors warped, but enough to give the wrong impression.

George had dug himself into a little hole. Lynne will now demand that every mirror in the house is replaced immediately with flattering ones. George now has to buy new full length mirrors, not cheap, and make sure that Lynne looks good in them to prevent another hissy fit. Living with Lynne is like living with a spoilt child and is the reason George doesn't want kids.

MARATHON

2011-07-15T08:04:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that Ruthie is looking for a long running affair. George asks if that will be with a married man. Lynne replies that it won't, it will be with a marathon man. Ruthie chases a runner who is frightened.

It is a cold yet sunny day and the residents of Wimbledon are out in force to watch the local marathon. It is unlikely this is a full marathon, maybe just a half-marathon. Still, it has proved to be a popular event so there may be another one next year.

George is suspicious about what Lynne has said. He is wondering why Lynne would bring this up. George thinks that Lynne is about to suggest they sleep with other people. George does not want this, especially not with Ruthie who he has heard is a bit of a terror.

Ruthie is a terror. She is the sort of person who thinks it's fun to wear a top with your name blazoned across it. Either that or the only clean clothes she had were ones from a hen party. She is chasing a man who is running in the marathon. He is scared but it gets him into first place so he should at least buy Ruthie dinner. Ruthie will suggest chicken in a basket and vodka shots.

PETE POTTER

2011-07-13T09:52:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are getting amorous. A voice from the television says that the search is continuing for snooker player Pete Potter. It continues to say that Potter's in the frame for a crime but police haven't a cue where he is. George and Lynne look shocked.

George and Lynne have decided to do the deed on the sofa tonight. The late film has got them in the mood but the news in the middle of the film has come one. The shocking story of Pete Potter has been gripping the nation. Potter's wife and brother were found murdered at his home and he has not been seen since.

The police say they just want to eliminate him from their enquiries but let's face it, he did it. Unless he gets Johnny Cochran and Robert Shapiro to defend him, Potter is going down for a long time. George and Lynne stop kissing because they, like the country, are fascinated by the story. It is unfortunate that the news reader uses the word 'cue' instead of 'clue'. This was a mistake. The writer of the autocue should have used words which were less easy to mispronounce, such as 'police have still yet to locate his whereabouts.'

MEN

2011-07-12T20:39:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are in a shop. George asks the shopkeeper for a you-know-what, a thingumabob that goes on a whatchamacallit. The shopkeeper gives him what he's after. Lynne marvels at this exchange and says that men speak a language only they understand.

It's good to see the shopkeeper is wearing an apron. These are the good old days when all shopkeepers wore either an apron or a brown coat. Whatever shop you work in, there is always a chance of a spillage.

George knows what he wants but doesn't know the name of it. He's so flustered that he can hardly get the words out. He is worried about looking like an amateur in front of both his wife and the shopkeeper. Luckily the shopkeeper knows what he wants. It's a home pregnancy test.

PAIR

2011-07-11T18:56:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are at home. George presents Lynne with a gift of new earrings. Lynne says they are the perfect pair for her. She bends over and George says they are the perfect pair for him.

George has surprised Lynne with a nice gift how very thoughtful of him. He has been rewarded with a look down her top. It would have been easier to drop his keys and ask her to pick them up.

ICE

2011-07-07T19:14:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are going ice skating. Lynne points out Kelly to George and tells him she's just broken up with Dan. She adds that Kelly reckons skating is a good way of meeting a new partner. George adds that it's a good way of breaking the ice.

Either the council have iced the park or it's very cold in Wimbledon and the pond has frozen over. Whatever has happened, George and Lynne are taking advantage and are going ice skating.

Kelly was the woman who was dating the cycling club's secretary, who must have been Dan. Their relationship didn't last very long, but after a string of unsuccessful relationships, Kelly has decided that wallowing in self pity is a pointless waste of time and she needs to get out there.

She seems to have found a nice looking man with well coiffed hair and a Don Johnson jacket, although she does look a little shocked at his advances. Maybe she has been kidding herself that she is over Dan.

The man duly reveals his true self. He takes no time at all the grab hold of Kelly. His over exuberance however leads to his hair becoming displaced, revealing a high forehead. He is in fact a balding sex pest. It's a wonder George and Lynne don't step in. They think it's young love. It isn't, it's sexual assault.

ROCKET

2011-07-06T19:24:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that the local football club's manager gave each player a rocket after a defeat last Saturday. George says that it's about time he got tough with that bunch of losers. Lynne reveals that he wasn't tough and also gave them a sparkler each too.

It must be bonfire night in Wimbledon. Wimbledon FC, as they were in the 80s, are not doing very well according to George and Lynne. In fact, they were on their ascent to Division One and their amazing FA Cup win. George and Lynne are either being sarcastic or have got so used to their club winning that any loss is met with boos from the terraces. Ironic boos. Dave Bassett is doing a fine job.

So good are Wimbledon, soon to be promoted from Division 3, that manager Dave Bassett has organised a fireworks display for them and the local community. It is being held near Plough Lane and all the team will be letting off a firework each. Everyone's having a great time.

IMPORTANT

2011-07-05T20:53:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George he's been on the computer for hours and asks him what is more important, his work or his wife. George immediately responds that his work is. Then, upon seeing Lynne disrobe, changes his mind and says his wife is more important.

Lynne is right, George has been on the computer for hours. He can't understand it. He presses the keys but nothing comes on the screen. This is because he has the monitor not only not switched on, but also the wrong way round. He'll never finish those reports. Oh why can't he go back to using his precious ledgers, so neatly stacked on his desk.

If he doesn't finish the reports, his boss will have his guts for garters. Then he will be fired and therefore not be able to support his wife. So in this way, his work is more important. He then realises he can tell his boss the computer didn't work. No one will know that nothing was wrong with it as they all couldn't work the computers. The boss will be irritated but concedes that he will have to send his staff on a computer training course.

PICTURE

2011-07-04T17:58:00.003+01:00

George and Lynne are at home. Lynne tells George that she'll be gone for about an hour. George asks if there's anything she'd like done while she's out. Lynne suggests he could hang a picture and George asks where. Lynne tells him the nails are in the garage, the hammer is in the garden shed and the first aid box is in the bathroom.

Lynne is going out somewhere and thoughtfully tells George, who looks like he has just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap. In his daze, he foolishly asks Lynne if she needs anything done, cursing himself that he didn't wake for another five minutes. Then he would find a note from Lynne which he could feign ignorance about upon her return.

Lynne has a raunchy lithograph she needs hanging. She bought it at an antiques fair and thinks it should be displayed in their home. This is the first George has seen of it and is at a loss as to where Lynne would like it placed.

Lynne, misunderstanding George's question, tells him where everything he needs is, rather than where she wants the picture hanging. George knows where the nails and hammer are, they are his tools. He will now be irritated that they are not together in his tool kit, where he left them. George decides, after a little think, to hang the picture in the downstairs loo.

HOLES

2011-06-30T19:38:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are out and about. They come across some men digging and Lynne asks why they are digging yet another hole in the road. One of the workmen says they are looking for something. George tells Lynne that they don't just dig holes without good reason. Lynne asks them what they are look for. The workman says they are looking for the hole they dug last week.

Lynne is sick to death of the road works. Little does she know that without replacements to the infrastructure of the piping and cable network, Wimbledon will not be joining the rest of the country in the 21st century as they rely on primitive forms of communication and contaminated water from old pipes. Roadworks are a necessary evil Lynne.

The workman, who may well be the foreman, says that they are looking for the hole they dug last week. This does suggest that the workmen are a little ramshackle, but actually shows how diligent they are at their work. When they filled in their hole from last week, they did an excellent job at re-tarmacing the pavement or at least replace the paving slabs without showing where the hole was. They should really have remembered where they were digging but they were under the impression their work was over. The foreman's 'we' in the last frame does not refer to his team, more the company he works for. It was someone in head office who made the mistake and asked for more work to be done. So here they are again.

HOT AND SWEATY

2011-06-29T19:33:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are inside. George asks Lynne if it's a warm day. Lynne says it is and adds that she is all hot and sweaty. She then says that she needs to get out of her clothes and proceeds to take them off. George says that she has got him feeling all hot and sweaty.

George has yet to go outside so asks Lynne, who has popped to the shops to buy milk, what the weather is like outside. Lynne is now feeling the heat as she opted for a fleece to wear. She now realises she would have been better off with a cardigan or simply a t-shirt.

George has become hot and sweaty at the sight of Lynne in her underwear. This could be the case, but it's more likely that George is getting ill. He might have the flu. He should go to bed for the rest of the day. If he thinks it is down to Lynne's sexiness, he might give it to her as well. Then they will both be in bed, but not for the reasons they wanted.

SNOWBALL

2011-06-28T20:14:00.001+01:00

George, Lynne and 'Mantha are walking in the snow. 'Mantha tells George and Lynne that Sammy has been studying the subject for months. Lynne says that that is very impressive. 'Mantha continues that Sammy has put in hours and hours of study. George asks what happens now and 'Mantha reveals that he's finally perfected the art of making the perfect snowball. A snowball hits George.

It has been snowing and this is the perfect excuse to go for a walk. 'Mantha is very aloof in her reports of Sammy's studies but quite frankly they are all just impressed that Sammy has put his mind to something other than drink.

Like any true alcoholic, or recovering alcoholic, Sammy has decided to immerse his life in something completely pointless. At one point it seemed like a great idea, it still does to Sammy, but in actual fact it is a futile study and many months wasted.

Despite years of abuse, Sammy's aim is still good. He hit George clean on the back of the head. This is not all it seems though. Resentment has built up in Sammy. He has spent the last few months shaping and nurturing that snowball until it is a perfect sphere of ice coated with fresh snowflakes. The weapon, as it now is, was meant for 'Mantha, but a quick four whiskeys in the morning means that his eye is off, and cracks George's head instead. Four stitches later, they are all laughing about the incident.

SEXY UNDERWEAR

2011-06-27T18:56:00.001+01:00

Lynne is talking to a postman. On receiving her parcel she tells the postman that it is the sexy underwear George ordered for her. The postman tells her that his girlfriend doesn't wear nice underwear. In a fit of generosity, Lynne gives the postman her underwear to give to his girlfriend as she feels he needs it more than she does. Elsewhere some ladies are talking. One asks if her friend's postman boyfriend gave her wrong sized underwear. The other woman says that she knows it was bought for another woman and that she will have a word with him when she can. Lynne is there and looks shocked.

Lynne is very familiar with her postman. She answers the door in her nightie and tells the postman what is in her parcels. The postman looks a little bored because this happens every day. Yesterday she told the postman that a letter was her gas bill and a parcel was George's new fishing line. He puts up with it because Lynne is half naked all the time.

Lynne and the postman must have known that this whole gift transference was a bad idea. Surely the postman would take one look at Lynne and tell her that he couldn't possibly give them to his girlfriend because she has a smaller bust and bum than Lynne? The girlfriend would just think that he never took time to learn her measurements.

The woman talking to the postman's girlfriend might be 'Mantha. She knows all about Lynne's act of kindness and has played a cruel trick on Lynne. But Lynne can do nothing. Owning up would cause the girlfriend to accuse her of cheating with the postman. Even if she tried to explain the real reason, it would come across that Lynne thinks her underwear is better than the drab items the woman wears. Lynne would do best to be quiet and scold 'Mantha later.

GREENHOUSE

2011-06-23T19:53:00.001+01:00

George is with an unnamed friend in a greenhouse. He tells George that his wife kicked him out so he moved into the greenhouse. George asks him if he's bothered about that. The man says he isn't bothered and adds that he has a nice collection to admire. George asks if he is talking about plants; his friend says he is talking about Gina the gardener's sexy bikinis.

George's friend is now living in the greenhouse. What amenities the greenhouse has we don't know but this man seems quite comfortable. Look, he's even brought in a couple of chairs and a table. He sleeps behind the tomatoes.

This man must be absolutely boiling. He is wearing a sweatshirt, trousers and slippers in the greenhouse and it looks like a nice sunny day. Even if it is winter, he would need a heater on to stop his herbs and what looks like a mango tree from freezing. He says he isn't bothered but he is most likely being stubborn and putting on a brave face.

This man has more money than sense. Not only does he have a greenhouse that is the size of one in Kew Gardens, but he hires a gardener purely on the basis that she does her work in a bikini. She probably only waters the plants. There's certainly no place for her secateurs in that outfit. No wonder his wife kicked him out.

VICAR

2011-06-22T07:57:00.001+01:00

Lynne is cooking. She tells George that the vicar called round and tried her cooking. George asks if he liked it and Lynne replies that he did and that he said only one thing was stopping her becoming one of those TV cooks. George asks what that was and Lynne replies it is her sexy revealing outfits like this. George lets out an 'Oh, Lord.'

The vicar has a habit of turning up at people's houses unannounced. In this case he arrived at lunchtime, knowing full well that both Lynne would be preparing lunch and George would be at work. The vicar knows women will always let him in and therefore he gets free lunches every week day.

Although the vicar says that Lynne's revealing sexy items are holding her back in her quest to become a TV cook, they could in fact be her selling point. At this point in time she would be up against Fanny Cradock's Thatcher-esque face or Keith Floyd's boozy lunches. Her mix of sex and cooking could send her on a one way ticket to stardom.

The one thing that is really holding her back is that she doesn't work in food, and that she doesn't have a book deal. George knows more. His 'Oh, Lord' is an excellently worded response to the vicar's unashamed flirting. The vicar is known for this too and it is now getting out of hand. It's either that or it was Sammy in a vicar's outfit.

HEN NIGHT

2011-06-21T20:54:00.002+01:00

George asks Lynne how the hen night was. Lynn tells him that they all went wild when some hunky men in police uniforms walked in. George asks her if they were male strippers. Lynne says they were and adds that they weren't to know that. George then asks if they were real policemen. Lynne says that they were and that the women ripped all their clothes off. She adds that their case comes up next week.

It is morning. Lynne looks a little worse for wear after a hen party she attended the night before. George goads her a little by shouting the words 'hen night', knowing it would add to her already bad hangover.

This is where the confusion starts. George asks if the men in uniform were strippers and Lynne says they were. So where did he learn that they were real policemen? The fact is that Lynne is trying to fob George off by saying they were strippers but Lynne came home in a police car the night before and a policeman talked to George after he put Lynne to bed. He knows everything.

Lynne feels no remorse for her crime. She can plead not guilty and say she thought they were strippers but for assault of a police officer she can expect a hefty fine and some community service as it is her first offence. However, if she acts like that in court she might find herself with a custodial sentence. George knows a little about criminal law, even though he went into property law for his profession, and should advise her sensibly or at least recommend a good lawyer.

UNCOMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS

2011-06-20T08:22:00.001+01:00

Lynne is at the hairdressers. Her hairdresser is reciting a list of things she doesn't like. They are: people she didn't know, bad food, insects and uncomfortable surroundings. Lynne asks her if she is talking about 'Celebrity get me out of here.' Her hairdresser says it was worse – her boyfriend took her to meet his family.

Instead of having a proper conversation in which a subject is introduced and both sides offer opinions about it, Lynne's hairdresser prefers to list a few things and then the other person has to guess what she wants to talk about.

After the hairdresser says her list, Lynne guesses she is talking about the not-so popular game show called 'Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.' The game show was a short running Saturday evening affair where members of the public where subjected to a string of disagreeable situations until they asked the host, in this case the celebrity, to get them out of there; there being the perspex box they were sitting in. In addition to the situations the hairdresser said, contestants were also subjected to bad music, ill-fitting clothes and people talking when they're trying to read.

The game show didn't last as it was soon discovered that the contestants could quite easily endure sitting on a wooden bench with a stranger whilst eating a pot noodle and therefore always won the cash prize and/or the speedboat. The game show lost an estimated £100,000 in the first three episodes and was duly cancelled. After the copyright on the title ran out in 2002, it was snapped up and bastardised. The rest it history.

DEPUTY

2011-06-16T16:29:00.003+01:00

Lynne is in the gym. Whilst on the treadmill, she thinks to herself that her local MP thought about running for deputy but her gave up the idea when someone pointed out he wouldn't get to wear a sheriff's badge.

Lynne likes to have a think when she is working out. It breaks up the monotony of exercise and gives her a chance to grapple some pressing issues. Unfortunately, because she is wrapped up in her own thoughts, she is yet to make any new friends at the gym.

If Lynne said her thoughts out loud to a human being, she might involve herself in a conversation. She would get out of breath whilst running, but it would make those gym visits more fun. In this instance she could've have spoken to Anne Widdecombe, who is also at the gym. Anne, being a politician, would be incredibly interested in the local MP's shortcomings. They could have a good old laugh at him and Anne could have used it as a stepping stone to her own political career, at this moment in its infancy. Maybe Lynne thinks that Anne Widdecombe would already know about this and doesn't want to bother her with old news. In fact, it was probably the sight of Anne which reminded Lynne of the MP story.

VITAL STATISTICS

2011-06-15T16:27:00.001+01:00

George arrives home to hear Lynne reciting numbers. George thinks the numbers Lynne is saying are her measurements: bust, waist and hip. They are in fact Lynne's lottery numbers.

This episode takes place not in the mid 1990s as you might think, but in our usual time of the early to mid 80s. Lynne has bought a ticket for the Ohio state lottery during one of their many trips away. After getting home, she decided to put her ticket somewhere safe, in this case sellotaped to her mirror. After writing to a friend in America, she has finally got the results of the lottery she bought the ticket for. Before reading the actual numbers, she checks her own numbers, three of which are 36, 24 and 35.

Lynne will find out soon that she has not won the Ohio state lottery. It's a good job too because as she doesn't live there, she would not be able to claim her winnings.

GILES

2011-06-14T16:50:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are in a bookshop. George has heard news that Giles has taken on an assistant and asks him to confirm this. Giles says he has because at his age he needs to take things more easily. He continues to say that he leaves Angie to do most of the leg work. Lynne says she can see why.

Giles owns and runs this bookshop. He has done for quite some years and is known for his garish waistcoats. He sells all manner of books and has always run the business completely on his own. It kept costs down and gave him something to do.

Giles has, until recently, always staunchly denied he has needed any help with his bookshop. That was until he fell off a ladder replacing a new batch of Jackie Collins'. It was then he bowed to public opinion and put an ad in the shop window.

Giles hired Angie and now she does most of the 'leg work' as he puts it. What this entails is going up and down the ladder to fetch books on high shelves. Lynne says she can see why he lets her do this work. It is because she is fitter and more active than Giles. It is also because Angie is terrible with numbers and would be useless doing a stock take.

VIEW

2011-06-13T17:22:00.003+01:00

George and Sammy are on the beach. George asks Sammy how he's doing. Sammy says he is fine and he is just admiring the view. George looks and says it is spectacular. Sammy tells him that he meant the view of Lynne and 'Mantha playing topless volleyball.

Something has happened. If we look at George's body language and his question, it is apparent that Sammy got a little drunk last night and did or said something which was both embarrassing and distressing. After he passed out, the other three had a discussion on who was to talk to Sammy about his antics. It was decided George should confront him.

What's worse for George was is that this happened on the first day of the holiday. George's torso is very white, which suggests that he has not even been out in the sun yet. Sammy is being sensible and is not exposing his shoulders. The truth is that he squirted all the sun tan lotion all over the bathroom last night in a drunken rage.

Lynne and 'Mantha are playing volleyball, but without other players or a net, it is a little futile. They must have joined a team back home and are practising their sets and spikes. Let's hope they don't throw the ball at any of the low flying seagulls.

VOWS

2011-06-09T19:12:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne tells George that she's heard that Mike and Carol have renewed their marriage vows. She believes that that was romantic and asks George if they should do the same. George says that there is no need. He kisses her and says that his vows are as fresh as ever. Lynne says that that is even more romantic.

The fact that Mike and Carol have renewed their vows is not really exciting news. No, the exciting part is that there is a couple in the Wimbledon area other than George and Lynne who aren't alliterative. It appears this is the secret of a good marriage.

George says his vows are as fresh as ever. If this is the case, George and Lynne's wedding must have an awkward affair for the guests. George vowed to befriend a drunk, only have three sets of clothes and do anything possible to get a look at his wife naked. Lynne vowed to tell bad jokes, never get a job and show off her tits at every opportunity.

DANCING

2011-06-08T19:14:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are having a dance. Martha tells them that Martin took her dancing the other night. Lynne asks her if she thinks he may be the one. Martha tells her that she got a tingling feeling. Lynne asks her if that is a sign of true love. Martha says that it isn't, but a sign that the clumsy idiot was treading on her toes.

George and Lynne are at another gala. They go to galas most weekends and at least twice a week. As this is a Wednesday, it's gala night. And as usual after the meal, there is dancing.

Martha talks of dancing with Martin, so who is the man she is dancing with now? It can't be Martin as this would make Martha the rudest woman on earth. Is Martha seeing Martin? If she is, why has she gone to a gala with this man. He must be a wealthy benefactor who you don't turn down a dance with. Either that or she is a high class prostitute.

Martin is a dancing enthusiast and hopes that by taking Martha dancing, they can bond over a shared experience. However, Martin is not a good dancer. On the plus side, even though he was treading on Martha's toes, she only got a tingling feeling. This must make Martin a very light man. Perhaps he has an eating disorder, hence why he did not want to go to the gala dinner.

WEATHER

2011-06-07T19:11:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are out and about in the rain. Lynne tells George that a TV weatherman named Wes and TV weathergirl named Wendy have just had a child. George asks if it's a boy or a girl. Lynne says it is a son.

It is raining heavily and both George and Lynne are prepared, wearing overcoats and carrying an umbrella. The weather people have got it spot on of course.

We do not know if Wes and Wendy are married or whether this is the culmination of a brief romance. The story probably would have made the papers and that's where Lynne has picked up on the story. They do not work for a TV channel as Lynne hasn't mentioned it, which means that perhaps they were both sacked for their dalliances.

Lynne says they have had a son, but points to the sun. George will have to be on his toes to get Lynne's joke. She is lucky that the sun is out otherwise the end of the conversation would have been quite boring. Actually, it would have the same as it is, quite boring.

BLADDERWORT-SMYTHS

2011-06-06T19:01:00.002+01:00

Lynne and 'Mantha are out jogging. Lynne points out the Bladderwort-Smyths who are in a car. 'Mantha says she hears they are very rich, so much so that they own a huge place in the home counties. Lynne corrects her and tells her they own one of the home counties.

The Bladderwort-Smyths are an old couple who live nearby and drive around in a Rolls Royce. They are the scorn of the neighbourhood for flashing their wealth for all to see, but the actual extent of their wealth is shrouded in secrecy.

Chinese whispers have taken hold on the subject of the Bladderwort-Smyths. Some say they own Wimbledon, some say, as 'Mantha has heard, a huge place in the home counties. Lynne on the other hand has heard they own one of the home counties.

It is probably likely that Lynne is the sort of person who mishears something but takes it as fact. It is highly unlikely that they own one of the home counties. For this to happen they would have to approach the Queen and offer her a huge sum to take a whole county off her hands and it probably would have been on the news. The most likely explanation is that 'Mantha is correct, but Lynne is too stubborn to accept that and will stick by her story, even after she's been proved wrong.

MAKE-UP

2011-06-02T09:15:00.001+01:00

Lynne is applying her make-up and tells George it her first task every morning. She continues to say that without her make-up, she feels undressed.

In this, the last part of the getting ready trilogy, we join George and Lynne in the morning, perhaps after the gala the night before. Lynne is still drunk so puts on her make-up before she gets into the shower. Later she will sprinkle coffee on her cornflakes and put the dishes in the washing machine.

George is also a little worse for wear. He collapsed in bed last night and didn't take off his shirt or special gold watch, which he only wears on special occasions, like galas. It also look like he was wearing his special small pants too. A treat for Lynne.

The horror of the evening will dawn on them when George finds his car in the driveway, meaning he drove home drunk, tyre tracks in the flower bed, and sick in the sink. A good evening.

TAKING HER TIME

2011-06-01T09:24:00.001+01:00

George is is sitting around. He is waiting for Lynne to get ready and states that Lynne always takes her time getting ready. Lynne slowly gets dressed, putting on each piece of underwear very carefully. At the end George says he is not complaining that Lynne takes her time getting ready.

George is waiting for Lynne but who is he talking to? Has he invited Sammy to sit behind a two-way mirror? Does he have a series of cameras set up in his bedroom which feed to a bank of monitors in his sex dungeon? Whatever is going on, he looks pretty sinister at the beginning.

George could have easily put this time to better use. He could have done his taxes, printed some more fliers for his blues band or finally sorted out the spice drawer. You'd think he'd seen this charade many times before. He must just want to get a good look at Lynne before they come back from the gala, where he plans to get blind steaming drunk. At that point, there's no way Lynne is going to let his busy hands near her stockings.

MATERIAL

2011-05-31T07:48:00.001+01:00

Lynne says that she has always been accused of being a material girl. George doesn't agree because there isn't a lot of material in the dress that Lynne is wearing.

Initially, we do not know where George and Lynne are. It is quite dark judging by the backgrounds. It could be George's sex dungeon.

Lynne is making a reference to the fact she spends a lot of money on trivial items that represent her status. She doesn't need all those shoes and bags, but it makes her feel better. In addition to this, she is a fan of Madonna and has wanted to get the 'Material Girl' reference into casual conversation for quite a while now.

George has not heard the song, nor the phrase, so believes it literally refers to material, hence his last statement. He is a little taken aback by Lynne's dress that he has forgotten to get dressed himself. He is once again in his gardening shirt. It is rare for Lynne to be ready before George.

FEEL

2011-05-27T08:03:00.002+01:00

Lynne is looking at herself in the mirror. She sighs and says she’s not as young as she used to be. George comes in and tells Lynne that she’s only as old as she feels and then adds that she feels pretty good to him.

Lynne is going through a bit of a crisis. In addition to feeling dated, she is now examining her wrinkles in the mirror. This is a mistake. Everyone knows that the harsh light of the bathroom is never flattering.

George, whose tan has lasted longer than Lynne’s, offers up his sympathy. But would you look at the size of his underpants. They are the smallest he has ever worn. A great deal of waxing has gone one there to ensure his pant moustache is not visible.

It appears that George and Lynne don’t have an ensuite bathroom as such, but a sink and mirror in their bedroom, like you find in a B&B. Perhaps George and Lynne’s house used to be a B&B. This may explain the bad water pressure and filthy shower.

DATED

2011-05-26T08:07:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are out and about. Lynne sees an amorous couple and reminisces to George about when they were still dating. George says it was a long time ago and Lynne replies that she knows but she wishes they still were dating, because she now sometimes feels a little dated.

Instead of seeing two people in a clinch on a bench and being embarrassed, George and Lynne feel warmed. However, George looks very happy so might be feeling a little aroused. Hence his actions at the end.

The woman on the bench looks similar to the woman from the gift shop. This could be Harry too, although he is a little blurred and it is difficult to tell. If it is him, he must have finally got round to going to that gift shop. Let's hope he didn't catch anything from Tabitha.

If Lynne felt a little dated in the 1980s, you can only imagine what she feels like now what with the way modern technology has advanced. The 60 year old Lynne is probably hiding under some blankets at home, waiting for the apocalypse.

LONG AND SHORT

2011-05-25T07:29:00.000+01:00

Lynne is trying on dresses in front of George and she asks him if the one she is wearing is too long. She changes and then asks if her current dress is too short. George tells her that both are great and adds that that’s the long and short of it.

George and Lynne are getting ready to go out. From experience, George knows that Lynne will always try on a number of dresses before making her final choice so has not started to get ready himself, but has stayed in his gardening shirt.

Lynne, despite buying a lot of clothes over the years, still does not know the difference between a dress and a skirt. You would think that after all this time she would know, but no, she doesn’t.

The second dress might be too short for the dinner she and George are going to, but unless the first dress is getting caught under her shoes then it really can't be too long. In fact, dresses that drag on the floor have been the style. Maybe that is a little 'out there' for Lynne.

BAD WEATHER

2011-05-23T22:53:00.003+01:00

George and Lynne are at an airport. The woman at the departures desk apologises and says their flight has been cancelled. George asks if it is due to bad weather. A different woman says it is due to bad Heather as the lady co-pilot has a headache.

This is not the check-in desk of the airline but a boarding gate of the airport. Up until this point, the flight was due to leave on time and the gate had been displayed on the boards. George, Lynne and countless other passengers had walked to the boarding gate in good faith only to be told their flight is now delayed.

The woman with the red hair has had to pull rank on the original woman. She is more important and feels it is her duty to tell George the real reason behind the delay. It would sound better coming from her.

What sort of two-bit airline is this that they would delay a flight just because the co-pilot has a headache? You would think that by the time the aspirin kicked in the pilot would have taken off and then the co-pilot would been able to resume her duties. If it was a migraine, then you have to wonder why the co-pilot would be allowed to fly if she was always going to be a liability. It seems that the flight will take off as soon as Heather's headache has gone. One thing's for sure, George and Lynne won't be flying FeminAir again in a hurry.

FORGETTING

2011-05-20T08:06:00.002+01:00

Lynne is in bed. George comes in with a box of chocolates as an apology for forgetting. Lynne asks him what he has forgotten. George says he will keep the chocolates as Lynne herself has forgotten, but Lynne doesn’t let him.

George is in his casual attire but Lynne is in her underwear so it is difficult to know what time of day it is. It must be the weekend, sometime around mid to late afternoon. George has been out in town and has forgotten something, so buys some chocolates.

The real mystery is what George has forgotten. If he was in town but he had time to buy chocolates, then it is unlikely he forgot to buy something for Lynne. Lynne is scantily dressed so he could have forgotten about their planned romantic evening together.

This isn’t right because even Lynne has forgotten. We also know that Lynne usually dresses like this in the day so George could have forgotten anything. The irony would be if George had forgotten to buy Lynne chocolates, but surely neither of them are that stupid.

CLINGY

2011-05-19T06:38:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are getting dressed. Lynne asks George if he thinks the dress she is wearing is a bit clingy. George says it isn't but he is.

George and Lynne are about to go out. Once again they have to go through the ridiculous charade of Lynne trying on all these different dresses so that George gives her a compliment.

In order to get George's attention, Lynne strikes the same pose as she did when she was hailing a cab in harlequin leggings. This must be her, 'everyone look at me pose.' Well it worked then and it's working now.

George is right, the dress isn't clingy. It actually hangs rather than clings to her body. Lynne must have confused the meaning of clingy with revealing. But now because of George, she will wear that out, even though it is in fact a nightie.

LOCKED OUT

2011-05-17T21:38:00.001+01:00

Lynne is recounting a story to George. She tells him that the door slammed shut and she was locked out wearing only a towel. George asks if she got help. Lynne replies that she got help from the police and also the fire brigade, an ambulance, a postman and a window cleaner.

Lynne has a very interesting story to tell George and she insists on launching into it as soon as he gets home from work. He hasn't even had time to loosen his tie. Lynne, on the other hand, didn't bother to get dressed today.

Lynne was outside in only a towel because she was just about to have a bath and decided she wanted a cup of tea whilst in the bath. There was no milk in the fridge so she went outside to see if the milkman had been. He had and as she went out to pick up the milk the door slammed shut, just as Lynne said.

Lots of people came to help Lynne. The window cleaner offered to go up his ladder to open a window, the ambulance was there in case he fell, the postman was there to verify that Lynne actually lived there and the policeman was there so no one reported a break in, thus wasting more police time. This does beg the question of what the fireman was doing there. He just wanted to see if he could look at Lynne's boobs.

SNOOKER CHAMPION

2011-05-16T08:16:00.001+01:00

Lynne and 'Mantha are out. Lynne sees the local snooker champion on crutches and points him out to 'Mantha. 'Mantha is shocked and asks Lynne how he broke his leg. Lynne tells her that he tripped over on a number 147 bus. 'Mantha says that it sounds painful. Lynne agrees and adds that it was the 147 break he didn't want.

Wimbledon has a local snooker champion. Lynne does not tell us which snooker championship he won but it was likely to be the Wimbledon Open. If he was a professional, he probably wouldn't be getting the bus.

'Mantha doesn't read the local newspaper so doesn't know about the snooker champion's accident. She prefers to ask Lynne about any news because it gives them something to talk about. Without that conversation starter, they would most likely be sitting in silence.

The snooker champion was on the 147 bus when he broke his leg. We don't know exactly why he was in the Wanstead/Plaistow area. He might have been going to watch West Ham United. He has decided not to sue Transport For London as the unwanted attention might affect his training. Lynne looks very angry at the end. She had a large bet on him winning the South West London Championship.

STAIRS

2011-05-12T19:16:00.000+01:00

George and Lynne are in a hotel. A woman tells her husband, Arnold, that they should take the stairs. Upon hearing this, George suggests to Lynne that they do the same. Lynne says she doesn't want to walk up four floors and that the lift is coming anyway. When the lift arrives she asks the lift operator where he's been. He replies that by asking Lynne where anyone goes in a lift.

George and Lynne are on a weekend away. They are staying in quite a fancy hotel and judging by George's attire they have just come back from dinner. George and Lynne's room is on the fourth floor and as it's late, Lynne does not feel like walking.

The hotel is so fancy it has an old style lift which needs an operator. This means that unless the lift stops after a certain time, the operator has to work all night. When the lift does come, Lynne is very rude to the operator. He only looks young and is only doing this job so he can have a little extra money in his pocket for the weekends. Lynne takes her anger at George for suggesting they walk out on the operator.

Not willing to take that sort of abuse, the lift operator throws all lift operating etiquette out of the window and answers in a condescending manner. Had Lynne actually understood what the lift operator meant, she may have reported him to the manager. George sees that Lynne is drunk so quietly apologises to the lift operator and takes her to bed.

Note: There is literally nothing funny about this cartoon.

MY DRESS

2011-05-11T19:03:00.000+01:00

Lynne is at her dresser in her underwear getting ready to go out. She tells George that she asked him to pick up her dress from the dry cleaners. She then says that she now has nothing to wear. George, who is dressed, hugs Lynne and says that it is just the way he likes it.

George and Lynne are about to go out. Even though Lynne knows her dress is still at the dry cleaners she has still decided to put her make-up on. Whether she actually thinks she will be going out in only her underwear we don't know. She may think that George is playing a cruel trick on her.

Lynne is trying to make George feel guilty for his trick by wiping away a tear and saying she has nothing to wear. She had her heart set on wearing that dress. All George wanted to do was hug his wife and now he's made his wife cry.

As his plan backfires, George knows he needs to get the pay-off sooner rather than later otherwise it would have been all worthless. So he grabs Lynne and squeezes and shakes her. Soon enough, Lynne gets a little scared and has to tell George to stop. It is awkward for a bit but it soon blows over.

LOCAL ROADS

2011-05-10T19:18:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are in bed. Lynne is reading the paper and tells George that the poor state of local roads continue to give cause for concern. The goes on to say that one group is happy with the situation namely the local pot-holing club who have just begun to explore the high street. George looks shocked.

The local paper that Lynne is reading is quite thin. The editors who run the paper have yet to cotton on to filling up pages with advertisements which not only make the paper look bulkier but give it a much needed revenue stream. Perhaps the sales department is only in its early stages.

It appears that the holes in the high street are so bad that the pot holing club is using them. This begs two questions: Firstly how have the local council let the state of the roads get so bad that people can actually climb down into the holes and secondly why Wimbledon has a pot holing club. It's no wonder the club are so happy – they finally have a chance to actually go pot holing, after years of AGMs and meetings. This will go down as a landmark year for the club.

Meanwhile, the council really need to sort out the high street. One car crash and they're going to have a compensation case on their hands so big that the cost of fixing the roads will pale in comparison.

LEGS AND BOOBS

2011-05-09T18:59:00.003+01:00

Lynne is in the bath and on the phone to an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that she has applied for the job as Mr Valentino's secretary. Lynne tells her to watch him as she's heard he treats woman as sex objects. Lynne's friend says that he was fine with and said she had all the right qualifications. Lynne thinks this is typing and computer skills but the friend says it is long legs and big boobs.

Mr Valentino is well known in Wimbledon. Where he works or what he does we do not know but we do know he has been advertising for a secretary. Either his workload has increased so much that he now needs one or the previous one left.

Lynne has failed to use the plural of woman when she warns her friend. She may have wanted to say 'his woman' but that would imply that Lynne's friend was entering into more than a business relationship with him.

This being the 1980s, Mr Valentino is able to hire his secretaries based purely on their looks, with no formal qualifications needed. Lynne's friend's boobs are so big, a pre-requisite for Mr Valentino, that she can't even stand up straight. Perfect for filing, not so good for typing up letters.

IRON

2011-05-05T19:16:00.001+01:00

Lynne is doing the ironing. She thinks that there are too many of George's shirts to iron. George comes in shirtless and asks Lynne what is going on. Lynne says that it is a one woman walk out and that she isn't doing any more ironing. She adds that she is striking while the iron is hot.

George has no shirts to wear and has demanded that Lynne iron them because there is no way in hell he will iron his own shirts. He owns eight shirts. Three pink, three blue and two beige. This is odd because whenever he returns from work he is usually wearing a white shirt. This means that Lynne has ruined his shirts by putting colours in with them. How she got three different colours out of one wash is something to marvel at.

George's question is not about Lynne's ironing but why there is water all over the kitchen and all his shirts are not white and in a wet heap on the ironing board. Lynne's proclamation of a strike has just confused him.

If George knows best, he will run downstairs before Lynne's reckless iron positioning sets the living room on fire. She doesn't understand about heat.

CREDIT CARD

2011-05-04T19:14:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are out. Lynne tells George that he is the love of her life and her best friend. George asks Lynne if she's sure about that. Lynne confirms that he is the love of her life but her best friend is her credit card. George expects her to say something like that.

George has gone out holding a small pig. At first glance it looks as though it maybe his money box. He has lost his wallet and for some reason he sees his piggy bank as a substitute to carry his money around in. We may chuckle at George's idea, but this could be a sign of early onset dementia.

By the time the attractive woman turns up, it seems that this is not a piggy bank at all but a real miniature pig. Its ears are clearly in a different position and it looks a little alarmed. The attractive lady has seen George holding the miniature pig but decides to not say anything.

Lynne has not mentioned the pig either. This is because she had bought it with her credit card, hence her comment. George is so marvelled at how small the pig is that he doesn't even ask her how much it cost. They are priced at £700 now so just think what it must have cost Lynne.

LOCAL MP

2011-05-03T19:03:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are in bed. Lynne tells George that their local MP was caught in a compromising position. George is alarmed that this has happened again and asks Lynne who she was this time. Lynne says it was his wife which was a big shock to everyone.

George and Lynne are getting amorous on their bed with the massive heart shaped pillow and Lynne ruins the mood by discussing current affairs. Initially, it does not turn George off. Perhaps this is some sort of role-play involving being a local news reporter and her boss.

The MP's infidelity is of no surprise to George. The MP is some sort of Wimbledon Silvio Berlusconi and his extra-curricular activities only serve to increase his profile. Rumour has it that he doesn't actually bed any of these women, but it is merely a PR stunt to help his exposure.

Finally George is turned off by Lynne's chit chat. He was hoping she was going to talk about what the MP and his mistress were getting up to in bed, but instead Lynne had ruined the mood with a feeble joke. There is no way the MP being photographed in bed with his own wife would make the news, even it was only the local news. George is disgusted that Lynne would jeopardise their one night a week of love making for the sake of a gag.

DARIUS

2011-04-28T22:43:00.001+01:00

Lynne is out with an unnamed friend. They walk past a restaurant and the friend says that she loves Greek food. Inside Lynne points out Darius. The friend is quite taken with him and asks Lynne is he's married. Lynne says that he is and her friend says that it is a Greek tragedy.

Lynne and her friend are meeting up for a regular catch up. As they walk the streets, they pass a restaurant which Lynne knows about. She suggests it to her friend who likes the idea as she loves Greek food. We can only presume that Lynne told her what sort of food it was. Either that or there were lots of broken plates on the pavement outside.

Lynne must know the owner, Darius, as she points him out to her friend. Knowing the owner will help Lynne secure a table, as it does look quite busy. In fact, Lynne was left the task of booking a table at a restaurant for their catch up. She completely forgot and has had to think on her feet to find somewhere on this, the busiest day of the year. She knows that Darius will fit her in as he has a crush on her, despite being married.

Lynne's friend is attracted to Darius. Why anyone would fancy a man with hair like that is a mystery, but this is the Eighties and anything and everything happened then.

CAB

2011-04-27T20:57:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are in town and need to get somewhere. George is trying to flag down a cab but it is not working and tells Lynne so. Lynne tells George she'll be back in a moment. She then tries to hail a cab herself, leaving George to remark on her cab flagging method.

George and Lynne are on Oxford Street. The buses and taxis are flying past but not one wants to stop for George. He should try incorporating a loud whistle into his technique. Or he should move a bit further down the road.

Lynne technique is to reveal some harlequin style leggings and do a little jig. She has already got the attention of two cabs but we don't know if their lights are on, and therefore available for hire. It could be that they are just slowing down to have a look.

If these cabs are not stopping then George and Lynne will be late for the theatre. If they had looked at a map beforehand, they would have known it would have been quicker to walk through Soho to get to Shaftesbury Avenue. They'll know better next time.

BRUNETTE

2011-04-26T19:03:00.002+01:00

George and Lynne are at home. George tells Lynne not to forget about their new neighbours' party tonight. Lynne tells George that she's bought a new hair colour specially.

She goes on to say that she thought she'd try being a brunette for a change. George says that is looks like Lynne is dyeing to meet them.

Lynne is quite forgetful so George has to constantly remind her about the social engagements they have booked together. Just last week she forgot about a gala dinner. She was fast asleep at 6 o'clock, leaving George to attend on his own, much to his and his colleagues annoyance, who had all been taking bets on what sort of outrageous outfit Lynne would be wearing that night.

This party is being hosted by the new neighbours who have presumably just moved into the area. Lynne is going to surprise them by dyeing her natural blonde hair brown. This will completely throw them as they have seen a blonde woman leaving that house. As they live down the road, they have not yet had a chance to see her face. They will presume the dark haired woman is George's wife but think the blonde woman is his mistress. They will be feeling very awkward and will probably not to socialise with George, although his poor unsuspecting wife is fantastic company. Soon they will confront Lynne to tell her that her husband is having an affair. She will believe them and a huge row will break out with George threatening to leave, all because Lynne dyed her hair.

COLD FEET

2011-04-21T22:51:00.001+01:00

George meets Lynne at her taxi and shelters her from the rain with an umbrella. He asks how her girls night out was. Lynne says it was terrible because the male stripper refused to take his clothes off. George asks if he got cold feet to which Lynne replies that as he didn't take his clothes off he didn't get a cold anything.

Lynne has been out with her girlfriends and George has stayed at home. He enjoyed his night in and had a whiskey in the bath whilst listening to Genesis. He then got into his dressing gown and watched the news. This was a good night for George.

Lynne on the other hand had organised a raucous night with her friends. It wasn't even a hen do but they still hired a stripper to entertain them. They were all clawing at him and he decided to end the show as the rules clearly stated that the customers were not allowed to touch.

The stripper stormed out and was rigorously baited by the women. They have now been blacklisted by both the stripper service and the bar. When those women go out together, they really go out.

CONDOLENCES

2011-04-20T23:44:00.000+01:00

George and Lynne are asked to sign a book of condolences by a bald man. George says that it seems rather unusual. The bald man says that today it's very appropriate. Lynne adds that under the circumstances the bald man is right. She sees an unhappy bride and an ugly groom and says 'poor girl.'

George and Lynne are at a wedding. The bald man is in charge of the book, usually reserved for congratulations but this time is being used for condolences because of the mismatch of the bride and groom. The bald man must be a friend or relative of either the bride or groom. Judging that he is in charge of the book means he is either the best man or usher, or the father of the bride. Either way, he is not a very good friend or father.

If he was a friend of the ugly groom, he should be happy that his friend has, against all odds, bagged himself an attractive wife. No one thought it would happen but it has. If he is the father of the bride, he should never have allowed this to happen. He should have had a stern word with his daughter that she was marrying a deeply ugly man.

It could be that the bride was adamant she wanted to marry the ugly man but she seems very sad that her husband is as ugly as he is. Did she not realise who she was marrying? The only explanation is that she is from Eastern Europe and the only way to stay in the country is to marry an Englishman. The ugly man was the only man available so he had to do. It still begs the question of what George and Lynne are doing at the wedding. Do they feel it's their right to go to everything that happens in Wimbledon?

ONIONS

2011-04-19T19:10:00.002+01:00

George arrives home to find Lynne crying. Lynne says it is only a few tears. George tells he will take Lynne out to dinner to cheer her up. Lynne says that manipulating your man is knowing your onions whilst chopping onions.

To explain this episode we must jump to the end. Lynne has foxed George into taking her for dinner by cutting onions which have made her cry. She has orchestrated this entire event to both get out of making dinner and and get taken out to dinner. She has done a good job at it as her entire plan has worked.

The main question here is why does she go back to cutting the onions? She has won. She should be upstairs getting dressed for her dinner. But instead she goes back to the onions which will make her cry more and she will be wasting a perfectly good onion. The fact is that the onions only provide Lynne with a limited amount of tears. In order to keep up the charade she must continue to cry a bit until she goes upstairs. She will also need to come up with a reason why she is crying as the smell of onions will soon enough make George a little suspicious.

LIPOSUCTION

2011-04-18T19:39:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are on the beach with an unnamed friend. She tells Lynne she plans to use liposuction to get rid of some ugly unsightly fat. Lynne tells her she has a fantastic figure. The friend tells Lynne that the liposuction was for her husband but she's decided to divorce him instead.

It's the first warm day of the year so naturally everyone south of Watford has flocked to the coast in the vain attempt of getting a tan. Lynne and her friend have not caught the sun but George is positively golden. He has however fallen asleep and needs to be careful he doesn't get burned.

In the time Lynne tells her friend that she has a fantastic figure, she has decided against liposuction for her husband, for whom it was originally intended, and opted for a divorce. When the man in the foreground comes into earshot, the woman makes a point of emphasising the words 'divorce him' so he can hear. We assume the man in the foreground is her husband, however she is actually attracted to that man and wants to give him the impression that she is available as her marriage is going through a rough patch.

The friend's shouting has woken George up and he looks a little worse for wear. He is still tanned but by the look on his face he did not intend to get that brown. His skin may have tightened somewhat. The drive back to the city could be a little painful.

HAPPINESS

2011-04-14T19:44:00.000+01:00

Lynne is washing the car and sees a man leaving. She asks George who the man was. George says it is his much married friend Martin who has at last found out what true happiness is. Lynne asks if this is a good woman but George replies that it is a good divorce lawyer. Lynne throws a sponge at George

George has been entertaining a man who Lynne has never met yet she is still happy enough to wash George's car without a top on. It also seems that she has been doing this at the front of the house, in full view of all the neighbours. It could be that the building George and Martin have emerged from is in fact George's garage and the car is parked round the side of the house.

George has thus been entertaining Martin in his garage. He also needed the car to be out of the garage and for Lynne to be busy during this time. What has George been getting up to in there? The logical explanation is that George was showing Martin some structural damage that Martin could help him with but it could be more complicated than that.

The actual reason is that George and Martin are forming a blues band. They were seeing if George's garage would be able to house their rehearsals and if George's old printing machine could knock out a few flyers. Despite not being able to play their instruments yet, George and Martin want to create a buzz in the Wimbledon area. The first gig, down the Ferryboat naturally, will be a sell out.

POETRY

2011-04-13T20:24:00.000+01:00

Lynne is lying in the garden reading a book of love poems. She tells George who is mowing the lawn. He doesn't hear and asks Lynne what she said. Lynne tells him not to mind.

Project garden has found new legs over at George and Lynne's place. George has decided to tackle the lawn as it has now got to dangerous lengths. Lynne has found a patch of cut lawn and bedded down with her book.

Lynne's book of love poems is unimaginatively entitled Love Poems and has no single author so is more likely a compilation of famous love poems. It doesn't have an inspiring cover either, but this is probably because it is a hard back and Lynne has left the dust jacket inside in case it was caught by a gust of wind and goes into George's mower. Lynne likes a tidy bookshelf.

George doesn't hear Lynne's comment and so switches his lawnmower off. He has given Lynne sufficent time and noise level to repeat her statement but instead she decides against it. She slams her head on the book, most likely creasing a page or two. It makes leaving the dust jacket inside a little pointless.

NEW PLAY

2011-04-12T17:03:00.001+01:00

Lynne and 'Mantha have gone horseriding. Lynne tells 'Mantha that Ray play a visitor from outer space in his new play. 'Mantha says it sounds exciting and asks Lynne more about the plot. Lynne tells her that the character has no passport or visa so he is sent home as an illegal alien.

Ray, from Valentino, is a keen dramatist. There were rumours that he was underage but now that Lynne has been talking about him to 'Mantha suggests that he is the local luvvie who puts on wildly adventurous amateur plays which are the talk of the town.

Everyone in Wimbledon knows Ray's plays are terrible but they still support him. On this occasion, 'Mantha seems really interested in the plot of the play as she thoroughly enjoyed the last one, despite its poor production values.

It is difficult to know if Ray's play is a comedy or a sci-fi adventure. From Lynne's description it might be a parody of science fiction films but neither 'Mantha or Lynne are laughing. In fact, Ray's play is a hard hitting allegory of the government's policies on immigration. Ray is very liberal with his beliefs and believes in equal rights for all. Whether his message comes out through all the make-up and special effects remains to be seen.

FEARS

2011-04-11T22:25:00.001+01:00

Lynne is on the phone. She wants confirmation from her friend that her first husband had a fear of open spaces. The friend does confirm this and adds that her second husband had a fear of enclosed spaces. Lynne asks about husband number three and she is told he has a fear of parking spaces.

Lynne is on the phone but she is outside. As mobile phones were not commonplace in the mid-80s, Lynne must be on a cordless phone that has a good range and she is standing out the back of a house. Her house does not have red bricks so it must be someone else's house. She has asked to use the phone and is cheekily making a social call.

The woman on the the other end of the phone says her husband had a fear of closed spaces. This could be the man from Married. He was once married but is now not. The fact that this woman is now on husband number three suggests she either makes bad decisions or is difficult to live with. The conclusion was made that she was suffocating the man, so she must be a difficult wife.

As the full episode is revealed, we see that the woman Lynne is talking to is just the other side of the road. This means that Lynne is not on the phone at all but is using the walkies talkies from Camping. She bought a job lot and gave a load to her friends. The only problem with this is that she has to take twelve different sets out whenever she leaves the house.

METALLIC

2011-04-07T23:26:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are with a friend called Liz. Lynne looks at a portly man in the foreground. She tell Liz that she knows her well enough to ask about her and Lionel, that he's much older than her. Liz says that he's reached the metallic age; silver in the hair, gold in the teeth – something she's accepted – and lead in the feet. She adds at the end that he is a darling.

This could be George and Lynne's back garden. We know it has a reputation for being overgrown, but this does look more like a wood than their back garden. It could be that they are in a campsite, and the walk from the camping area to the shower is through a deep forest. With all the sticks and stones on the ground, walking in bare feet might not be such a good idea.

Liz had married Lionel, who is much older than her. It has taken Lynne this long to comment on their relationship, which suggests that she did not know them before they were married. For once, someone in Wimbledon has not married an older man just for their money. Liz seems to genuinely like Lionel, which is refreshing.

Liz describes Lionel as having lead in his feet. Initially, it would seem she means that he is quite slow. However from the last frame, it seems that she means his feet are very heavy as he seems to have sunk into the ground. George, Lynne and Liz should help him immediately before he sinks deeper and starts to suffocate. They should also be careful they don't get sucked in themselves. After they have done all this, they should report to the campsite manager that the path to the showers has an area of quicksand so that a sign can be erected without delay.

LOVE OR MONEY

2011-04-06T19:53:00.001+01:00

George is outside hanging the washing up when Judy comes round and asks if Lynne is about. George tells her that she is still sleeping like a log. The phone rings. George answers it and tells 'Mantha that Lynne hasn't surfaced yet and that he can't waken her for love or money. Lynne then appears and tells George that he never tried money.

It is a warm day and George sees this as an ideal opportunity to hang the washing outside to dry. As he says that Lynne is still sleeping, this must be a Saturday morning, but late morning as Judy expected her to be up. George realised he had no clean clothes, hence why he is only wearing his pants, so had to get up and do a wash. He'll have to stay like that until his clothes dry. If he really is down to his last clothes, it's a wonder why he is putting out Lynne's underwear to dry first.

When George answers the phone, he is still in his underwear, so his clothes haven't dried yet. When Lynne appears she is also without clothes. It seems George was right to put Lynne's clothes out to dry. Whereas he has at least one pair of clean pants, Lynne has none and so has to walk around in the nude until her clothes are dry.

Lynne has been eavesdropping George's phone conversation with 'Mantha. She must not want to talk to 'Mantha if she heard the conversation as she did not interrupt George to tell him she was up. This makes you wonder whether she didn't want to talk to Judy either. The more believable reason would be that she didn't want to talk to Judy whilst naked. A little awkward.

GOVERNMENT

2011-04-05T20:06:00.000+01:00

George and Lynne are eating dinner. George says he misses kidney in his pork chop and adds that the government should never have let the EEC dictate to British butchers. Lynne agrees. Later, when they are watching television, George says that he doesn't want his movie interrupted by the news just because Whitehall says so. Lynne agrees. Later, Lynne is on the phone to Judy and tells her that men need a wife to have someone to blame when they can't blame the government.

George has been reading The Sun again. He has been told that the EEC have told British butchers that they cannot sell a pork chops with the kidney through the middle, but naturally he blames the government, which is most likely the one belonging to Mrs Thatcher. He also doesn't like the ITV film being interrupted, especially when it's Moonraker. He will definitely be voting Labour at the next election, not that it will do any good.

It seems that something has happened that we have missed. Lynne is complaining to Judy but we have not seen George blame Lynne for anything. Either George laid into Lynne before we joined the episode or he has done so after he has complained about the news. Lynne has no real right to complain to Judy if he hasn't done so. He must have blamed Lynne for buying the wrong wine or for taking up all the sofa. Lynne is phoning Judy because she wants to tell her that George has hit her, as was the style of the times, but she can't bring herself to do it. When she puts the phone down and turns back towards us, she will reveal a massive black eye. That'll teach her for voting Conservative.

ARGUMENT

2011-04-04T20:57:00.003+01:00

George and Lynne are sitting on their bed naked. George suggests to Lynne they make it up. They start to make the bed and George continues, saying it was a stupid argument. Lynne agrees, especially about George's side of it. George rubs his temples and says it is like trying to blow out an electric light bulb.

George and Lynne have had an argument, presumably about how to make the bed. They have agreed to disagree about the correct manner; George thought it was best to put the whole duvet in the sheet and shake it, whereas Lynne wanted to put the corners in and slowly bring the sheet down. They have decided to do it the quickest way, rather than the one which yields the best results as it is now late and George has work in the morning.

When Lynne calls his side of the argument stupid, George is at the end of his tether. He likens reasoning with Lynne to blowing out an electric lightbulb – impossible. Why he needed to say electric is confusing. Does this mean that firstly there are such things as non-electric lightbulbs, and also that George has blown one out? A non-electric lightbulb must be a candle in a glass bulb. This would be equally difficult to blow out and besides, the lack of oxygen would mean it would be very difficult to keep it alight anyway. Let's hope Lynne doesn't tell him of his error, he might be liable to strike her.

BASKETS

2011-03-31T22:30:00.001+01:00

George and Lynne are at a basketball game. George asks a friend which player she is married to. The friend says the one with the ball, who is very tall. As he scores another basket, someone says that he certainly looks good at putting things in baskets. The friend agrees and says it is very useful in supermarkets.

George and Lynne are at a basketball game but it looks more like an exhibition as there are only seats on one side of the arena. The man they are talking about is much much taller than everyone else, so the exhibition must be in his honour. This is to try to get American basketball teams to sign him. So it is a wonder why George doesn't know who the husband is.

The basketball player plays for Wimbledon, hence the W on his shirt, and likes to train a lot. He wants to get into the NBA and often spends his evenings training. Due to this, some of the only quality time he gets to spend with his wife is right after training, leaving him no time to change. His wife doesn't care though because she likes him to get the baked beans from the top shelf.

If he gets his NBA contract, she won't need him as she can get all her groceries delivered; the irony.

CAUGHT NAKED

2011-03-30T20:12:00.000+01:00

Lynne and 'Mantha are applying their make-up. Lynne tells 'Mantha that a man called at her house the other day and caught her naked. 'Mantha says that that is a bit embarrassing but adds that after all, Lynne has a great figure. Lynne says that she meant naked as in with no make-up on. 'Mantha says wow.

Halfway through an evening, Lynne and 'Mantha decide they need to reapply their make-up as this is the mirror of a ladies lavatory somewhere. Make-up is supposed to stay on the entire night, with the exception of lipstick which is usually re-applied, so either the make-up they used is extremely shoddy or someone has been manhandling their faces throughout the evening.

They might be in some seedy club. George knows the owner and has reserved a back booth. There, under cover of low lighting, Sammy and George have been allowed to ravage their wives, and perhaps each other's wives, without fear of embarrassment of being spotted by the locals.

'Mantha is now so bored of Lynne's set-up and deliver schtick that she has taken to sarcasm to get through them. Here she is pretending to be absolutely shocked by Lynne's story when in fact she is shocked that her jokes couldn't get any worse. You wonder why she puts up with it and still hangs out with Lynne. Two words: back booth.

CHOCOLATES

2011-03-29T21:18:00.003+01:00

George is holding a paper and tells Lynne that he's just read that chocolate's very bad for you. Lynne points out that George doesn't eat it. He then produces a box of chocolates and points out that Lynne does eat them. Lynne is happy and George says that that is good for him.

If you look closely, George is hiding the chocolates at the beginning of this episode, meaning that his preamble was just a set up to give Lynne the box. She is wearing a night dress of some sort and George is wearing his only suit. He must be late home and is pre-empting an outburst from Lynne by giving her a peace offering.

George's plan works and he shows he is pleased with that by breaking the proverbial fourth wall and winking at the reader. However in his world, there is no reader. So just who is George winking at? It would seem that since stopping drinking, Sammy's intellect has heightened significantly and he is coming up with ingenious ideas to help George out of tight fixes. Sammy was out the front of the house waiting for the all clear from George that the plan worked. Now it has, Sammy can go home.

BRAZEN HUSSY

2011-03-28T20:27:00.003+01:00

Lynne is talking to a male friend and asks him if he knows Tabitha. He says he does and confirms that she is the brazen hussy who throws herself at men. Lynne asks him if that bothers him. A woman is seen sprawled over him as he says that it doesn't bother him.

It is very busy in town. As Lynne sits on the bench with her friend, all manner of activities are going on. The man on on the left is performing a mime in a leotard and on the right is a local goth. Anarchy has also broken loose as a woman on a moped has mounted the kerb and is wantonly riding through the square. Lynne doesn't look perturbed by this dangerous driving despite the fact that her toes were nearly run over.

The man Lynne is talking to seems to be Harry. He has had a past with different ladies so it is no surprise that he knows of Tabitha. Anyone with a desire for men has slept with Harry at one point. Who knows what diseases he has. Lynne might be catching something right now.

We must assume that this woman with the bad perm is Tabitha. She has thrown herself at Harry in a manner which is fitting to her description. Lynne looks like she is about to make her excuses and leave. If she hasn't caught anything from Harry then just looking at Tabitha is likely to give her a nasty rash. Akin to unifying boxing titles, Harry and Tabitha must be trying to bring together all the STDs in Wimbledon.

CAKE

2011-03-25T20:13:00.001Z

Lynne is in the back of a car. She tells the driver that a near-naked woman jumped out of a cake on her husband's birthday. The driver asks Lynne if she was not happy about it. Lynne says that she didn't mind as the scantily dressed woman was her.

It looks like Lynne is in a taxi. This is an odd conversation to share with a taxi driver given that the only other thing she has said to him is her destination. The taxi driver looks thoroughly uninterested in Lynne's conversation but realises he has to play along as she's going to tell him anyway.

So for George's birthday, Lynne jumped out of a cake akin to a stripper. For some reason, all of George's friends, which include Sammy and 'Mantha, seem to think this was a great thing to do. It may be that it was a surprise and this was how Lynne made her entrance. If that was the case, beforehand wouldn't George be really annoyed that his own wife hadn't bothered to show up to his own birthday? It's not like she does anything all day.

The woman with the bob haircut is really matching 'Mantha on the earring stakes. Later there will be evil eyes across the room and Lynne, still wearing only a bikini, will have to calm the situation.

TRAFFIC

2011-03-24T19:24:00.001Z

George and Lynne are in the car when they see a crash ahead of them. Lynne tells George that at this rate they'll be late to meet Mike and Clare. George adds that the traffic is terrible today. They arrive at the funfair for which Lynne is relieved. George asks what ride they should go on first and Lynne replies that she doesn't want to go on the dodgems.

George and Lynne are late to meet Mike and Clare at the funfair. George says the traffic is terrible but to be honest the reason they are late is not really traffic but a car crash. This may have been caused when tempers flared due to bad traffic, but it is two dented cars, and a policeman, which are blocking his way. He would have to wait until the breakdown trucks arrive before they'll be on their way.

Even though they are late, George and Lynne manage to get a parking spot right next to the rides. This suggests that this funfair is not very popular. Either that or they are so late that people are going home and the fair is close to closing down. The lights are on around some of the rides.

Lynne doesn't want to go on the dodgems because they remind her of the crash she witnessed earlier in the day. The harrowing sight of bodies over the road is still fresh in her mind and crashing into other cars will no doubt bring up those memories. George will not want to have to deal with a screaming Lynne.

ROLLERCOASTER

2011-03-23T07:44:00.002Z

George and Lynne are on a rollercoaster. George tells Lynne that Uncle Bob is terrified of rollercoasters. Lynne sympathises. George continues by telling Lynne that Uncle Bob said he'd only go on one if it has parachutes. Lynne thinks this is a silly idea and says that ejection seats would be much better. George agrees and is scared by the rollercoaster.

It looks like George and Lynne have taken a trip down to Thorpe Park as Chessington is yet to turn from a zoo into a theme park. Thorpe Park itself wasn't that great in the 1980s, what with only Space Station Zero and Phantom Phantasia being the good rides. This may not be anywhere in England. It now seems they have gone abroad, perhaps Florida. This would explain why George is only wearing a t-shirt.

George tells Lynne of Uncle Bob's phobia. It is not clear just whose uncle Uncle Bob is. As George doesn't use the term 'my uncle', Uncle Bob might be one of those uncles who was a friend of his father's rather than his brother. Lynne has met him too and he is now just referred to as 'Uncle Bob'.

Lynne is right, it would be a silly idea to go on a rollercoaster with parachutes. Uncle Bob was probably getting at that if he had a parachute, he could jump off at any time. Lynne thinks that ejection seats, she means ejector seats, would be better, but this is as equally a silly idea. Ejector seats without parachutes would mean that after being fired into the air, she would plummet to her death. If she combined her idea with Uncle Bob's, she might have a better solution, but to go on a ride which fires you into the air and then made you pull a parachute is far more terrifying than just a normal rollercoaster.

BITE

2011-03-21T19:16:00.003Z

George and Lynne are out by the river. George is fishing and complains to Lynne that he has had not so much as a bite all day. He is then stung by an insect. Lynne consoles him by saying that at last he got a bite. George curses his luck.

Even though they are sat on a muddy bank of the Thames, Lynne still thinks its Benidorm and strips down to her very revealing bikini. It can't be that hot as George is still in a heavy denim shirt and cords, although he has decided to roll up his sleeves a little bit. That said, George has been sitting still so he might not feel as warm as Lynne who has been jumping about a bit, much to the enjoyment of the other fishermen.

George is bitten by an insect, probably a mosquito or midge or even a horsefly. Either way, his reaction is justified as it can be quite a shock if he didn't expect it. That said, he has been sitting round slow flowing water on a relatively warm day, so it was bound to happen sooner or later.

As Lynne consoles George, she has surreptitiously put some ointment on her finger and disguised its application by squeezing George's neck. George is quite childish when it comes to insect bites and Lynne knows he would have had a bit of a fuss if she tried to put cream on the bite. Lynne is a loving wife.

BLACK EYES

2011-03-17T20:03:00.002Z

George and Lynne are in court. A solicitor asks a doctor how he would describe the injuries sustained by the plaintiff. The doctor replies that he had bilateral peri-orbital haematomas. George and Lynne are now in a hospital. Lynne asks Ted exactly what the damage was. Ted replies that it was two lovely black eyes and points to them.

George and Lynne have gone to court but they are there merely as observers. We know this because if they were there as witnesses, they would have known what happened to Ted. Ted is not in court, he is in hospital but it seems strange that he is in hospital if he only has two black eyes.

There is something going on here. Ted was obviously attacked by someone and is now suing his attacker for an amount of money. This is not a criminal court, but a civil one. Ted is pretending to be more injured than he actually is and has asked to stay in hospital so it looks like he was seriously hurt. He also asked his doctor to lie for him. His doctor said he wouldn't, but as they are good friends he will describe the injuries in full medical terms so to confuse the jury.

We don't know what the jury's decision was but George and Lynne are seeing Ted to pass on the news. If they were followed they may have blown Ted's lie wide open. That said, no one has committed perjury so there is no evidence against Ted. Whatever happened to Ted, by the way he's acting he probably deserved it.

COMPLETE PACKAGE

2011-03-16T19:05:00.001Z

George is in the pub with some friends. One says his girl has a lovely legs, the next says his has a nice bum and the last friend says lovely boobs. George is asked about his girl. Lynne arrives and George says he has got the complete package. All the men look at Lynne.

Due to Sammy's new teetotal lifestyle, George has had to find new friends to drink with. They are of equal age to George, somewhere around their early 40s, although the man with the moustache, who might be Bill Beaumont, looks a little older. It could be that Bill has decided to buy a series of properties in Wimbledon, all possible from his lucrative Question Of Sport contract, and George and his business pals are schmoozing him down the Ferryboat Inn.

As with all men conversations in the pub, the chat turns to women. Each man tries to out do each other but Bill looks a little uncomfortable with the way it's turning. The man with the glasses has misread the situation and may have scuppered the deal. The man in the pink t-shirt goes along with it but wasn't really listening to why they are saying these things so just chips in with 'lovely boobs' so not to feel left out.

When Lynne turns up, the deal is back on. Bill Beaumont decides that Wimbledon really is the place for him if the women who live there are as attractive as Lynne. The man in the pink t-shirt is the only one who isn't that interested in Lynne. He is annoyed that she has turned up in a position that causes him to turn his head whereas before all he had to do was look forward.

WEIGHT LOSS

2011-03-14T19:23:00.002Z

Lynne is in the bathroom weighing herself. She is shocked at the scales and tells George that she thinks she's put on weight. George tells her not to worry as he knows an instant way of losing weight. Lynne throws off her clothes at George while he says that that is the sort of weight loss programme he appreciates.

Halfway through getting ready to go out, Lynne decides to weigh herself. She is wary of the amount of slap up dinners she has been having recently and decides to check if they've been having an effect on her weight. She was also alerted to do this as she had trouble putting on the dress she was planning to wear.

George says he knows of a good way to lose weight but we don't get to hear what it is. It's a wonder that George hasn't marketed his unique weight loss techniques. He would have been a millionaire and would be able to afford as many slap up meals as he wanted and eaten as many without any ill-effect.

Wearing high-heeled shoes is not recommended when weighing yourself. The pressure will give an adverse reading, which probably caused Lynne to shriek. She thinks that removing her clothes will get her down to her desired weight, but just removing her shoes might have done the same thing. Unless of course her basque is lead lined. It does seem to be holding its shape very well and George is in a hurry to get out of the way of it.

APPEALING

2011-03-11T07:52:00.003Z

George and Lynne are getting ready to go out. Lynne tries on a series of dresses which George thinks are too revealing and then too concealing. The final dress is, according to George, perfectly appealing.

Lynne is playing with George and he doesn't realise. They are getting ready to go to dinner at the house of a senior partner of his company. He has told George to tell his wife, Lynne, to wear something that shows off her figure but which isn't too revealing. George mentioned this in passing when the invite went out and Lynne has been waiting for her opportunity to tease him.

Having found a suitable dress, the one she was always going to wear, George will soon realise that it is too short and he can see her underpants. Having sorted out that wardrobe malfunction it will be time to turn to George's attire. He is insisting on wearing that blue shirt with a keyboard tie. Lynne will veto it and having already been in a foul mood for her joke backfiring will end up wearing the second dress just to spite George. This will not go down well at dinner.

ACCEPTING FAULTS

2011-03-09T17:42:00.001Z

Lynne and 'Mantha are out shopping. 'Mantha comments that Lynne and George never seem to exchange a cross word. Lynne agrees by saying they hardly ever do and that she accepts his faults. She adds that he accepts that she doesn't have any faults.

Lynne and 'Mantha are shopping for dresses. 'Mantha has tried on a green number but has decided it isn't for her and puts it back, ready to put her purple smock back on. Lynne has picked out a pink dress and is admiring herself in it.

'Mantha is asking Lynne this question because she has had another blazing row with Sammy. Since coming off the drink, he barely leaves the house in case the temptation to go to the pub defeats him again. He has always associated outside activities with drinking and has not been able to have fun since 'Mantha delivered her ultimatum.

Lynne claims she doesn't have any faults but we can clearly see that she has been hiding a lazy eye for some time. She's done very well to hide it all these years. That said, it may just be a spasm from the air conditioning in the changing room. We shall see if it flares up again.

VERY MUCH ALIKE

2011-03-08T16:51:00.003Z

George and Lynne are on loungers with an unnamed friend. Lynne tells her that George and her are very much alike. The friend says she doesn't see that at all. George is glad to say that neither does he.

It looks like this is somewhere different from the local swimming baths. The baths have loungers but people don't usually talk on them. Also, Lynne has on an altogether different class of swimming costume. All this evidence suggests that George and Lynne are on a cruise.

On their cruise, George and Lynne have befriended a woman. She knows Lynne's name but doesn't know much about them. Lynne wants to tell her more and does so by comparing herself to George. This woman must have already spent a long time talking to George as she is able to make a judgement on Lynne's statement. She disagrees with it.

It is likely that Lynne was talking about her similarity to George in terms of habits and interests and she thinks that George is talking about physical similarities when he disagrees. He is in fact talking about habits and interests too. It has occurred to him that he and Lynne have nothing in common. He learnt this when talking to the woman the previous evening, someone with whom he has a lot in common with. This has forced him to question his reasons for being with Lynne. In the end he opts to stay with Lynne as he thinks that a good marriage is not worth wasting for a one night affair on a cruise.

YOUNGER, SEXIER

2011-03-07T16:13:00.001Z

Lynne is at the local swimming baths with an unnamed friend. She tells Lynne that in Hollywood there is always a younger, sexier actress after your role. Lynne says that it could be worse. The woman asks how so and Lynne replies that the thing that could be worse would be a younger, sexier woman after your husband as she sees George talking to a young woman.

This friend of Lynne's talks of Hollywood and acting but she doesn't look like Lynne's acting friend Katalina. However we know Katalina has been in trouble with some dodgy types so she may have already been forced to have some plastic surgery to both change her identity and make her more alluring to casting agents. Her statement also makes it apparent that she is getting on a bit now and has had to resort to cosmetic surgery to look younger.

Lynne spies George talking to a young woman which angers her and forces her to leave the jacuzzi, the first decent soak she's had all year what with George's water restrictions at home. Her anger turns to rage as she sees that the swimming baths have the same tile pattern as her own bathroom. It was George who picked out the tiles after the pattern 'came to him a dream'. In fact he has been showering and bathing at the swimming baths for a long time, enjoying hot showers while putting tight limits on the amount of water Lynne uses. It all adds up now and Lynne is apoplectic.

Oblivious to Lynne's powers of deduction, George has simply pointed out to the young woman that he has the same tiles in his bathroom.

RING

2011-03-03T16:21:00.001Z

Lynne is on the phone. She tells the person on the other end that Dave has bought Deb a ring. The other person asks if it is an engagement ring and if the next stop is the church. Lynne says it is a rubber ring and the next stop is the beach.

Lynne is a horrible friend. She phones her friends, gets their hopes up with a bit of exciting gossip and then quashes it with, in her mind, a witty one liner. If she continues to do this either someone will mis-hear her punchline and spread untrue rumours or people will stop answering the phone to her. Either way Lynne is not going to be very popular.

SHOWER

2011-03-02T16:33:00.001Z

Lynne is in the shower. She thinks to herself that Kitty's husband is a real cheapskate. It turns out that he refused to fit a shower when a cheaper alternative was available but Kitty wasn't impressed with having to use a garden hose.

Lynne's shower is once again filthy. She may take George to task for not helping out in the garden but that may just have been his retribution for Lynne never cleaning the bathroom.

What Lynne should really be worried about is the peeping tom who is taking photographs of her at strange angles. Lynne can obviously see him as she is attempting to cover her modesty. The fact that she knows it's happening means it must be George. He is collecting evidence of the state of the shower for a presentation he is putting together for Lynne to justify his actions in the garden.

Kitty's husband's justification of fitting a shower cubicle, a tap but not a shower head is odd. If that's all that's missing then surely Kitty could just pop down to the DIY store and buy a shower head. They are very easy to install and not at all expensive. She may have to hold it when washing herself until she gets a man in to install the shower head holder, but it's not that much of a hindrance.

STARING

2011-03-01T21:17:00.001Z

George and Lynne are in the garden. Lynne tells George that she bought some bedding plants to put out. George says that is great. Lynne then encourages George to help her by saying that he shouldn't just sit there doing nothing. George says that he is not doing nothing but he is busy staring.

The work on the garden continues. This time Lynne has made her way to the garden centre and back again with a load of plants without a car while George has been relaxing with his newspaper. No wonder she's had to remove her shirt.

Lynne wants George to help her but unless she has another trowel, all he can really do is point out the best positions for the plants. As they are Lynne's idea, he decides to let her get on with it.

It's difficult to know just whose house that is in the background. It could be George and Lynne's but that would mean that they would have the largest garden in the whole street. Did they get a good deal when they bought the house as it came with six extra acres of woodland? It's more likely that being a good property lawyer, George found some loopholes in the lease and managed to snap up all the woodland and encroach on their neighbours' gardens in one very small purchase.

SUITABLE

2011-02-28T17:09:00.001Z

George and Lynne are getting ready to go out. Lynne asks George if he thinks the dress she is wearing is suitable for the night. George says that it is not suitable to go out in, but it is perfect for when they come back.

George and Lynne have been invited to another black tie gala. This one is a benefit for cats with leukaemia and George's company have made a substantial donation, forcing him to go and make an appearance.

George insists on tying his own bowtie, so has yet to see Lynne's dress as all his concentration has gone into that tricky business. When he finally sees it, he realises that it is a little risqué for tonight's event.

He does however think it would be suitable for when they come in. George is intending to invite a group back after the gala for adult games. Unfortunately this will never happen as Lynne will now spend the next hour trying on dresses causing them to be late for the gala missing the presentation of the cheque. The patron of the charity will get annoyed with George and a fist fight will ensue. George is then sent home with a black eye and butterflies in his stomach as to what his boss will say to him on Monday morning.

BIG SPENDER

2011-02-24T17:03:00.001Z

Lynne is out in town. She sees Roger and his new dog and compliments him on it. Roger thanks her and tells her he named the dog after his wife. Lynne asks if the dog is called Roberta. Roger says that she isn't. Lynne learns that the dog is actually called Big Spender after Roger throws a stick for her. Lynne says that Roger's wife sounds like her sort of woman.

Lynne sees Roger as she is looking in a shop window that is selling shoes. Either the shop is called Shoes or this shop has only just started selling shoes and needs to tell its customers so that they don't think that the shoe display has been put there by accident. The grey haired woman is so taken aback that this shop is actually selling shoes that she has gone into some sort of trance.

Lynne knows Roger and that he has a wife called Roberta but that's as far as her knowledge goes. She had no idea that Roberta had expensive tastes but now that she does she thinks she'd like to get to know her better.

Roger has only recently got his dog but the dog is not a puppy, as it looks like a Springer Spaniel. Giving this dog a new name at two or three years old must be very confusing for the dog. It now has to respond to something new. However, if the new name, Big Spender, has the same amount of syllables as the dog's old name and Roger calls it with the same inflections, the dog should still respond.

NUDITY

2011-02-23T16:21:00.001Z

Lynne is at a nudist camp with her friend Katalina. She asks Katalina if she always takes her clothes off in her movies. Katalina says that she certainly does not and that she only strips off if it's vital for the role she's playing. She adds that otherwise she'll only go nude if the part doesn't call for it.

As part of recuperation, Katalina has decided to take a small holiday to somewhere hot and has brought Lynne along with her. We can't see Katalina's leg but it might be still in plaster. This trip has also given Katalina the chance to get rid of those tan lines.

Katalina is finally owning up to herself that she is now an adult film actress, but she is not ready to tell anyone else. She wants to confide in Lynne but is too embarrassed to tell her outright. Instead she drops hints that she is now taking her clothes off in every film she does. Lynne is so naïve; she is impressed that she is friends with a film actress and wants to know everything. Telling Lynne the truth would kill her, so she decides not to be blunt about it.

Meanwhile, George decides to go for a swim in the sea and is attacked by seagulls who mistake his old chap for a hot dog. The holiday does not end well.

SPIN

2011-02-22T18:48:00.001Z

George and Lynne are at a car showroom. Lynne tells George that she heard Seb took Sue out for a spin in his new toy. George says that she is a lucky girl. Lynne continues to say that Sue had hoped it would be a sexy sports car but it wasn't. We learn it was a plane and Sue didn't like it.

There is a sale on at the car showroom and George is looking for a bargain. He has just received a company bonus for his hard work this past year and he has decided to splash out on a new car. All the cars are brand new and literally sparkling. The red car has caught Lynne's eye, but this is mainly because someone has left the hazard lights on.

George isn't interested in Lynne's story as he knows that Seb is a budding pilot. Seb works with George and spent his bonus, a larger one than George's, on a small aeroplane. He is so good at flying planes that he has no qualms about performing a barrel roll with Sue in the co pilot's seat. Soon after he is called over the radio to stop doing it and is fined by the airfield. He apologises and promises not to do it again. George decides against buying a sports car now and saves his bonus for another day. Not funny, but sensible.

ACCESSORIZE

2011-02-21T17:04:00.001Z

Lynne is getting ready to go out. She says that she always likes to accessorize when she goes out. Once out, a woman hugs a man and says that the only accessory she needs is a hunky boyfriend. Lynne looks angry.

It looks like Lynne is talking to herself but what we don't see is George just out of shot asking her why she's wearing so many belts, necklaces and bangles. Lynne explains this and leaves soon after, leaving George pondering why she has never ever dressed like that in the past.

A strange woman has somehow heard Lynne's previous statement and commented that her only accessory is her boyfriend. He doesn't have anything to say on the matter. Lynne is angry, not because of this woman's comment, she barely hears it, but because she has found herself without her purse. She definitely brought it out so she will now have to retrace her steps, starting with going back to the massive microwave warehouse where she has just come from.

WORRIED

2011-02-17T13:22:00.000Z

George and Lynne are at a wedding. Lynne tells George that the bride has arrived. As the bride walks down the aisle she tells her father that wants to talk with Lynne. The bride, whose name is Kay, tells Lynne that she's worried and asks her if she's doing the right thing marrying Kelvin. Lynne tells her she is worried too as the groom's name is Kenny.

It is the wedding season and again George seems to be part of the groomsmen. Lynne is friends with the women that are getting married but as there is such a dearth of good men in the area, the boyfriends of these women get close to George. He doesn't do enough to become Best man, and he's grateful for that, but he is close enough to be an usher at the weddings.

This woman is so worried she is willing delay her own wedding to check her anxiety with Lynne. Why is Lynne so important? Has she become the local agony aunt when it comes to relationship difficulties? It has to be said that her marriage seems to be the only one without any problems so people may see her as some sort of relationship guru. As Kay talks to Lynne the entire church is silent. These churches have very good acoustics so it is likely that they can hear Kay's troubles.

Kenny, or Kelvin as Kay calls him, looks remarkably like George. Could this be George's brother? It would explain why he is a groomsman. Thinking that Kenny is Kelvin is the least of Kay's worries. He is a good man for putting up with her calling him Kelvin all these years. Maybe she talks really fast and he never noticed. Either way, he looks rather upset as she is talking to Lynne when she should be saying her vows.

BREAK

2011-02-16T17:06:00.002Z

Lynne is on the phone by a swimming pool. Katalina, who she is on the phone to, tells her that a film director wanted her as the lead in his new movie. Lynne thinks this is great news and suggests that this could be the break that she's been waiting for. We then see Katalina in hospital with her leg in a cast. She says that it is too late as she's already had it.

At Lynne's local swimming pool they have loungers and phones around the side of the pool. This is a high class establishment. They also have state of the art saunas and finger print locks in the changing rooms.

So Katalina is an actress. She is wary of saying the film director's name though, which suggests that either she doesn't think Lynne will recognise the name or he is so bad that she doesn't want anyone to know. Lynne has been keeping up to date with Katalina's career as she thinks it is very glamorous that she has a friend who is an actor, so she knows about directors. It could be that Katalina has resorted to an adult film but is too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Katalina has broken her leg. She is telling people that she did it when she fell off a chair as she was changing a light bulb. This is a lie. Having been given the lead role in this movie, she found out is was an adult feature and told the director she didn't want to do it. He told her she had to or she would face the consequences. The consequences were that a man was sent round to break her leg. She has since agreed to do the film after she heals, but it will be the other leg if she runs out on them again.

CLOWNS

2011-02-15T16:01:00.001Z

George and Lynne are at a restaurant. The maitre d' tells them that they are busy in the restaurant as there's a large party from the circus in. After sitting down, Lynne tells George that the men at a nearby table are giving her funny looks. George tells her not to worry and they are clowns after all. The clowns are firing water at each other.

With that curtain, it may be that this isn't a restaurant at all but some sort of cabaret club. However that could just be a divider to separate the Wimbledon hoi polloi from the elite. The maitre d' is so busy that he doesn't even have the time to take George and Lynne's coats. It's a good job they booked a table.

Having sat down, George and Lynne still haven't been given a menu or a jug of water. In fact their table is completely bare. The waiters are doing a very quick turn around this evening and thought it would be best to seat George and Lynne before their table was ready because a queue was forming outside.

The circus is in town once again, or Wimbledon has a permanent circus, and they have decided to go for a company meal on this, their night off. For some reason the clowns of the circus have decided to go out dressed in their clown outfits. This is quite disturbing. They can't let up for one evening. Not only are they in full attire but they acting like clowns as well. The restaurant owner should check their credentials. They could be creating a diversion by spraying each other with water and in a moment they will all brandish guns and rob every person in the restaurant. They aren't the clowns from the circus at all but imposters. The next day the actual clowns will be arrested when in fact they were at a different restaurant. They will have no alibi because no one knows what they look like without their make-up. It's the perfect crime.

VALENTINO

2011-02-14T16:27:00.002Z

Lynne has arrived home at nighttime. She apologises for being late but she explains that she was helping Ray practise for his new play. George wants to know what part he is playing and Lynne tells him it is Valentino, the great lover. George then asks Lynne if he's having trouble with his lines. Lynne says that it his kissing technique and it needs a lot of practice.

Night has fallen and Lynne has finally arrived home. Either she has forgotten her key or George has been waiting by the door for her, impatiently tapping his foot and looking at his watch every three minutes. He had laid on a lovely dinner which is now spoiled.

We're pretty sure that Lynne doesn't work with her usual days being spent at the shops. She has therefore bumped into Ray and he has asked her to help him with his lines. Ray had gone into town to clear his head as he kept getting muddled with his rehearsal.

If Ray needs a lot of kissing practice, as Lynne says, there's a possibility he could be a gay man. If this is the case, then George has no need to worry as neither party is getting any pleasure from the rehearsal. George may not know he is gay, as it was still a social taboo in the early 80s. The other explanation is that Ray is a child and has yet to kiss a girl. If this is the case then George should be worried. Lynne is going round the town and selling herself as practice for teenagers.

WEDDINGS

2011-02-10T17:21:00.001Z

George and Lynne are at a wedding. George arrives late and Lynne tells him to be quick as the bride will arrive any moment. Once inside Lynne says she loves weddings because they are such happy occasions. Lynne cries.

George is cutting it very fine. People are milling about outside the church because it is a nice day but they have been told by the ushers to go inside as they have heard that the bride is on her way. George hasn't even got time to park the car so just parks it on the lawn outside the church. It will be fine there.

Lynne loves wedding and cries tears of joy at the occasion as does another woman behind her. George is also welling up a bit. His face may be showing embarrassment though as he is wearing a carnation which is usually only reserved for ushers and the best man. This means that he was late for his friend's wedding. It might be because it was his job to calm the bride down and make sure she arrived at the church. If that is the case then he has had to keep that secret from everyone else. Even Lynne didn't know. George, you are a true friend.

UNDER THE STARS

2011-02-09T16:52:00.001Z

Lynne is camping with Katalina. Whilst putting up their tent, Lynne asks her if she camped out when she lived in Hollywood. Katalina replies that she slept under the stars fairly regularly. Lynne says she wasn't talking about her love life.

Lynne has now caught the camping bug and is off with a friend, leaving George at home. It seems this friend, Katalina, has spent some time in Hollywood. This must be the same Katalina who went to Italy so perhaps she is an actress of some sort and has tried to make it in America. She can't be that well known though as she would be mobbed at the camp site.

Lynne mistakes Katalina's comment for a euphemism for the amount of famous men she has been with. If Katalina had her druthers she should strike Lynne for insinuating that she is a jezebel. However Katalina smiles which suggests that she does live up to her reputation. This may be her way of getting ahead in what is a cruel industry. We shall wait and see if it is the correct choice.

FIREWORK

2011-02-08T16:56:00.001Z

George has gone into a shop to complain about a very expensive firework he was sold which didn't go off. The shop assistant says that makes it a 'firenotwork'.

George is apoplectic. He spent upwards of fifteen pounds on an elaborate Catherine Wheel but it failed to work. Not only that, it was meant to be the piece-de-resistance of his fireworks display and made him look like a bit of a lemon. The were hushed voices afterwards.

This woman is not the manager of the shop. She is only working there for extra money as she tries to become an actor or a singer. If the manager of the shop, which sells novelty items and fireworks, heard her quip she would be fired on the spot. George's anger has turned into confusion as to how anyone could be so stupid.

In the end, George's money is not refunded because he threw the firework at the wall in anger rather than returning it with a receipt. It was his own fault, but he won't be buying his fireworks from there any more.

BORING

2011-02-07T16:43:00.001Z

George and Lynne are in the garden. Lynne is on the phone to an unnamed friend. The friend tells Lynne that her boyfriend seems to find her boring as he is always falling asleep when she talks. Lynne asks her what the answer to that problem is and the lady replies that it is to keep quiet when he's driving as he's crashed his car.

George's new year's resolution of tidying the garden is in full effect here. He's taken his top off and invested in some durable gardening gloves to deal with those prickly weeds. He does however look perplexed by those secateurs.

This woman's boyfriend is going to some lengths to avoid talking to her. He has been pretending to fall asleep in all manner of places including restaurants and in shopping centres. You'd think he would just break up with her if he found her that boring.

Now he's gone a step too far. He's pretended to fall asleep whilst driving and completely written off his car. He now has to lie to the police that he has narcolepsy. Of course they'll need some sort of doctor's note to believe him so he'll have to lie to a doctor too. This is only going to end one way - jail.

INGRID'S DIVORCE

2011-02-03T18:13:00.001Z

George and Lynne are at the gym. Lynne tells George that the divorce is a weight off Ingrid's mind. George asks Lynne if she was married to a sportsman. Lynne changes her statement to say that it is a weight lifter off her mind.

The gym is very crowded today. The people in white are the personal trainers who all wear the same outfit so the patrons can easily find them if they need help with an exercise bike. The one in the foreground has a clipboard to make him look important.

It seems Ingrid has just finalised a gritty divorce from her weightlifter husband. He may have been having an affair with a barmaid, but that rumour is unfounded. If he is the man who was seeing the Ferryboat Inn barmaid, then this marriage has lasted, from vows to divorce, under two weeks. That's the fastest settlement ever. It might be that it was an annulment rather than a divorce. Lynne should check that.

MINOR INCONVENIENCE

2011-02-02T16:57:00.001Z

Lynne is at the pub. The barmaid asks Lynne if she should finish with her boyfriend. Lynne says she should because he got married last week. The barmaid says she said a good reason not a minor inconvenience.

Lynne is on her own at the Ferryboat Inn. That is not to say that George is not with her. He could quite easily be in the toilet, buying another round or picking his songs on the jukebox.

So it seems the barmaid is dating a married man. What a cad! Not only is he having an affair but he is doing it over the period of his wedding and other people know about it. His days of infidelity are surely numbered.

The barmaid then kicks off at Lynne for her moral judgement. She has no right to. As far as we are concerned, the barmaid never said anything about a good reason. No wonder Lynne looks shocked. All was she was doing was trying to raise the standards of sleepy Wimbledon, whilst looking out for a friend who will undoubtedly be hurt in the long run and she gets her head bitten off. George can't get back from the jukebox sooner.

PITCH BLACK

2011-02-01T16:51:00.001Z

George and Lynne are in a tent. Lynne asks George to remember that it was pitch black when they arrived last night. George does remember and adds that he didn't think it was the camp site but Lynne wasn't convinced. Lynne exits the tent to find that they are in the middle of a football stadium. She admits she was wrong.

George and Lynne have gone camping and arrived to what they believe to be the camp site in total darkness. This means that George didn't even have his lights on when they drove, although he may have had them on a low beam when arriving at the stadium, which Lynne thought was a camp site.

Following that error, he must have then found a way to drive onto the pitch. Some stadiums have a tunnel which leads from where the coaches would arrive, past the dressing room and onto the pitch, so that is understandable. George did not want to wake the other campers he believed were there and sleeping so, at this point, he completely turned his lights off and drove slowly towards a clearing that he had spied earlier.

It is now at the earliest midday so George and Lynne have slept through the warm up and all the crowd arriving. The question is not how they did not know they had camped in a football stadium but why the groundsman didn't wake them up and remove them before the game started. If Lynne had not woken, were the teams just going to play round them? There must be some old mediaeval law that states that if a man pitches his tent within the city walls, then he is not allowed to be moved.

SHEEP

2011-01-31T17:10:00.001Z

George and Lynne are out hiking. Lynne notices some sheep and informs George that she thinks they are following them. George tells Lynne that that is what sheep do. The sheep bleet at each other and we are given a translation.

George and Lynne's ramble has found them in a field with sheep. With a farmer moving his flock near them, you have to wonder if George and Lynne have strayed off the designated hiking paths onto private land. If those sheep trample them, they've only got themselves to blame.

George says sheep follow people. In some ways he is correct, but the sheep are in fact following the shepherd and not them. He needs to move them from one field to another and George and Lynne's ramble does not come into it.

From the translation offered, it seems that the sheep both believe that George and Lynne are following them and that humans have a tendency to follow sheep. If these sheep thought before bleeting, they'd realise what a presumptuous thing they had just said. To start, George and Lynne were ahead of these sheep earlier, so couldn't have been following them. Secondly, even if George and Lynne are following them, as a percentage of the human population they are tiny so to say that all humans follow sheep is just not accurate. This is just a rough translation though. They could easily be saying “We're walking faster than those humans which gives the impression that they are following us.” “That isn't unlike them though.”

KELLY

2011-01-27T16:26:00.002Z

George and Lynne are out for a walk when Lynne spots Kelly on a bike and tells George that she has taken up cycling. George says that it is great exercise and good for the heart. Lynne agrees and then points out the cycle club secretary who Kelly is dating.

Another nice day and time for a walk along the river. Lynne's PhD in stating the bleeding obvious has come in handy again. George must have a reputation for not being very observant as Lynne is always telling him who is coming towards them. It may be that George is a vain man and although he needs glasses for his terrible short sightedness, he refuses to wear them.

As she comes in to George's view, he believes Lynne and can therefore make a comment of his own. He believes cycling is an excellent way to stay in shape. Another blurry figure comes by and Lynne tells him who that is. If George's cataracts get any worse he'll need a white stick. Lynne is standing very close to him so must be guiding him around. He can't keep up this pretence for too much longer, how will Lynne get to the shops if George can't drive her?

UNDERWEAR

2011-01-26T18:22:00.001Z

Lynne and 'Mantha are in a shop. 'Mantha asks Lynne why men are so useless at buying sexy underwear. Lynne tells 'Mantha that George says the choice is so limited as it's Y-fronts or boxers.

This women's shop is very dark. It is known as mood lighting and it gives the impression that the shop is a sexy disco. It also seems relatively pricey with a bra and pants set costing £19. The shop sees itself as classy by advertising bras as brassieres. It is owned by an Argentinian.

'Mantha is asking a pertinent question as she has gone to the shop to return some underwear that Sammy bought her for Christmas. The thing is, Sammy must have found it sexy so why is she returning it? In some ways it is a gift for him, not her. But then if she doesn't feel attractive in them, then Sammy won't feel the benefit.

'Mantha's question is once again turned into a joke by Lynne. 'Mantha didn't ask what George thought about it and she is getting a little fed up of Lynne not helping her. Her face at the end shows a polite smile but inside she is boiling with fury.

TOO MUCH MONEY

2011-01-26T09:09:00.001Z

Lynne is out and about. She sees a red sports car in the street and says that they say having too much money won't make you happy. She ends up seeing an even fancier blue car and says that it's a theory she'd like a chance to test.

Lynne is in a busy part of town. The red car looks to be a Jaguar or an Aston Martin and in the background there is a taxi waiting, a Rolls Royce and what looks like the Colosseum. But this is not Rome, this is London. So perhaps that is a billboard outside the London Coliseum.

Lynne has ended up at a car expo. These kinds of expos usually take place in Olympia or Earl's Court Exhibition Centre. That seems like a very long time to hold in a thought, from Covent Garden to Earl's Court, which takes about 20 minutes on the Piccadilly Line.

This being 1984, fancy cars usually have either gull wing or scissor doors. This must be a Lamborghini that Lynne has spotted. She is familiar with the make of car, or perhaps just the door style, from both the films Condorman and The Cannonball Run. In fact it is The Cannonball Run that has made a lasting impression on her as she sees herself as a bit of a Farrah Fawcett. Poor Lynne has confused her character in Cannoball Run, that of a bespectacled dowdy woman, with that in Charlie's Angels where she is much more feisty.

PAGE 3

2011-01-24T19:36:00.003Z

George and Lynne are relaxing on a jetty. Lynne tells George that her friend said Lynne would be seeing much more of her soon. George asks if she is moving close to them. Lynne says no, points to George's newspaper and says that that's her on Page 3.

When it's sunny, George and Lynne like nothing better than a relaxing day by the Thames. Despite the health and safety issues surrounding swimming the river, George and Lynne have found a quiet area with a couple of jetties. It is quiet because no one in their right mind would swim in the Thames.

Lynne is being very vague about which friend is moving near them. From the past episodes, we have learned that Lynne has an awful lot of friends. That said, she doesn't have many friends who would appear on Page 3 and therefore topless. Could it be her masseuse who is unlucky in love? Could it be Belinda who is using her breast surgery to earn more money?

The most likely explanation is that it is Angelina. She was lured into glamour modelling by the emaciated gentleman with whom she left the restaurant that time. He promised her it was legitimate modelling but after some coaxing, he persuaded her to do some light topless work. It became a slippery slope for Angelina. She was intoxicated by her new luxurious lifestyle and had to keep up her expensive tastes after the Page 3 work stopped. The rest of the story is too sad to tell, but ultimately she dies.